why do people hurt others? and give them pain?

@ggeeta (155)
India
September 7, 2010 11:23am CST
we come across many people in our life, who hurt us, why do they do like that? don't they just think that by so doing, it pains us a lot? why don't they understand that when they can't tolerate pain of being hurt, we are also the same? people are just rude sometimes, they don't even bother to notice what they are telling other people, they just throw their words like stones on to others. does our pain brings them happiness? sometimes we even see our own relatives, own friends hurting us. which is so sad. when they say a word, why don't they just give a minute to think that whatever they say might hurt our feelings. tell me friends, if someone hurts us, does god keep quiet just letting us suffer? what should we do with people who hurt us? today am so much hurt due to one of my close relative. and am just sad, waiting for god to help me out in this situation to bring solace to my heart.
3 people like this
13 responses
• India
7 Sep 10
Hi, People don't hurt us unless they are dissatisfied themselves. People who are frustrated and vulnerable often suffer from a lack of self esteem. Due to this lack of self esteem they want to regain their confidence by belittling others. Inner frustration often gives a very bitter and unpleasant sensation. When this sensation reaches beyond a certain tolerable limit the person starts behaving in anomalous ways. I've studied this in great details and even wrote an article http://www.bukisa.com/articles/348782_why-do-people-behave-badly on this. How do you expect a sad person to spread happiness in his surroundings? One can only give you something that one oneself possesses. If there is no happiness in one's own life, how can you expect to get happiness from him? Similarly, only a strong person can make you strong. People with weak mentalities always suck energy and self confidence from you. Even if you are a happy person, mixing up with negative minded people will make you melancholic. Thanks. God bless you.
• United States
7 Sep 10
Hi getbiswa200, Unhappy people are sad creatures who have been hurt by humans or nature. They seem to feel that life is not treating them fairly, and they hate seeing anyone happy or having a good life. People who deliberately hurt other people, some they don't even know, just to satisfy themselves, are known as bullies. We all know that bullies have issues that needs to be addressed by professionals such as counselors, psychologist, or psychiatrist, that would get to the root of their problems. Most times bullies do have low self-esteem and just can't seem to let go of the anger. Therefore, they will look for someone who has a low or lower self esteem than they do, then bully them to feel better.
@ggeeta (155)
• India
8 Sep 10
Something that needs to ponder here is that our own people troubling us. why should they be dissatisfied when we are living our own life and not at all depending on them? and their life is their own. 'getbiswa', we can go away from everyone, but we can't go away from our own people which is why when they hurt it pains us a lot and not just that, we have to just suffer when they hurt. leaving them is not a resolution for the issue.
• India
8 Sep 10
@Geeta Sounds like I failed to make my arguments clear here. why should they be dissatisfied when we are living our own life and not at all depending on them? They are not dissatisfied with you. It's themselves that they are dissatisfied with. They are angry, but not with you. In reality they are angry with themselves. Unfortunately, they are not wise enough to understand that. The realization needs introspection, but they are too impatient to do that. So they remain dissatisfied. They are not ready to accept the responsibilities of the what happened to them, so they are always looking for people to blame. It's not about you, if you observe carefully, you'll understand that they can blame just anyone for anything. we have to just suffer when they hurt Not at all. None can hurt us without our consent. If you just refuse to get hurt, there is no mortal soul that can hurt you. All you have to do is to detach yourself from the situation and take a wise, indifferent look. Just think about it.
@p3ks626 (6552)
• Philippines
8 Sep 10
It depends on the reason why they are doing that. There are some people who tend to hurt but they are not doing it intentionally. There are also some who would do that cause putting other people down makes them feel better about themselves.
@ggeeta (155)
• India
8 Sep 10
hi p3ks, we do know when a person does it intentionally and when he/she does unintentionally right? i just don't care if i feel that a person speaks something unintentionally. But then, when a person speaks intentionally and knowing that the other person will surely be hurt with their words, that really causes pain. feelings really play a role in our life.
@Mitraa (3188)
• India
7 Sep 10
Yes Ggeeta, modesty and polished way of speaking is the most delicate part of human behaviour that a large number of people do not know! It spends nothing, but purchases the other person by heart! But in the other way, many saddist people keep a distance from this and torture people by words and activities also! They are, I may say, mentally or emotionally ill persons. To cure them, it needs a lot of counselling as well as interactions! Thanks for this nice topic and have good speaking friends always!!
@ggeeta (155)
• India
8 Sep 10
Yes mitraa, I always look forward for good people around me and i also try to be as much nice to them as they are. But i don't know why my own people hurt me sometimes, they do know what kind of person i am, but then, they just try to give me pain by being rude to me.
• Bahamas
7 Sep 10
Hi ggeeta. i,m sorry to hear that you are going through this pain. sometimes people are so obsorbed with their own feelings that they forget the feelings of others.But i always say that i,m not going to allow the rude behavior of others to dictate my happiness. i believe that it,s up to us how much power we give to those around us. Remember that although God allows bad things to happen to us he,s by no means happy, he does not keep quiet but instead gives us the ability to cope and move on. you just need to understand that we live in a imperfect world filled with imperfect people. Please safegaurd your heart. I wish you all the best.
@ggeeta (155)
• India
8 Sep 10
thanks for your response dragonfly, it just brings lots of solace to my heart, I was feeling a lot of pain as i was hurt just because of someone who is trying to lure my happiness. as you said, why should i take it to heart and give myself pain? why can't i just have a don't care kind of attitude. but then, sometimes when it crosses limits, tears just roll on..
@busybee10 (3194)
• India
7 Sep 10
We are living in a world of confusion. Days have become so bad that we cannot judge a good and a bad person these days. Gone is the proverb of "Face is the index of mind". It has become a very easy task of some special persons just to hurt and give trouble.May be they enjoy or wantedly they do this,which is also very difficult to analyze.
@ggeeta (155)
• India
8 Sep 10
what ever you said is true busybee. People just tend to hurt others without any reason. they don't even understand or know why they have to hurt others? i was so sad yesterday due to which i raised this discussion. thanks for your response.
@kukueye (1761)
• Malaysia
8 Sep 10
This people are cruel and have own bitterness in them properly they themselves are victim to cruel abuse in their younger life and now want other to suffer the same fate.So are proud and maybe too rich and love to look down at people.Majority of this people have inner pain and no peace.Their bitterness sweep out and affect other people beside them.
@megamatt (14339)
• United States
8 Sep 10
I think a lot of people that hurt others are victims themselves. Life has many ugly cycles, but this is just one of the most ugly cycles in life, all things considered. People get hurt and they get frustrated. A fair few of them vow never to be like that, but they become twisted and bitter. Thus they see the world in the wrong way. They see since they got hurt, it should be okay to hurt other people. Is this for the right reasons? Of course not. Still this reason is becoming all too common. I wish it was not the case. I really wish that it was not the case, but life is just like this a lot of the time. Often times, its not for any reason at all, just a lot of people are mean spirited and twisted. The pain that humanity causes to each other in general continues and life is horrific in this way.
• Philippines
8 Sep 10
I certainly I understand your feelings ggeeta. We always have the right to be angry but we have no right at all to be cruel.. :) If someone hurt you, instead of planning to take revenge, why dont you try to understand the person hurting you or try to analyze the situation. There are a lot of reasons behind. Maybe you did also wrong or maybe the person is really having an attitude problem. People ussually commit mistakes when they are in the peak of their anger or when they are emotionally unstable.. The behavior of the person is also reflected with the environment he or she lived with. So instead of crying over spilt milk because of what he did, just try to ignore that person.. and always pray to God.. but the best medicine to lessen the pain is to let it out.. When you can already handle the situation, confront the person and settle the issue.. Hope you'll be fine... :)
@rautrahul (267)
• India
8 Sep 10
People are not intentionally hearting other. There are some reasons the people hurt others or the situation is responsible that we feel that the people hurts other. Sometimes incidently people are hurt by others. I will never like to hurt the others & give them pain.
8 Sep 10
Hurting people hurt. It's like domino effect. More often than not, it is at their sub-conscious mind to also hurt others thus having a release of their own pain. Of course what they are having through doesn't justify their behavior, only that it's another way of consoling ourselves and understand that they themselves are also hurting in one way or another. Let's talk about you being hurt. Since you are also asking God why it happened to you, have you thought about the possibility that God might be dealing with you and that he wants you to increase your patience and tolerance to the unfair treatment of other persons? And that He might as well teaching you to give the matter to Him and change your attitude towards the injustice thus make you a better person that he wants you to be? Think about it, cos I myself have been through a lot of pain caused by others.However, in my prayers, I would always ask God to hunmble me and create in me the heart that He wants me to have. In time, I've soon realized that He himself worked things out for my good plus a change in my attitude.^^,
• China
8 Sep 10
Dear firend,this is really a tough situation when we are hurt by people who are close to us.I also have such experience when people that I care about say mean words and makes me really sad.However,we have to realize that sometimes there may be misunderstanding between people who hurt us and ourselves.I don't think that getting angry and heart-broken can work things out.Sometimes we need a talk with those who hurt us and communication is better than alienation.If we are really sincere,we may find that others are not meant to hurt us.It is probably that some people can't control their temper well and say things that hurt us,which they think is not a big deal in their own ways.As far as I am concerned,we should not grow complaint and resentment when we come across these things.Anyway,whether to live a happy life depends on oursleves.Hope that my advice can give you some help.
• Philippines
8 Sep 10
it's our human nature already that to be hurt and to get hurt co'z I think people do all ways to make himself/herself to be happy regardless they can hurt anybody else sometimes people are selfish just to think the best for their self not to think the effects of this to others.
• Bulgaria
7 Sep 10
Sometimes they hurt to prove a point,sometimes people hurt without wanting to,because they forgot where the boarders were,and sometimes people hurt,because at times they're pure evil,some people snap and got nothing good in them anymore :)