When is lying acceptable?

August 1, 2010 3:04am CST
I have a high school daughter who is a government scholar for a top science high school in my country. They are being housed in the school dormitory under the supervision of a dorm manager (DM), who makes sure that these kids abide of the school's and dorm's rules and regulation. This year I bought my daughter a laptop so she can use it for her school work and researches. However,there is this dorm's laptop policy, that students can only use their laptops on a specified time (in other words on limited time only)and they cannot keep their laptops in their rooms and they have to deposit their laptops to the dorm manager (DM) as well after use ---(what a stupid policy). What happens is that, many deposited laptops get broken and the DM won't take the responsibility for that. My daughter does not want to deposit her laptop because she fears that her laptop will have the same fate as those other broken laptops kept by the DM. She can be assured that her laptop is safe and better taken cared of if she keeps it in her possession than depositing it. In short, she did not declare her laptop so that she does not have to deposit it to the DM. However, no matter how she keeps that secret, the DM finally found out about that laptop and reprimanded her for that. At first she was asked if she owns the laptop. Her first impulse was to deny. Then she probably realized immediately, that no matter how much she denies it, the truth would still prevail. So she admitted possession of the laptop. Because of that incident the DM issued her an Incident Report (IR) for disobeying the laptop policy and for lying. She is a contender for Dean's Lister and an honor student. A student with an IR automatically is disqualified to become a Dean's Lister. As the parent, I was called during the hearing. I know, my daughter lied and broke the rule. As a parent, we should not tolerate such actions, morally speaking, because we know lying to be morally wrong. However, I understand my daughter's motivation behind the actions. Others may expect me not to tolerate it. But I oppose so. I am in a dilemma. I also do not want to be branded as a bad parent. Could you share your thoughts? If you were me, what would you do?
1 person likes this
3 responses
• United States
1 Aug 10
$ hours and no one has come to respond yet. I find that a shame and a disgrace. When they really need help I hope they get the same thing. My daughter went to a group home and was told to hand in her cell phone. She did not let them have her cell phone. I felt like it was wrong being the kids were somewhere far in the woods like area and should always have a way to reach out had something gone wrong. Like when my daughter was walking up that long hill lost in the dark. It was a blessing she had that phone to call me and I called the police and told them where to find her. I did not feel I was wrong then or now. Your daughter knows the place better than you do. She had good reasons for keeping the laptop and it still was wrong but sometimes your put in these positions in life. I would tell them how she feels about it and explain it from there. If she got scared and said the first thing that came to her mind she should not be pusnished for that. Kids are doing far worst things then protecting their computers.And I would be sure to mention that as well. Good luck!
• Philippines
1 Aug 10
Thank you giftsandbagscom for taking your time to respond. I know this is the kind of discussion that most wouldn't like to respond to. But that's okay. I was just expressing in writing what I'm feeling at that very moment. I wasn't expecting anything though. Anyway, thank you so much for your thoughts. It enlightened me, really. Your point is the same as mine. I have decided to stand behind my daughter. She has her own good reasons indeed. And my daughter's future is more important to me than any damn reputation. And I am not going to jeopardize that just for my reputation of being a good parent. Thanks, your advice helped a lot.
• China
6 Aug 10
I have no child, and for my parents, I'm still a child. So I cannot air my opinion with a parent status. But if I am your daughter, I will do the same actions. I know that lies is incorrect. But under the unreasonable rules and some awful instances has been done, of course I will do something to ensure my own's benefit. So I do understand your daughter's action, there is nothing to be blamed for her.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
1 Aug 10
Honesty is always the best policy no matter what the situation may be. Telling a lie should never be acceptable. One lie leads to another and another. Before you know it, you no longer what the truth is. there is no trust in a lie no matter how great or small it is.