Do you think an angry argument with a friend can improve the friendship?

Japan
May 11, 2010 9:46pm CST
I have had some very angry arguments with some of my frineds. When I have an argument with a friend, I show my anger and give my honest feelings and opinions to the friend and he or she does so too. after that, it becomes easier for us to give opinions honestly to each other. The friend tends to become one of my best friends. Some people think it is a good idea to avoid arguments. But I think arguments can give you a chance to tell your true feelings and opinions to your friends. So when I consider the person is important to me and want to have a closer friendship, I do not avoid arguments. (Well, sometimes it doesn't work and they leave me, though) How about you? Do you think an angry argument with a friend can improve the friendship? Or it just ruins the friendship?
3 people like this
25 responses
• Philippines
12 May 10
hi.. arguments can improve friendship but i dont think angry argument can.. there is a difference between constructive argument and angry argument. if you care for your friend, if you want what is good for her you can tell her frankly, even if she will argue because by the end of the day she will still realized how good your intention will be. but when you have angry arguement with a friend, you are hurting their feelings and you are not a sensitive and caring friend in that case. please be more patient and put your arguments in a nice way.
• Japan
12 May 10
oh, don't get me wrong. i'm not short temper or something. i do not have an angry argument with a person who does not seem to undersatand why i am angry. why i argue with such an angry manner is to tell the friend i am possitive. and i never lose control while arguing. so most of the arguments i had turned out a good relationship. but yeah, sometimes i might just hurt their feelings. i should be careful :) thanks :) i try not to show my anger and find another way to tell them i am positive. i try to do constructive one ;)
• Philippines
13 May 10
yes, i know nessosamu that you are not hot tempered. i completely understand what you mean. you love to have arguments and yes we both know that it should not be an angry or destructive arguments..so we should be very sensitive with the feelings of other people specially with our friends.
• Japan
14 May 10
thanks shibuuya_yuuri ;)
• United States
13 May 10
It depends on the timing, I guess. I got into an argument with a friend lately, and it wasn't exactly pretty. I didn't want to talk about it. We both had faults but in my understanding and in the way I saw things, there was more than just what he thinks was wrong with me (he did most of the talking and he did make sense; while most of it was just a repetition of driven points, I really didn't have anything to say) and the timing for all that wasn't right. I guess I was seeing the bigger picture and was protecting other people involved. He was looking at the specifics (which was me) and I don't blame him. But you can't have an argument for the sake of an argument. You can have a disagreement, and agree to disagree and end it with a civil handshake. If you feel the need to let it out, then that's healthy. Just don't do anything harmful when you reach the point of anger. This can have lasting effects. My friend and I are okay now. I wish we didn't really have that argument. We were coping just fine before it happened. However, he's making an effort to make things like it was back to normal and I think that's a great thing.
• Japan
14 May 10
yeah, timing is so important. and there are often some misunderstandings. i think you and your friend care about each other so i hope your relationship with him will be better like before soon. :)
• United States
14 May 10
That's actually true. The shortcomings that were prevalent throughout this episode aren't really worth it and pitting that against our relationship isn't worth it. He did say that he was open to a separate dialog about that, but I guess I figured all that out. Or he will soon. :)
@airasheila (5461)
• Philippines
12 May 10
Hi nessosamu, For me, it depends. There are friends who knows how to handle arguments. Meaning, even there is a very stiff argument between friendship, if he/she really knows you, the argument will not and should not affect your friendship, and that, it should make your friendship more stronger. However, if both of you does not know really the personality of each other, even a small argument or even little discussion will brought a big miscommunication.
• Japan
12 May 10
Hi, airasheila. yeah, i completely agree with you. i try to avoid arguments unlss i know the person can take it. so only some of my friends had a big fight with me. and they all are my best friends.
• Japan
12 May 10
oh, i think not all but there are a few ecceptions. in these cases, i think i did not really understand them and neither they did. well, i should've been more carefull and i will be for sure. :)
• India
23 May 10
Hello welcome to mylot, in my opinion angry argument with a FRIEND can never improvement the friendship, rather it will worsen, so we should tackle the matter wisely.. Thanks for sharing. Welcome always. Cheers. Prof
• Japan
24 May 10
thank you for your warm welcome. i am enjoying mylot :) yeah, i need to think about the wise way to show my firmness to others. maybe less anger is a good idea.
@adhyz82 (36290)
• Indonesia
15 May 10
i think most of argumen with angry for other is not succesful to make or convince other. some of the effort is useless. so my suggestion avoid angry when you want to argue with someone else
• Japan
15 May 10
yeah, that can be ture. anger begets anger. calm arguments are much easier to handle. but in some situations i used anger to tell the person i was positive. and i liked excahging anger and understanding each other by that. and in my case, most of the arguments were successful. we just became best friends. but like you mentioned already, it sometimes turned out just nothing but failure. so i think i need to find another way to show firmness. thank you for your suggestion. :)
• Philippines
13 May 10
It all depends on the type of persons the friends are. If they are the type that hold a grudge well it might be tough to improve the friendship or even keep it.
• Japan
14 May 10
i totally agree with you. :) i should be carefull or the person who holds a grudge might try to kill me or somehing! well, i hope that never happenns to me! X-0 so far so good :) i seem to have successfully avoided aurguments with such kind of people.
@lomns98 (110)
• United States
13 May 10
I think it depends on how long you known the friend. Sometimes a heated or angry argument with a friend can change things between the both forever, sometimes for a very long time, and sometimes for a short time. No two people can ever have an everlasting relationship from what I believe, there will always be times when a person has to argue in order to get their point across and if your friend cannot accept this then maybe they are really not a true friend at all?
• Japan
14 May 10
i think so too. if you know each other well, an angry argument can change the relationship in a good way. :) i think true friends accept each other. once you have a big fight, you can understand the person well and much more easily accept his/her opinions. but some can't accept an angry one so i nees to be careful.
@Cutie18f (9565)
• Philippines
13 May 10
For me, anything doused with anger can have the effect of changing any relationship for the worst. In my case for example, if a friend or someone close to me shows me his or her angry side, I usually get turned off. Oftentimes the emotion does not match the situation, like making a mountain out of molehill and that's a turn-off. I'd usually distance myself from that person and have some reservations about being that close to this certain kind of person.
• Japan
14 May 10
yeah, i understand. i don't have an angry argument with your type of people. i only have it with a person who listens to me even if i am angry and fights back.
@artistry (4154)
• United States
12 May 10
....Hi nessosamu, Welcome to the old ranch, enjoy. Two people who share a friendship are going to have arguments, if they are going to stay friends, They are different, they have various opinions, may have different backgrounds and want to express themselves in their own way, which should be respected. I myself do not feel that we have to have anger as a part of an argument, it is a sign of maturity if one can restrain themselves and make their point without restorting to anger and screaming at one another. If one notices on television drama shows, if two people get into a heated angry argument they are not listening to each other, they are talking loud and trying to make their point without even hearing what the other person is saying because they don't want to let the person voice their point. This in essence to me says that the other person's opinion is not worth listening to because it is not right. If we can agree to disgree and let everyone state their thoughts without anger, each individual can learn something. Anger gets us nowhere, but to possibly more anger. Sensible tempered conversation is a better way to go is my thought. Take care.
• Japan
14 May 10
yes, i understand what you mean. i also think anger begets anger and make arguments louder. but i listen to their opinions. because of my angry remark, the person gives me his true feelings with anger. i accept it and think, then i give him my opinions. although i show my anger, i don't lose control while arguing, and if the other does, i try to calm him down. yeah, but i don't think i can always successfully calm the person down and just lose that person. so i think i have to have angry arguments with people who undrstand me and don't lose cotrol easily. with others, i need to have arguments wiht much sofer tone. :)
• Philippines
12 May 10
I think arguments are part of any relationships, and they make the relationships even stronger. Any good relationships really go through this and the more they encounter problems along the way, the more they discover things about themselves. Arguments have positive effects on friendships, but you have to make sure that you know how to handle your emotion too well.
• Japan
14 May 10
yeah, i agree with you. if you lose control, it doesn't work. in my opinion, strong emotion like anger can help to make the person you agrue with understand how serious you are on that issue you are argueing about. but too much anger ruins the relationship. so i have to be carefull. :)
• United States
12 May 10
Arguments tend to make friendships stronger because you tend to express you full emotions and feelings to the other person. They usually do the same and then you guys decide on what to do. That could happen or the exact opposite. They could get mad at each other and it could mess your friendship up forever. I think it really counts on what kind of person you are dealing with because some get madder then others.
• Japan
14 May 10
exactly. sometimes the person i argue gets much madder than me. i think angry arguments can improve friendship unless either of you don't lose control. if the anger makes one lose control, the argument will turn out failure. so in that case, i often try to calm the friend down to make the argument work. but, as you mentioned, whether my attempt will work or not is all depends on the person i argue with.
• Philippines
12 May 10
usually, when i am angry I keep silent to avoid saying word that i may regret saying later on. instead i keep myself calm and wait for the anger to settle down before confronting or talking to that concerned person.
• Japan
14 May 10
i do that when the friend get too mad. LOL i use anger to tell the person i am serious. but often anger begets anger. so if the friend get too mad and loses control, i try to clam down and clam him down. then our angry argument start to be a constractive argument. but sometimes i fail to clam him down and the angry friend leaves me.
• Philippines
12 May 10
on my part i am agree that arguments leads the friendship deeper.... when a friend argue with you it means she or he shows their concern and tell you the right thing and make you think of what is the right and the wrong what ever the cause of that arguments....they make you think..
• Japan
12 May 10
oh, thank you for your agreement :) yeah, if all the people took arguments like you do, i would not have to feel bad after saying too much or too harsh. but i understand i need to choose words more carefully when i argue. some people just can't accept it and it just causes troube.
• Philippines
12 May 10
yes definitely, this really test your relationship... it helps you how to handle and care relations.. this matter most.. argument would be the best part of relationship-- meaning you care because you provide feedback... but this will fall on how to say it.. in nice way or hurting way,.. and also how you adapt and accept it... it can open your heart and mind.. yes it make takes days, months, years to heal the wound -feeling--to each other.. pride will be the most issue.. but still this forgiveness will be there.. --
• Japan
12 May 10
wow! i really agree with you :) i think arguments have a improtant role in our relationship. you might hurt your friends in an angry argument, but after a while they notice what you have tryed to say and forgive you in the end. that happened many times to me :)
• India
12 May 10
As some of the other people have replies, arguments are part of a relationship and I believe that it only does help in strengthening the bond between two friends. However, one has to differentiate between arguments which lead to something constructive from those which lead to a fight. It is very important to maintain the correct tone and using words carefully, which would help in conveying the meaning in its true sense.
• Japan
12 May 10
yeah i really agree with you. i show my anger but only to show how serious i am. i try to keep the correct tone that i believe is correct. well, but, considering some of my arguments end up in a failure, i thnk i should use words more carefully. :)
• Philippines
12 May 10
if there is something you want to tell to your friend, you say it softly and understandable. why we should make it as an argument if we say it in a simple way with softly warm and touchable one..what i mean is you could tell it directly to your friend and better to listen to your friend side before giving yours also.. by softly and calmly discussion..
• Japan
12 May 10
thanks for your suggestion :) i tend to have hard one but considering it is not always effective, i should try soft one. :)
@daliaj (5689)
• India
12 May 10
Angry arguments won't work in any relationship. If you wan't to argue in any relatioship, you she be patient and put things in a nice way. Then only the person whom you want to listen to your arguments will pay attention to it. Also, keep in mind thatyou cannot take back the word you have delivered. So, be careful when you are angry. Don't throw unnecessary arguments or hurt people by your words. Rude works may spoil your friendship.
• Japan
12 May 10
yeah, i know what you mean. i sometimes have bitter feelings after an argument. "didn't i say too much? might he hurt so much and walk away from me...or something" fortunately, most of the cases, my friends take my opinion seriously and understand what i want to say and our relationship inproves. but not always....yeah i think i should deliver words more carefully. :)
@maxyl12 (239)
• Philippines
12 May 10
Although its part of a relationship in arguing. I don't think it does help in improving friendship. Its tiring if you now what I mean. To be honest its better to journey alone than travel with a bad company. Maybe a little argument is good but please not all the time. I makes our day bad inch by inch.
• Japan
12 May 10
yeah, i understand. i have serious even angry arguments with only a few close friends. they are the friends i really like and want to understand more. i don't have any with the other friends. and as you mentioned, in a relationshinp, it is much more important to arguing. :)
@Zhizho (1353)
• Indonesia
12 May 10
I think, good friend who can receive you who the way you are. I agree with you that we must be honest about our feeling and tell it to friend but maybe we can choose the good way because better to avoid it. but maybe if you sure that your friend has know well about you, it dors not matter.
• Japan
12 May 10
yeah, i exactly. if we understand each other well. it is no problem. so it depends on who you have argument with. :)
• Philippines
12 May 10
it depends on hoe the other person accumulate the other ones opinion. to build a friend it takes so much effort and trust to one another. they should bear in mind that for them to have a strong fountain they should respect every opinion the other has to say. we had a friend before who loves to gives his criticism to everyone not that we are not perfect in physical aspects but because he thinks that his always right all the time. when we try to tell him his not so good actions he tend to bring out everything he had done for us. what his sacrifices and hardships has gone the friendship and works we had together. one day, my friend had lost her temper and place her every anger on my friend. letting him know how every one is feeling on his behavior. having different opinions makes friendship ever stronger.
• Japan
12 May 10
yeah, sometimes giving your opinion with anger is only the way to let the person understand how others think. if the friend talk back, angry argument will start. i think in this way you can develop your friendship more formly but also there is a chance to ruin it. i think we should be careful who you have an angry argumet with.