How do I let him go?

United States
September 16, 2010 12:33pm CST
This is kind of backwards... he is the one that is completely in love with me and would do anything to keep me. We were together for 4 years and then broke up for 4 months and tried getting back together again. But I changed so much. Instead of still being madly in love with him... I just wasn't anymore. I still deeply care about him and I'm very attracted to him still.. and we still seem to have that magnetic pull... I don't see myself happy with him? I feel this strong need to move on and let him go. But then when it comes down to actually doing it I can't?? He has respected not texting/calling/IMing me... but I can't seem to do the same? I think its because moving on would not be as easy as clinging to him. Because.. like last night I'm going through this ordeal and he came over to comfort me.. and he held me while I cried and then we slept together. While, as always, it was a really beautiful experience.. deep down I know that I don't love him the same way. So while to him it was perfect and gives him hope.. for me afterwards I started to feel confined and trapped. I don't want to use him.. and I don't want to keep hurting him. Its not fair that he has to be caught up into my insecurities of moving on?? And I mean, he was my life for 4 years. Before we broke up my entirelife revolved around him.. then I found myself and my confidence and started a life of my own.. and couldn't go back to that same feeling. But then I wonder if maybe I would be makinga mistake by moving on? That because we still have that magnetic pull.. making love is beautiful.. and I enjoy being around him.. maybe I am not seeing whats in front of me??... But no matter what I know that I cant see myself wit him right now. And it frustrates me because I wish I could? How do I let him go?? I can't seem to go more then 3 days without contacting him in some way...
2 responses
@foofermen (503)
11 Oct 10
If you really care about him, let him go. I can tell by how you explain yourself here that that relationship is over. The sooner his heart is broken the sooner he can begin mending it. Don't procrastinate because it is hard. As to how to go about the actual break up, just do it matter-of-factly. Just tell him in short, to the point sentences how you feel and why you want to break up. Do not spend much, if any time sympathizing with him. "I am sorry I never meant, to hurt you." Will only make it hurt worse for him. Try something more like, "I simply don't see us going anywhere. I feel more like good friends than boyfriend/ girlfriend, and I would like to remain friends. The sooner we finish this, the sooner we can move on and continue developing our lives." Stuff like that. That is my advice, I hope it helps. Break ups suck and there is no way around that so the only thing you can do is try to make the most out of a platonic relationship.
• Portugal
16 Sep 10
i understand you :) when i left my ex bcs i was always caring more than him and i stopped love him i was like to where went all love i had for him? i was totally crazy about him. i even got sick bcs of him. but bcs he was careless to me i stopped love him. maybe thats what happened to you while you were away from him that time. maybe your love started to decrease :) thats why now you cant accept how your big love disappeared just like that. sure you still care and worry with him bcs you know how he loves you^^ thats why you are so confused. also you dont have other guy that gives you much attention like him so is normal that when you are sad you want to be near him but that doesnt mean you still love him :) i just think you care for him yes but love you dont feel anymore. you should talk with him and tell him how you feel. be friends with him still :) but dont sleep with him again or he will have big expectations and that way you cant move on like you want^^ wish my advises helped you ^^ if need something just message me :)