He doesn't like me to surprise him on his birthday

@caliya (1175)
Philippines
May 31, 2010 8:08am CST
Me and my man were talking about his birthday a couple of hours ago. His birthday will be in a month from now. So I told him that I have a birthday surprise for him. I said that he can pack his bag and I will take him somewhere really nice so we can relax, unwind and celebrate his birthday. I took a cue from our past conversations because he said that he is dying to travel and go to the beach. I really thought that he will be happy but I received the opposite of the reaction that I expected. He told me that he doesn't want me to plan for his birthday because it's his birthday so he should be the one planning for it. I was really hurt as I was already planning for it. So now I need your opinion on this, specially the guys. Why do you think he reacted this way? Do men in general do not want a surprise trip on their birthday? Please enlighten me.
4 people like this
16 responses
@climber7565 (2579)
• United States
1 Jun 10
bmw - a great car to have, and a fortune in itself lol
Well sounds like he was being immature. As men don't normally like to be surprised for our birthdays wen it comes to personal items, like clothes and thing we have a particular taste about. That is really awesome you thought of that kind of present and I hope my girl one day would think that way for me. It does not matter where we go as long as my girl and I can enjoy some relaxed time, and I can enjoy my baby. That is messed up he hurt your feelings. I hope he comes about and realize how badly he did. I think now you should not plan anything and just find out what his idea of celebrating his birthday will be. Save your money and see what he has up his sleeves.
@caliya (1175)
• Philippines
5 Jun 10
Immature? I don't really know. As mentioned earlier, he is not the submissive type. I guess I will just have to save my money and let's see what happens.
• United States
5 Jun 10
Yes that is an immature behavior, not to be taken out of context or offensively. See we all mature more then others and even at a higher level we will still show our human side and slip, such as in times like this one you presented. He could have put it differently, based on what you shared, and not hurt your feelings, rather just appreciate what you thought of, find an open window to fit your choice with his taste.
@CJscott (4185)
• Canada
1 Jun 10
You are taking his power, and making him feel subdued. Some people like this others do not. That is the first thought that popped into my beautiful mind when I read your post. He doesn't like being the submissive one, and so when someone asserts authority, such as planning something which he has no say it, it triggers, the NO, I am in charge hormone. Surprises are meant to be surprises, the more surprising it is the better, telling someone there is a surprise, makes the surprise unsurprising. These things are best planned out by both parties, when everyone is involved in the decision making, it builds a better relationship, and even the submission gene can over look it, when he gets his say. I hope this helps, and just for the record, I could very easily be wrong, I frequently am, better examine the facts. Sincerely and With Appreciation.
@caliya (1175)
• Philippines
5 Jun 10
You have a very good point and I truly appreciate your response. He's not really the submissive type and I guess if I choose to stay with him I have to accept the fact the way he is. Now that it's not much of a surprise I might as well just let him get involved and maybe just let him do his own thing. After all it's his birthday.
1 person likes this
@CJscott (4185)
• Canada
6 Jun 10
Let me know how it all turns out.
@cmang83 (286)
• Malaysia
1 Jun 10
Hi Caliya, if i were your man, i will definitely happy if my girlfriend put an efford for my birthday.May be you can just keep silence and prepare everything as secret. I think this will be better. I think everyone will love surprise, no matter is female or male. Is it because of he is facing any difficulty or problem?
@caliya (1175)
• Philippines
5 Jun 10
I wish all men likes surprises but apparently some of them don't.
@kkanaka (888)
• Singapore
1 Jun 10
Maybe he really had other plans for his birthday, but it would really be good if someone else surprises us on our birthday, if he reacts in this way then maybe you just have to listen to him or else he might not like the surprise you have planned for him (for all the trouble you have gone through you dont want the day to turn out bad for you both) cheers!!!
@caliya (1175)
• Philippines
5 Jun 10
I have a strong feeling that he has plans so I will just let him do what he wants to do since it's his birthday.
@walking2010 (1010)
• United States
31 May 10
Well lets see first, how old is he turning if you don't mind me asking, because some men hit that mid life crisis, to where they don't want to face the fact that they are getting older, then if he feels that way, it might be something that he wants to do before he hit that certain age on his birthday. Then again growing up did he have surprise parties that did not turn out right? whether it was surprise parties or someone who took him some where and the plans didn't go according, to what they where suppose to be. What did you all do last year for his birthday? or are you both a new couple and this is your first birthday together, but find out why so for future birthdays you know how to deal with his coming birthdays. But find out especially because he might just be the type that if he plan something he know that its going to work out like he planned, and then if that is the case then you both can work past that, then you can just get him a gift, for all his coming birthdays.
@caliya (1175)
• Philippines
31 May 10
He is turning 32 and I don't really think that he's having some crises. But who knows?
@juggerogre (1659)
• Philippines
31 May 10
I would really be happy if my girlfriend surprises me with something that I have wanted for so long. I don't get your boyfriend. There's nothing wrong with what you do. Anyway I guess you should just do what he want. You don't want to argue with him on his birthday right?
@caliya (1175)
• Philippines
31 May 10
Definitely not. I want him to be very happy on his birthday so there's no way that I will argue with him on that day.
@cream97 (29179)
• United States
31 May 10
Hi, caliya. In cases like this, it is best to not say anything to him. Just keep it a secret so that way you can still surprise him without letting him know what you have planned for him. My husband is not too thrill with me giving him Birthday parties either. He is the type that does not celebrate Birthdays. I wish he was though. I don't like his bitter attitude when it comes to celebrating a Birthday.
@caliya (1175)
• Philippines
31 May 10
Hi there cream. I guess I just have to keep a secret and hope he will like it but if he has other plans of celebrating his birthday then I guess I just have to respect. Too bad they are not into birthday surprises
• India
13 Dec 12
Hi friend, sad to hear about this, may be he is not in a good mood, so only he is replied in this sort, don't worry a lot for this incident. Hope you both celebrated his b'day in a good way
@joan2010 (45)
• China
1 Jun 10
If you really want to have a surprise for him you should give him what he like.As it is a surprise so he should not know what the surprise is before.Don't upset,try to know what his plan is and help him make the plan into practice,after all it's his day.Cheer up my girl.
• India
1 Jun 10
Well, I really cant understand why he rebuffed you like this…I don’t think guys avoid surprises…I mean most brag about how their gfs surprise them! I could’ve understood if you had bought him something which he didn’t like … but this is something which no guy would dislike just like that…is he the controlling type? Maybe he feels it below his dignity to have his gf plan out such important dates for him.
@srganesh (6349)
• India
1 Jun 10
I think he reacted like that because he may not be free himself for a holiday on his birthday.Moreover he might not be in the right mood to accept your present.And may be your tone could have been commanding to hurt his ego.By the way,what did he said next when you expressed your regret?
@emsxxx (75)
• Indonesia
1 Jun 10
first, it's not a surprise anymore second, it's his birthday, so he decides third, he wants to do what he want to do on his birthday. it' his day fourth, some men just don't like their birthday and any fuss about it. he wants the day to be as normal day as possible ^^
1 Jun 10
just do it anyway ha
@kquiming (2999)
• Philippines
31 May 10
I believe there are men who actually have appreciation for surprises. I can't speak for your man because I don't know him. There could be other problems or issues going on with him, so it's hard to conclude what really irritated him -- is it the idea of surprises or is it somebody else's planning for his own birthday? You get the idea? ANyway I'm sorry to hear that he made you feel bad about. Of course I'd feel the same if I were you. I hope you two will be able to discuss what happened.
@laglen (19783)
• United States
31 May 10
well, it IS his birthday. I would say, dont get upset, now you know in advance that this is what he wants. Dont assume that something you would want is what he would want. He has told you. I am sure he didnt mean anything toward you about it. Let him have his day. Some people just do NOT like surprises.
@khalida (1130)
• India
31 May 10
i think you can just take him out without saying that you have a surprise for him? so that once he likes it, he can't react that way! or may be he likes to be the planner so before planning anything, you can ask him if he is having any plans in mind for his birthday!?? if he says something you guys can do that and you can add your plan to it too. :)