How can I help my friend open up?
By jonnifc
@jonnifc (1017)
Philippines
August 25, 2010 1:15am CST
I have a friend who is 33 years old and has never had a boyfriend. She studied in an all-girls school all her life except in college, where we met. She loves reading novels so much that her books are her "babies". She works but she says most of the people she works with are married. She is so idealistic, probably because of them novels. LOL! She's pretty but she has sort of a snobbish look. She's friendly but she likes to be at home too much. We invite her to this monthly dinner that we have with our college friends but she says "must we see each other every month"? She is so introverted and doesn't like to do new things. Yet she complains that she still has no boyfriend. I want to fix her up with someone but I don't know of anyone that she might like. Is it ok if I fix her up with someone who is totally her opposite and has habits I know she doesn't like? We tell her to lighten up and be more outgoing. She says why can't she just be herself? Sometimes she doesn't want to come with us when we go out because she feels she'll be left out since she's only one who's single. What can I do to help her open up and be more approachable?
2 people like this
11 responses
@ANIME123 (2466)
• United States
26 Aug 10
Well I don't know you can make her to open up maybe she doesn't want a boyfriend and she loves living on her own I know that I would. My ideal life for me right now would be to live alone and to go to work and then just go back home I know that it may sound that I am not going to have much of an enjoyable life, but to me it sounds pretty good. I hope that you can still be able to help your friend out though maybe you can go over to her place and invite some guy friends if it's ok by her, but I don't really know. I'm sure that you will figure something out good luck.
@jonnifc (1017)
• Philippines
26 Aug 10
Well she says she wants to have a relationship already, but she thinks that there aren't any more "good guys" left. She finds flaws in a lot of men and that turns her off. I even have suggested to her instead of finding a guy, why not try a girl! LOL! But we've been telling her to lighten up with her standards in men. With regards to your preference, I don't find anything wrong with living alone. If it makes you happy, then do so. I think we should all learn to love ourself enough not to attach our worth to someone else. But I think my friend is not happy but she's too scared to get out of her comfort zone. Thanks a lot! =)
@skyejade (16)
• Philippines
26 Aug 10
There are many ways to be approachable I suggest that you give her an online friend e.g. chatmate so she can slowly be exposed to the outside world since you have to increase your friend's interaction with others. Eventually you have to involve her socially , because , as I've read, " socialization decreases feelings of isolation and genuine regard for others can incerease self-worth" (Varcarollis 2007).
@enciel (368)
• Philippines
31 Aug 10
I am pretty much like your friend... I'm not sure what to say since I am somehow in the same situation as her.
But as for me, I'd like to at least meet someone just to be friends with first, not a romantic meeting right away. Maybe you could go out with some of your friends like a mall or watch a movie that you both enjoy. You can invite some guy friends, just have fun. On a sidenote don't go out with her along bring your boyfriend because it is really awkward to go out with couples especially when you are single.
@for3verfamous (2190)
• Canada
25 Aug 10
I sound a little like your friend.. Though I'm not 33, and I've had boyfriends. 
What I recommend is find her a guy who is complete opposite of her. It sounds like a bad idea.. But honestly this has worked for me. My boyfriend is complete opposite of me when it comes to anything.
I used to be very quiet, shy, and introverted. My boyfriend never stops talking, he talks to anyone and everyone. I am no longer as introverted because of him.
What I recommend is find her a guy who is complete opposite of her. It sounds like a bad idea.. But honestly this has worked for me. My boyfriend is complete opposite of me when it comes to anything.
I used to be very quiet, shy, and introverted. My boyfriend never stops talking, he talks to anyone and everyone. I am no longer as introverted because of him.@jonnifc (1017)
• Philippines
25 Aug 10
Yeah, that's what I thought. We all start out wanting to find a guy who fits our idea of "mr right". Little did we know, that someone who is totally our opposite would be the perfect guy for us. Me and my boyfriend is like that, too. I guess she is still at that stage where she wants her ideal guy or no one else. But there's wisdom in "opposites attract", as they say. So, you think she won't hate me if I fix her up with the "opposite" guy, eh? Hey, thanks for your response and cheers!
@mikaela8132000 (144)
• Philippines
25 Aug 10
i got a friend like that we even tease her being a nun hehe .. she is right she need to be herself so she will be more comfortable .. i mean if ur in her situation im sure u will not want to do stuff u dnt like to do? and cant be urself cause ur friend want u to be like this and that .. maybe she really just late blommer but im sure one day if ever she got the right guy for him she will be different ^^
@jonnifc (1017)
• Philippines
26 Aug 10
You're right, she should still be herself. But maybe a more relaxed version of her self. We don't want her to become totally different from who she is. Maybe just be a little more outgoing or open to others. I hope you're right about her being al ate bloomer.....but I hope she blooms soon! LOL! c",)
@liweiwei0909 (403)
• China
25 Aug 10
It is a tough question. And I have the same friends just luke yours, they are searching a way to find the GF/BF. But I think, for this problem, there should not be a specific way to achieve the goal.
Maybe they should become more kind and try to go to outside often, in this way, can make many new frineds, maybe you can meet the Mr/Ms Right among them.
@liweiwei0909 (403)
• China
25 Aug 10
It is a tough question. And I have the same friends just luke yours, they are searching a way to find the GF/BF. But I think, for this problem, there should not be a specific way to achieve the goal.
Maybe they should become more kind and try to go to outside often, in this way, can make many new frineds, maybe you can meet the Mr/Ms Right among them.
@kingparker (9673)
• United States
25 Aug 10
You did a right thing, take her out and try to be a match maker. She will meet her natural lover, don't worry about it. Maybe she isn't the socialized type, so, let her be. Or you can hook her up with those blind date, if she is up for it. Otherwise, you can force her to like anything.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
25 Aug 10
Tell her to relax and enjoy life a bit as you only live once and well youth never comes back.
As for my recommendation on when she does not want to go out, explain to her that opposites attract and she has to give it a chance. Unless she does she will not know if it right and or wrong.
@edwardjoy2000 (2387)
• United Arab Emirates
25 Aug 10
You need to help her first to meet with people...rather than parties. When she makes friends then she will automatically have friends to enjoy the party. She will be able to mix up with people and have fun.
