When your spouse has their Ex boyfriend/girlfriend on Facebook. Is it wrong?

United States
September 16, 2010 4:44pm CST
Recently my husband had left his facebook unattended and while yes I was wrong for looking, I looked. Turns out he had been messaging back and forth with an ex girlfriend. I normally wouldn't have minded but this was someone he cared deeply about in the past and I know this about her. I am just wondering if there is a way to get over it and not think about it. It's crazy, but I find myself constantly looking on his wall to see if she posted anything or if she comments on anything he does. I know my husband is madly in love with me and would cut off all contact with her if he knew it bothered me but I dont' know that I want him to do that. It's not fair to have him break all communication with someone from his past because I wouldn't want him telling me I had to do the same. I just wonder if it's something that anyone else has experienced or if i'm just delusional.
1 person likes this
12 responses
@jet2r0cks (193)
• Philippines
17 Sep 10
I experienced something similar, but it was with my boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend. It used to drive me crazy whenever he talked about her, especially when he tells me about it but I realized that him telling me is his way of letting me know that there is nothing to worry about. I think that you should wait for your husband to tell you about it. If he isn't doing anything wrong he would tell you, right? So if he doesn't say anything about it soon, maybe you should confront him about it, but do it calmly. You don't wanna seem like you're accusing him of doing something wrong, especially since reading his private messages isn't right either.
@iowachap (100)
• United States
17 Sep 10
I have a few of my Ex past G/F on my facebook page, and if my wife had an Ex B/F on hers that would not bother me, trust is key. When we stop trusting one another that is when we let our wandering mind begin to put negative thoughts in our head. Think about Star Wars and the Jedi ways, "dark path fear leads you to yes.." and if you begin to not trust, you start to fear what your husband might be doing behind your back. Don't let those dark path thoughts cloud your vision or the dark side you will turn. :) I love and trust my wife, and I know she loves and trusts me. Trust is the #1 thing a couple has to have in order to have sustaining and everlasting love, without trust there can be no love or friendship. Think about any relationship, friend, family etc when has any of them been good when trust was broken. So do not let the fact that he is talking to them let you wonder if he is doing something he should not be doing. Think positive thoughts. How it is nice that you can allow him to do that without being jelous or thinking he is not being trustful. Be trusting, think positive..
@Cutie18f (9565)
• Philippines
17 Sep 10
I'd probably feel jealous if I were in your shoes. That's hard but their contact might fan old flames, lol. No, I am not suggesting that you ask him to break his connection with her, but there must be a better way of minimizing their closeness coz we just don't know. You know, just to be sure.
@libramie (563)
• Philippines
17 Sep 10
No, its not. As long as you open in everything and no secrecy made. So don't give him a chance of making secrets by entrusting him, instead try to open all his lines through friendly communication all the time without hesitation so that your relationship runs smoothly and grow deeper.
@msupert1 (44)
• United States
17 Sep 10
I am sorta on the other side. I had my first love contact me on facebook. He actually emaile me so it does not show up on my wall. We caught up on what was happening now and he wanted to meet up sometime. I said NO..I am married now and I dont want to take the chance that meeting up with you could hurt my relationship even though it would be total platonic. We still talk online but it is on each others wall. Not to make you worrie this probably is not the case, but there are ways for them to communicate with out everyone on FB knowing. FYI. I personally would ask him about it. He might get upset that you ask but I am sure he would get even more upset if he caught you snooping.
• Philippines
17 Sep 10
I think there's nothing wrong with this. Trust is the key. The other people may be your partner's ex but in the end he/she ended up married to you so that shows who he/she finds more important. Not all relationships end bitterly so it's possible that your partner and his/her ex's really get along or maybe they were friends even before they became a couple. It would be unfair to ask your partner to stop communicating with them since you may have no idea of how deep a friendship they really have. friendship and nothing more. Well at least that's what I think.
@chona0912 (104)
17 Sep 10
hi , i don't know if its wrong but i think it would be very dangerous if you let him continue what he is doing. The next time he chats with his ex you sit beside him and let him know that you are uneasy with what he is doing.
• Philippines
17 Sep 10
No it's not wrong. Just make sure her posts on his wall are not malicious enough to not let you get paranoid about them. Also, make a sweet revenge, i mean, post something on his wall too, like sending him how you love him so much or sending him links in Youtube with your love theme song on it. :)
@chiyosan (29392)
• Philippines
17 Sep 10
I think it is not an issue for some, especially when you know that your husband's ex is just a friend and no other relationship more than friendship is possible anymore. But, well for me i have my ex boyfriend as a friend and he has her girlfriend in the same account where we are friends. i think this should not be an issue though because if you are not in any relationship with your ex anymore and you are faithful to your partner, then it should be fine.
@Valenas (1510)
• United States
17 Sep 10
From what you have described, it sounds like you have a great marriage and that there is no reason to be concerned. I would recommend giving your husband the benefit of the doubt here, as well as getting out of the habit going through his conversations when he is not at the computer. If he is just having innocent conversation with his ex-girlfriend, he is going to feel that you do not trust him if he finds that you have been snooping and that could cause a disastrous series of problems and arguments.
@dodo19 (23839)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
16 Sep 10
My husband and I have some of our exs as friends on facebook. We both know about it and it doesn't really bother either one of us. I can understand that some might have a problem with this, but we don't have an issue with it.
@jenny1015 (13396)
• Philippines
16 Sep 10
well, actually, it is really hard not to think of it in a negative way. but to have a peace of mind, why not ask your husband about it? or tell him that you have accidentally saw that he is in constant contact with his ex and tell him that it is bothering you. that way, you can be enlightened. Cheer up!!!