Love versus Hatred

Philippines
August 1, 2010 7:11am CST
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years now.. 2 years ago, I found out that he cheated on me. He asked me to stay and I decided to stay because I though time will come that I can forget everything he did.. Now, it's been 2 years and I can't even forgive what he did. I don't know what to do. He is asking me to marry him but I don't know what to say. I don't wanna marry a person who I didn't trust.. Yes, I do love him but it is not enough right? Advice please.
2 people like this
25 responses
@advokatku (4037)
• Indonesia
1 Aug 10
follow your heart. Listen and feel. I think the Lord has said that the man will never become your life companion, in the love or in the grief. Please, you must Know that, actually your soul mate is me
• Philippines
1 Aug 10
you're my soulmate? for real??? :) actually, i love him so much.. and i don't think i can spend my life without him.. Time will tell.. anyway, thanks for the advice soulmate! :)
@gunagohan (3415)
• India
1 Aug 10
Everything is forgivable!!!!! Just marry him...If u leave him, then you are doing your part on cheating him.. So, the solution is marriage.. Everything will fade away if u marry him with full heart.. Happy mylotting..
• Philippines
1 Aug 10
thank you for the wonderful advice. Your advice will surely help me on my decision. I love him so much. And I don't wanna lose him.
@hexeduser22 (5853)
• Philippines
21 Aug 10
Love is not enough to marry a person. Remember you would be spending your lifetime with him and if you think you cannot completely trust him then I can say you are definitely not ready. If you don't feel comfortable then you shouldn't force your self. You're still young, you got more things ahead of you
@hexeduser22 (5853)
• Philippines
21 Aug 10
Love is not enough to marry a person. Remember you would be spending your lifetime with him and if you think you cannot completely trust him then I can say you are definitely not ready. If you don't feel comfortable then you shouldn't force your self. You're still young, you got more things ahead of you
@meirhu (367)
• Israel
4 Aug 10
You're right. You don't HAVE to marry him. But stick with him for as long as you both want. Did he tell you WHY he cheated on you ? Is it for a reason that you CAN'T forgive ?
@aldawn22 (224)
• Philippines
3 Aug 10
They said that it's very easy to build trust to a person but once it was broke then it takes a decade to trust again that person. I guess in your situation even though that you gave him a chance to be in the relationship again but still you didn't forget what he had done. An excerpt from the movie a walk to remember the poem stated the definition of love from the bible. As i quote 'Love does not remember wrongs done against it". Learn to forgive totally and don't let any negative feelings with him. If you really love him then try to build the trust that was broken. Try to move on and be happy without any fear that you will get hurt again. Enjoy life!
@JOIEMARVIC (2342)
• Philippines
3 Aug 10
If you ahve second thoughts about something, it is much better not to do it.Just like crossing a street.If you feel like a car would likely hit you when you cross, why risk yourself to the dangers of being hit. You might end up dying in the process. A marriage without trust, will not work out. Never settle for something because it's the only thing available at present. move on and look forward for Mr. Right who will never cheat a pretty and loving girl like you.
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
3 Aug 10
You answer 'no'. If you can't trust him, move on and find someone you can.
@sami00 (891)
• India
2 Aug 10
Hello Marrying him is the best solution for you,its just my opinion only.You are saying you love him.If you love him you can forgive him.But same time trust is the most important in our life.Think many times and take a good decision.Best of luck for your life.
• Philippines
2 Aug 10
When someone did something bad to you, you are expected to forgive that person instantly, but to trust that person he must prove first that he is change and truly repent from what he did and he really accept that what he did is wrong. I hope you won't get mad at me when I say that maybe you don't love him, because love is 100%, if trust is missing you cannot say that you love him, if you will say that your love for him was lessen because of what he did to you before...I guess your love for him was gone along time ago, maybe the love that you have for him was now base only to your emotions and to the years that you've been together. True love was base on commitment...if you cannot commit to the person then I guess you don't love him anymore...or maybe you never deal what you felt when he did that to you, I guess you should be more honest to him about how you really feel, your pain, or maybe your fear because he might do it again, I guess if you clear everything to him and you both understand and know what's really inside your thoughts about each other and honesty was there I guess you'll find the really forgiveness and acceptance and trust him again,,,and I guess you can decide if you can still commit to him. Loving someone is accepting everything about him, and commit to support him and encourage him, and to bring out the best in him forever. You can do it girl, but if you can't I guess is time to move on with your lives, set each other free...because without trust you can never commit and without commitment you will never last, and without those we can't say there is love...the real one not for any sake. God bless.! Aja!
2 Aug 10
I am surprised you are still with him if you cannot forgive your boyfriend for the cheating. It isn't a good idea to have a marriage without trust, and perhaps you need to think about whether you should be in a relationship at all. Love is not enough, you need trust and respect too. Two years is a long time to not be able to forgive someone, follow your heart, that uneasy feeling isn't there for no reason.
@krnavtr (285)
• India
2 Aug 10
Marry him,if not its like cheating the one who loves you.Its almost 6 yrs and within these yr hope he had studied you and want to marry you.try to marry with a person who loves you not who you love but hates you.marriage life won't be same as staying in relation.
• Malaysia
2 Aug 10
Love can lead to 2 things. Happiness and Hate. If you gone cheated, it will lead to hatred. If you been treated nice, it will lead to happiness. As in your case, you've been cheated and there are some hatred already inside you. If you need him and feel like he's the one for you, try to discuss the matters maturely and ask what actually his problems that lead him to have extra relationship with other girl. And don't have the blame upon yourself since sometimes, when guys insecure of themselves, they will cheat. But remind yourself of one thing as well, people do change. The decision is now to make. Marriage is not a simple thing to commit with. If your boyfriend have no confidence in himself regarding uphold the bond with you, it will end miserably. You guys need to get more time together if want to stay together. 6 years of experience are not enough from what I can see in what you express here.
2 Aug 10
You need to sit down with him and have a very frank and deep discussion. You shouldn't go into a marriage with fears about his faithfulness; you should go into a marriage in absolute trust. Tell him what you are thinking. Ask him why he was unfaithful. Presumably he was young and foolish. Has he grown up in two years? Maybe he was just trying to get something out of his system and now he realises that you are his true love and he was stupid to cheat on you. You need to have his absolute assurance that this will never happen again. He needs to know that he will lose you for good if it does. Even though it is a very big betrayal, there are worse things that can happen to a relationship than infidelity. Good luck to you both. XX
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
2 Aug 10
I will just give my points of view here and the final decision is always with you. If I were you I will reject his proposal and leave him, why should I marry a person that once cheated at me. If he cheated on me once then he will do it all over again if i forgive him. Then the whole scenario of your marriage is crying and arguing with each other. I cant afford to stay with a person who thinks of other woman while im on his side, go and wait for the right one to come that it worth it for your love.
• Philippines
2 Aug 10
dear , Pray for it.. ask for signs that will help you decide . Yes, its hard to trust again to a person who has betrayed and hurt you once. I always believe that when its done once there can always be a second time, But there is also an exemption to every rule , So pray for the right decision , besides you love the person anyway...so everything for the future is worth considering for....
@gaboni (644)
• Israel
1 Aug 10
I think you should not refuse, but you need to talk with him about you being skeptic because of his little 'incident'. I am sure that if you will speak, both of you will overcome this bridge and marry happily ever after, another successful marriage;) I love weddings [hint] Especially when I am invited[/endofhint]
• Indonesia
1 Aug 10
Nobody perfectly, in this case you have been together for almost 6 years and I think you can through all those years must be with commitment that called love. Why I call love is a commitment ? in your case, if not a commitment what should I say to the people can be together for that number of years. I don't really know what kind of cheat or why he cheated on you, but If he asking you to marry you it show him that he is a responsible man and have a strong commitment to be with you.
1 Aug 10
You see, ive been with my boyfriend for a couple years now, and i love him more than anything. We are really protective and jealous over eachother..extremely. And we both know that if one of us even did anything close to cheating, we couldn't live with it. I really don't understand the reason for cheating on someone you TRUELY love. Why? If that person is your everything.. why look for something else?. For me.. it seems like if he cheated on you, he wasn't satisfied with what he had. and obviously, if you haven't forgiven him, you have doubts about him too. Marriage will not solve it, and make you forget about it. It will just make it worse, if your grudge never goes away...or if he does it again!!!!!. Even though i love my boyfriend more than anything in the world..i would never forgive him for cheating on me...those thoughts would never go away, of him being with someone else. I would never be able to forget the fact that i wasn't good enough for him and that he needed someone else to satisfy his needs. It sickens me just thinking about it. REALLY think about it before you do something drastic.
@skmak110 (79)
1 Aug 10
Of the many contracdictions that exist in the world, the contrast between Love and hate is perharps the starkest. It is one that help us value tru Love while undertsanding the ramifications of hatred. According to Henry Wandsworth Longfellow "the is nothing in this world so sweet as love and next to love the sweetest thing is hate". Sigmund Freud "dogs love their friends and bite their enemies,quite unlike people who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate"...