September 23, 2010 8:41am CST
I am 28 years old now and I am living in a developing country with a lot of lifelong traditions and customs. I got married nearly a year ago. The marriage has changed my life a lot. I see that the differences of love before marriage and after it. Before my marriage, I am very carefree and love my life very much. But after the marriage, I feel tired, sometimes bored with my husband. I feel very difficult to get on well with my husband. The differences between us in our attitudes, habits make me and him get tired of. Sometimes, I think I and he are too selfish and only care for ourselves but it is not true. People who know me say that I am not selfish person. I try to change my marriage life but l just don't know what to do to escape this situation. I even have difficulties in confiding with my husband.Many our talks turned to quarrels. Please help me.
• United States
23 Sep 10
Why did your life change when you got married? How long were you together before you got married? Did you only move in together after you got married? Why are you bored with him now? Why are you not able to enjoy your life the way you did before? Marriage shouldn't change anything about you or your relationship. Moving in with another person can be extremely vexing, though. Learning to live with and deal with each others living habits can drive you insane. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a little selfish. A relationship is about give AND take. Of course you want to make sure your spouse is happy, but you cannot sacrifice your own happiness and well-being to do so. Sit down and have and honest discussion with one another. Tell each other what is bothering you and come up with realistic compromises that work for the both of you. Above all, do NOT become complacent just because you're married. Too many people start to take their relationship for granted and stop trying because they believe the relationship is set in stone now that you're married. This is not the case. Relationships have to be worked and built upon every single day, no matter what.
• Hong Kong
23 Sep 10
Thanks for your idea. I think the most problem between us is that the differences in our ways of living, our habits, behaviors, even our talks. We care for different fields, and each of us try to change other life, gradually it becomes the battle of ego . I always feel that I can not do everything as the way I want. I read on some newspapers which tells me that some early years of marriage is often difficult for both to get on well with each others.I hope so. Would I ask you a question? Are you married? If you are married, I'm sure your marriage must be happy. Best wishes.
• United States
24 Sep 10
Sit down and talk to him. There is no reason you should be fighting over your individual fields. Even though you're married, you are still two individual people with different minds and different interests. You don't have to like everything the other does. It's a good thing to have individual time to pursue your different endeavors. The only thing you can offer and expect is respect for your interests. Yes, I am married. We've been together 7 years, living together over 5 years, married over 2 years. The first year or two of living together is always the hardest. Getting used to one another's annoying habits is hard, but if you're open and talk about what's bothering you, it shouldn't get to be unbearable.