How can I live together with my roommate

China
September 20, 2010 9:49pm CST
I have a problem to get along with my roommate. She is my colleague and we rent an apartment together for one year. At the begining ,we do houswork and buy and cook foods together,but she often blame me on my scarce skills on housework. Thereby I try my best to learn. But it was about 3 months ago, she do houesworks infrequently. She don't clean the hearth and floor after cooking no matter how dirty it is. In addition,she don't buy any foods at all while I often have some meat,rice,vegetable,eggs, ect for storage. Every morning,I cook our breakfast before she get up and she often have breakfast with me without cleaning the dishware after.Every afternoon after I have finished cooking supper,she come home and have supper with me,and she don't do any housework after dinner too.This is lasting for about 3 months, sometimes I was bother with that.How should I do ?or if I am so stingy? I need your suggestion or comment.please help me!
15 responses
• United States
22 Sep 10
The only advice I can give you is to have patience. As someone else already said, the base problem may be in having a roommate in the first place. But I had to do it when I was in college, and a lot of people do too. Honestly, I would not put up with any of that. I would try talking to her about it, but after that I would start saving up money so that if she never starts contributing to the household, you could take that money and be able to pay bills until you find a better, more reasonable housemate.
• China
25 Sep 10
Thanks for all of your advises. But I think it's not easy to talk with her .She is more self-centered I think,she like tax with other's although she will do the same as the others.She always think that she have the right ideology while the others doing the same ,they are wrong. She don't often buying foods and cooking for the reason that she don't often have appetite to eat,so if I have cooked the meal she will have dinner with me ,contrarily,she would not eat or maby she will have fastfood from what I have store in refrigerator. She is addict to play games,she often haveing dinner and playing games at the same time in her bedroom, so after I have finished eating,she is still playing games the whole night long and leaving the kitchen in disorder. So I have to clean up the kitchen before I go to bed while she is still playing games. I'm so sorry to complaint a lot.I think the best way is to avoid contact too much,I decide to have supper in our eatery instead of cooking at home although cooking at home is more healthy. And I will buy a new home next year. Thanks !
@themdno (403)
• United States
21 Sep 10
I think that is the problem with having roommates. That is exactly why I live alone. I think the best thing to do is put up with it until you can get out, or ask her to leave. I think if you try to get her to change, your only going to come off as selfish, and sound like a jerk. I think no matter how nice you be about it, you'll still seem like the parent telling their kid to clean up their room, when they don't want to. I think it's best to just get out of the situation. I should add that I've been through this with close friends of mine, and I still remained friends with them, but just had to get away from them. Once we were apart, we could get back to being friends again.
• China
21 Sep 10
Thank you for you advise
• India
21 Sep 10
Its a common problem between to room mates.. It always happen... so the only thing that can be done is... just have a soft talk with your room mates and realise her about his ignorance towards the household work... if u gonna fight with her then no solution will come out of it... so just talk politly with her n tell her that we will do the work together... like if she cooks then u will wash.. n like that... Hope for the best....
@kquiming (2999)
• Philippines
21 Sep 10
tell her the truth, tell her how you feel, and ask for an explanation why she does what she does....if she doesn't change , you may be better off with a new roommate or live in a new house with a new roommate or if you can afford, get a room or place of your own......
• United States
21 Sep 10
Your always going to run into problems when you have a room mate. I have some of the same problems with mine. Somethings you have to let go of, but some things you should find a way to nicely mention to her. after cooking and eating you should nicely ask if she could help you clean up the kitchen.
@rogue21 (37)
• Philippines
21 Sep 10
Woah! Talk about irresponsible! You know what? I suggest that you have a long talk with this roommate of yours. Ask her what her problem is, tell her how you feel with this attitude of hers. If she's still not doing anything, tell her that you should go your separate ways.
• Indonesia
21 Sep 10
i think this should be talk,because you roommate can be really" unreasonable,,and you should be mad if you roommate mad too..because your roomate just care in beginning and i think you should make a promise..
@jeb083079 (840)
• Philippines
21 Sep 10
the only thing you need to do is to be frank with her... tell her why she's not doing her part... or you can just leave her and find another place to stay... it's really up to you because it's for almost three months already or there's something bothering you? that's why you can't tell her...
@jlamela (4909)
• Philippines
21 Sep 10
I can relate with your situation because I've gone through with it too, a year ago I shared a room too with a friend and I often ended up fretting her attitude of not cleaning the room. I did all the scrubbing and the sweeping of the room, then I realized there's nothing I can do about it anymore, that is to change her attitude, so what I did, I requested our landlady that if ever there's a vacant room for single occupants I will make a transfer. Months later, I moved out from our room but I never harbor any bad feelings about her, we are still very good friends. Now I am at peace and relax in my single room. So try to look for a single room where you can occupy. It is very difficult to share a room even with a friend because of different background. Try to separate also in sharing expenses, if possible avoid joining budget when it comes to food, there's always a big chance of having a conflict. So to save your friendship try to transfer to a single room and be on your own in cooking your food.
@aarpees (149)
21 Sep 10
Open communication. tell her what you feel. Be honest, taking grudges won't do good. Talk to her when there is still time to save the friendship.:)
• Philippines
21 Sep 10
I think, it's time for you to find another apartment. Your roommate is too dependent, lazy rather.So it's time to both of you to be in separate apartment.We should learn how to be independent. That's very necessary in our life.
@tkonlinevn (5784)
• Vietnam
21 Sep 10
I met this problem before when I was a student. First, I was very sad. But after that, I began to tell my roommate. We talk about every things in our mind together. Then we have a notebook in order to write the things we must buy or to do for our living. At the end of the month, we device money for each person. We were fun and the problem were solved. You can reference this situation :)
@eden_shii (508)
• Australia
21 Sep 10
rainaleaf, have you tried talking to her? I think one of the best things to do is to talk to this person. You two should sit back, relax and have a good conversation. Perhaps, tell her what you think and what you feel. Also, listen to what she says. Maybe she has her own reason. It will be best that you two should try to talk and come into and agreement. But I also suggest that you will be patient and tactful enough in whatever you are going to say. Maybe you can prepare what you will say to her. If the two of you will not agree on anything after a certain conversation, I think while you still have some respect left for her, you should go or let her go somewhere else (whichever is easier).
@babyanna (1217)
• China
21 Sep 10
Hi,rainaleaf! It's always a tough thing to get alone with your roomies.You have different hobbies,different habits,different tastes. The best choice,I think,is to talk to your friend.Tell her what's on your mind.Don't blame her,though.Just ask her about how she was doing during these three months and if she has any problems.Make a suggestion and tell her that you know you're not good at housework,but you're really trying to make her satisfied.Tell her that you're sorry.And ask her to help you.A heart-to-heart talk usually works.But if she still keep doing that,show your gestures.You're not a maid and she should share the housework with you. Compromise is essential,but if she is way out of the line,don't comprise any more. Hope the issue will be handled rightly. Have a good night!
@bokal2703 (802)
• Philippines
21 Sep 10
There should be division of labor in your apartment. Try to talk to her about it and make a schedule on who will clean the house or cook or wash the dishes at a certain time for the whole week. Plus you should also share the expenses and groceries. You are both working and you are not obliged to feed her for free. She is not your obligation and she should be responsible for her food and the cleanliness too. If she refused to do it, then maybe its time to look for another apartment if you can't kick her out of the house. Just tell her some reasons as to why you want to move out. A house should be the place where you will recharge your energy after a day's work, it will be too stressful to be living with someone like her.