Is it already TOO LATE to send my condolences?

Condolences - A feeling of worry. When someone condoles, or offers their condolences to a particular situation or person, they are offering active, conscious support of that person or activity. Often, the English language expression "my condolences" will be in a context, such as death of a friend's loved one, in which the one offering condolences is compelled to feel pity towards the unfortunate party. But condolences can also be offered by friends or supporters of circumstances that are legally debatable, such as the justifiability of a domestic abuse victim killing her/his abusive partner. In this case, some might offer their condolences to the victim, while others might not.
@atha13 (159)
Malaysia
April 29, 2010 1:15am CST
One of the senior officers in my department whom I'm not in a good term with had just lost her father 2 weeks ago due to old age. While everyone has sent their condolences to this lady, I keep my silent and pretend nothing happen whenever she's around. It's not that I don't sympathize with her lost, but i don't know how to talk to her. Is it too late now to send my condolences to her?
7 responses
@portisray (503)
• Philippines
29 Apr 10
Hello atha! If you want to make amends to her, well then approach her in a chance where you think it is the right time and the right place... And you have to 'feel' her mood of course! If she's not in the mood, don't approach her... We have to be humble... Do you think you could live everyday in your life with a hard heart and you see her everyday in your department... If in case you after talk to her or send your condolences and she still keeps on ignoring you...then its not your problem anymore....
@atha13 (159)
• Malaysia
29 Apr 10
Thank you, Portisray! You're right, I shouldn't keep this in my chest for too long. I need to be brave to talk to her...Wish me luck!
• Philippines
29 Apr 10
Wishing you luck atha13! You'll never know how good it will be... But remember, if she still ignore you or you feel she's just being "plastic", then it's not your problem anymore...
@lelin1123 (15645)
• Puerto Rico
29 Apr 10
To me its never to late. However, if you are both on bad terms it depends on how bad it is. If its really bad I wouldn't bother but if it luke warm you can still give her a card expressing your condolences. It may make you both get on better terms.
@atha13 (159)
• Malaysia
29 Apr 10
It's not that bad, it's more like a 'cold war' between us ;) Giving her a card is a good idea since I don't feel comfortable to talk to her face to face. Thanks lelin1123! :D
@atha13 (159)
• Malaysia
29 Apr 10
Why? Because I myself have lost my dad 4 years ago and I knew how it felt. But since we both are not on good talking terms, I just don't know where and how to start.
• China
29 Apr 10
Hello atha13, You are writing this for advice because you still care about her, right? So why not telling her.Writing to her or just sending emails will be a good idea. Hope you can do it well, it will never be too late.
@atha13 (159)
• Malaysia
29 Apr 10
Thanks, Zhangvicky. I do care because I understand how it feels to lost a loved one.
@naka75 (797)
• Singapore
30 Apr 10
In my opinion this is a good opportunity to show your appreciation for this lady colleague and improve upon the strained relationship. You need not say something complicated, just say or write words from your heart expressing your sincere condolences. Even if it does not have immediate result, you'd have taken the first step to improve the relationship with her, it is already a victory on your part. Even though it is easy to pretend that nothing ever happened when things are going smoothly, the environment will never change for the better, the strained relationship will still remain as it is. Most importantly it is to build a strong inner self so that nothing adverse happening in our environment will affect us, and instead we have the wisdom to find solutions to overcome it. As long as our mindset changes, everything can change for the better as well.
• Philippines
30 Apr 10
you can still send your condolences anytime what is important is you'd able to express your feelings, you'd able to symphatize. It's a matter how early you have greeted what matter is your feelings, your true feelings for the person you want them to feel it. just be yourself..and all things be done good.
@kedralynn (992)
• United States
29 Apr 10
I'm like you sometimes. I sort of ignore certain things because I don't know how to approach them. Then I'll eventually speak up and it's awkward but I always feel better having said something. It's never too late to share your condolences. You can even say "hey I didn't know how to say this before but..." Just letting her know you did think about it, do think about it. When I lost my grandfather, hearing "I'm sorry for your loss" didn't fix my broken heart but it warmed it to know people were thinking of me in my time of need. It'll make her feel good to know that you didn't ignore the situation forever. Send your condolences, it'll make you feel better. And even if she weren't to accept at least then you know you tried :)
• Philippines
29 Apr 10
For me, I don't think that saying or extending your condolences is never too late. it still shows that you care for the loss of the family and that is also one way of sympathizing. Go ahead and approach the person, trust me it's never too late. Good day!