To be a single mother.

China
August 25, 2010 3:05am CST
My friend have been pregnant for six monthes, in a near future, she will have a baby and become a mother, but a single mother. Today I made a call to her and asked is there everything OK for her, but I heard an unexpected answer. She told me that she had been under a heavy pressure since everyone around knew she was pregnant but not married. In her opinion, she became a hate figure to a certain section of the press, and a bogeyman to the local Government, so many gossips around her. Gradually, some of her relatives and friends began to not understand her, even her parents. All of these brough her a big pain. I know to be a single mother is not a simple thing, there will be many difficults need them to be faced, especially in a conservative country. This is the fact. But I really can not understand, as a person, when you are faced with a poor woman, it is OK for that you don't give your hands to do a help, but why to hurt them? What you will get from?
3 people like this
15 responses
@thanks1961 (7049)
• India
25 Aug 10
Hi dear, I don't know how to answer to this issue. Little complicated but simple. As you may be aware, a women become pregnant before marriage is the worst and most humiliated fact all over the world. As you said, it is the custom and practice that we follow. In many cases, the girl will suffer her worst for the rest of her life time. A matured girl should be well aware of the consequences. There's one hidden fact. If this is the case, I know in cities and developed countries, half of the pregnant women would be unmarried. This is a fact and most of the society (at least the girls) are well aware of this fact also. But if it is not 'properly handled' the situation turn to the most unwanted thing in front of all. Here as she is 6 months and above, we cannot expect any precautions, other than let her to give birth to a child only. Few things what thing I think of now is, find out who the person behind the reason of her condition. Get hold of the guy. Ask him to look after her. If the person is a typical person (I mean not married and no liability), as him to get marry to her. Such things are common and happened also at several places. If he is ready, let them get married. But if the person is already got married and having family now, he may not be willing to accept her. If she is bold enough to face the consequences, let her go for the next proceedings and stay alongwith the child for the rest of her life. But the opposition from the family and relatives, neighbors and the society as a whole is an issue. Especially, she is poor and illiterate, she need help from family. If she is educated and able to manage a life, (if working women) and can able to live her own, ask her to leave the place and move to a different location and stay over there so as to avoid the humiliation form others. But this is a fact and she has to face the situation. There are few things we should understand. A man, he is not a victim, but as a girl/women, all should be careful of her own life, whichis once only for ever and should be cautious about such things. If she get married, properly all the life time she could have enjoy the s*x for the life time period. But, her lust for such things, the one time 'affair' made her life spolied for the rest of the life. If get any lession from this, accept it. Or get ready to accept the consequences. If possible, go and meet her. That is the best part you can do for her. Find out what all the thinngs are going on and advice her to face the consequences and give courage to her. In such cases, you also may have to get kicks form others. But if you are a good frined, talk to few more friends and if possible, arrange few boys/man also to get a moral support. And make to understand her family and others. Happend is happend, resolve it with a better alternative and suitable options. Best of luck and regards, Thank-s
• China
26 Aug 10
Many place should established some policy or some setup to help there poor woman. TO be a single mother is not the fault of the women, just because she meet a irresponsible man in her life.
• India
26 Aug 10
Hi dear, How is the situation there now? Ask her not to get panic and hope things will come cool slowly. Best regards, Thank-s
• China
27 Aug 10
She met an irresponsible man, and she decided to be a single mother after she found she is pregnant. At the first she thought she can overcome all the difficlut in future, but now, be faced with the gossip around and the attitude from the family, she doesn't know how to deal with, be at a loss with her future.
@jasmeena (850)
• Indonesia
26 Aug 10
Is it your friend`s decision to be a single mom or she is a single mom because of an unpleasant situation?There are some women who decide to be single mom not because their BF don`t want to marry them. Those women think that their BF`s are childish, can`t be good father and well, there are many reasons. Does your friend work?how is she now?
• China
26 Aug 10
To be a single mother is not her wish, all the thing just like a dream and unexpection. But she is pregnant, it is a truth. She do want to do the abortion just because she is unmarried, the baby is innocent. And the man, he really can not do a good father, even a good husband foe a woman.
@chinoxads (255)
• United States
26 Aug 10
That is problem that some culture don't seem this as a good role model, they see it as a bad example, in my country you can see a lot single mother living their live normally, i think this become a normal situation here because the men don't have the responsability to take the child, and they prefer to pay a child support than be with them. My sister is a single mother and she and her son live with my mother, and i can tell you that she passed a very difficult time when the child born, but our family was there to support her and help her with the child. This is my advice for her, that she live her life with the child no matter what other people said, the most important thing is that she is bringing to the world the most bless thing, and try to find some other friend that can understand her. Be with the child is the most beautiful thing, and that child is an innocent and indefense human being.
• China
27 Aug 10
Yes, when someone in a difficult time, the support from family and friends is so important. I think if she can get the support from the people around, she will be better.
@thaMARKER (3096)
• Philippines
26 Aug 10
i agree that it's not that easy. i have never been a mother but i can imagine how hard it would be. my life is sometimes a mess now that i'm feeding myself only, what more if i have a baby. plus having no father. well i guess i can manage without a father, i'll get by of course. it's just that it'll make me sad.
• China
26 Aug 10
Yes, it is well known that To raise up the baby alone is a difficult thing, so we should give the hand to them, not hurt them with some gossips.
• Philippines
25 Aug 10
Hello liweiwei0909! I appreciate your concern to this friend of yours. People who looked down on unmarried women are narrow minded people and no amount of explanation will suffice their prejudice. But everything has its own reason, it all happens for a reason...In mistakes we became better people and in pain we are strengthened... I'm a single Mom too first and foremost(by choice) but I don't have regrets with it. We are all fallible...Nobody can claim that he/she is perfect. Everyone has it's own reason..But irregardless of our different views on flaws of others, I think it is unfair on single mothers to condemn them especially in situation like what your friend is in right now. We just need to be sensible that they are human beings too. Having you as her friend helps a lot! Make her understand that the baby on her womb is precious and priceless.Criticism and disdain from other people should be ignored, it will not help her feel better at this stage of her life. She must think of the baby...she has to be strong. She don't need to prove anything to gossipers around, but her aim should be how to be a good and responsible mother to her child against all odds! Gudluck to your friend and God bless you!
• China
26 Aug 10
Thank you for you supporting and the good advice. I will stand with her all the way. To be a single mother is a difficult thing, they are the ones need and should get more help, but not the gossip hurt.
@hestylim (1211)
• Indonesia
25 Aug 10
It is hard to be a single mother in here as well. One of my friend got pregnant and don't get married. It was a big slap for her. But then, her mother helped her by making the birth certificate of her child as her younger sister. In my opinion, if we cannot help, then don't complain! I don't like that type of people that you said. Cannot help but hurt poor woman that way. Hope your friend is strong enough to face that. Be strong.
• China
26 Aug 10
I believe my friend is a strong girl, she will be overcome the difficulties to raise up her baby alone. And i will be the strong backing with her.
@GemmaR (8527)
25 Aug 10
I don't think any woman should be a single mother. I think that getting pregnant is as much the responsibility of the man who she slept with as it is for the woman. If anything, I think that the man is more responsible. It is extremely wrong that the man in the couple can just walk away without caring about his child or even paying any money for it, yet if the woman did that, she would be considered heartless and people would look down on her for it. Any woman who brings a child up on her own deserves a medal in my opinion, as it really isn't an easy thing to do.
• China
26 Aug 10
The man is unmarried, but is a bad man. To marry him is not a happy thing. Maybe bring up her baby by herself is the beat choose for now.
@oldchem1 (8144)
25 Aug 10
This seems just so amazing to me reading this discussion in England. I would say that probably more than half our young mothers here are single mothers, ther is no shame or stigma attatched to it now. I do remember a time when there was thpough ( cos I am VERY old), but was amazed to see that it is still looked down on so much in the 21st century. I do hope your friend manages to get on with hter life and bringing up her new child despite all thses nasty thoughts, words and actions. People should be helping her not calling her names!
• China
25 Aug 10
In our place, people can accept the single mother who had married, but can not accept the sigle mother who are unmarried. For them, it is a terrible thing. I am so angry with these fogyish people.
• Pamplona, Spain
29 Sep 10
Hiya liwei, Things seem to very tough for this young Woman and I wish her all the best. She has great courage to bring up a child on her own with that kind of atmosphere around her. She will be in need of all the Friends she can get around her to support her. Also her Parents not being helpful at the moment may get to turn around once the Baby is born and they see him/her in the MotherĀ“s arms. Even so give her all my best wishes and tell her I think she is a number one Mum to bring a Child into this World with such bad things going on around her. At the moment she will not feel strong but once the Baby is born the strength comes back and she will stand on her own two feet. What a brave Girl liwei hope things go very well for her and say ta ta to the gossips. They are no one and they just have idle tongues to wag.
@KrauseHome (33249)
• United States
30 Aug 10
Personally I cannot believe that even still yet today there are so many people out there in the world who are like this. You would think even if she is not Married they should be Happy for her, and willing to help her out if she needs help. I marvel women who have to do it on their own and think most of them are awesome as parents, and in turn need all the Help and support they can get. Yes it might be rough for them but most of the time the joy of motherhood outweighs everything else. Just hope somehow things change for your friend and everyone will continue to Love and support her more as well.
@Absinto (2397)
• Portugal
25 Aug 10
That is just evil. She doesnt need to get married just because she is pregnant. I tis her choice and nobody elses, and people should help her out or give her support instead of going around with gossip. I cant even believe her parents dont understand her. They need to think that some people make the choice of not getting married because they dont want to take the risk of getting divorced in the future and hurt their children. Their are plenty of single mothers here, of course there is gossip but it is more because of there age and not because they are not married.
@angelface23 (2502)
• United States
25 Aug 10
Im not sure what country you are in but I know that many countries outside the USA look down on single mothers. Parents are supposed to be married and if you are a single mother then you are labeled as a w*ore or low life. I don't understand what people get from trying to hurt this girl. Do you mean physically or just emotionally?? Either one takes it's toll especially on a pregnant woman. I hope that she and her baby will be okay.
@jailo12 (332)
• Philippines
25 Aug 10
she have to stay strong for her coming baby ..she is all the baby have if ever ..so staying strong is the best way for her ..just ignore those people ..they have nothing to do with your baby ..^^
@dccell (337)
• Indonesia
25 Aug 10
Bad..Bad.. to bad in our country such single mother will to leave her place to somewhere in which no one knows her prepeously and not allowed to visit her parent and family any more till she found someone to marry her ... any now it`s 21st century and 2012 year will come soon...
25 Aug 10
*hugs* That is such an awful situation for her. Encourage her, love her, and love the child. Sometimes people cannot handle things that do not fit in their worldview and sometimes people with closed minds sit in the government and end up making others miserable.