Worried I'm going to end up alone.
By pooja30
@pooja30 (203)
India
June 18, 2010 3:24pm CST
I used to think I wasn't old enough to worry about this kind of stuff, but as the years have gone by, I've had more relationships fail me than anything else, and I've had too many friends walk out of my life for what seemed like no reason at all. In the last four years, I've lost two boyfriends, six best friends and gained one extremely wonderful friend, but the losses still hurt more than the gain. Somehow the way my life's been shaping out so far, I have this numbing fear that I'm going to wake up one day, with no classes to attend, no friends to talk to, no work to finish and no love to be happy about. As a person, I'm prone to crazy mood swings once a month, but that's true of most girls, I think. Other than that, I'm pretty normal, if not overly nice to people who don't really deserve the niceness. Yet, I keep losing people I consider to be extremely important to me, for the most ridiculous reasons.
What I'm wondering is this - once you get done with all your levels of schooling, where do you go to find people who might end up being good friends to you? Sure, people turn up in the most unexpected places, like at a gym or online, but what if you've given up all hope of finding that one special person, who makes everybody else seem rather ordinary? What would you do then?
1 response
@Tangeryne (412)
• India
18 Jun 10
I feel for you cause I feel the exact same way!!! I like being alone, I'm kinda introverted but most times I feel people don't like me. Anyone's first impression about me is that I'm rude and have an attitude problem but that's just how I am. I don't realise I'm being rude or arrogant!! I feel even my close friends don't like me. I dunno if there's any truth in it or if its just my insecurities nagging at me!!
On the relationship front as well, I feel I'm gonna end up alone. Had my frist bf at 17 though that didn't last long. Then a long gap and then my next bf whom I didn't exactly had feelings for, its just that I wanted to be in a relationship . And then my last relationship, the one I was so attached to and serious about that I even thought we may end up together but he let me down and now he's married to someone else!!! I've never been the one to do the chasing and never will and that's precisely why I feel I'm gonna end up alone!!!!! I so wanna be in a relationship, need someone to love and care for me but I just think that's so hard to fined for a person like me :-( :-( Just today I was thinking about this on my way to work and I felt so depressed!!!!
Like you said in one of your earlier discussions, I too used to be into online friends years ago. Back then I had loads but not I just have 1-2 who I've kept in contact on and off over the years. There's this guy I know for 8yrs but we have met in person as yet. He's gone through a difficult relationship as well. We flirt but he's very moody so I can't say things will take off between us. Also I'm paranoid he'll get back with his ex!! Guess I've blabbered too much and taken over your discussion. Sorry But I just had to vent this out!
@pooja30 (203)
• India
18 Jun 10
I'm the exact same way! The first impression I give off to people is that I'm snobbish and that I have this whole holier-than-thou air about me, which I totally do not, but I guess that's the easiest way to categorise someone who doesn't try to socialise too much in the beginning. And most of my close friends ended up resenting me for my insecurities, and left me before I could go "psycho" on them - their words, not mine. And it sucks, because they're the people you expect to be around all the time, and they're definitely not the ones you want leaving you randomly.
Relationships haven't been so good for me either, it followed almost the exact same trend your's did. The last guy I was with was one person I really really liked, and could actually see myself with in the long run, but he ended up being quite the jerk, who wanted another girl at the same time he was with me. I actually tried to be a different person for him and it just slapped me in the face, and now it's just like even if I do find a guy that I want to be with, I'm worried he might end up doing the same thing and I'll be stuck cleaning up my own mess alone again!
It's good that you have someone online, it can be this weird but good escape from reality, in my opinion. Maybe things will work out for you two in time, maybe after he's had time to get over his ex! :) I'm rooting for you, and I don't mind at all that you vented, I totally get the need to do that every now and then. It's better than having all these crazy feelings roam around inside you, and have them blow up later. :)
@Tangeryne (412)
• India
18 Jun 10
Its sad that you tried to change to please him and then it backfires on you. I feel the same, like I've been slapped over and over again. Just keep your fingers crossed! Just cause one relationship didn't work out, doesn't mean the others will end up like that as well. Hope you find someone who likes you for being you!! All the best :-)
