She's not a toddler anymore..

Philippines
September 28, 2010 12:29pm CST
I can't explain what I am feeling for my eldest daughter. I'm afraid she's drifting away from me. She's not a little girl or a toddler anymore who needs me everytime. She's no longer a little girl who obeys my command, she's a big girl now. She doesn't want me to call her nickname which we are fond of calling her. She changed her password in her facebook account. I know her friends, that's the best of all and I have all their numbers but she doesn't want me to keep on checking her always. I hope we can be best friends like we were before. Have you felt the same way like I do? How can parents become their children's best friend?
2 people like this
9 responses
@carmelanirel (21108)
• United States
28 Sep 10
You can be your child's friend, but as for best friend, I am afraid you are expecting something that is not really achievable..I mean, as a child grows, they'll want friends their own age, didn't you when you were a kid? Also, though we can be their friends, remember to never go to their level, because you are in charge and once they think that line has been crossed, they will take advantage of it.. This is from someone who has raised 3 kids and has an 8 year old who is becoming more and more independent..And that is what he should do, he still relies on me, but he has his own friends his own age that he can talk to and have fun with..
• Philippines
30 Sep 10
Thanks, carmelanirel. I know that there are secrets that young adults are more comfortable to discuss with friends rather than their parents. But as her mother, I want her to know that I can also be trusted of her secrets. And although we can be friends to our children, the respect for us as their parents should always be there. By the way, my daughter is 13 years old.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Sep 10
Yeah, 13 is an age where they probably already have kept some stuff from you..But don't feel bad, it a part of her growing up and I am sure that if she has a serious problem, she'll come to you, and that is what is important, that she doesn't go to another kid for something she needs to talk to an adult about....
• United States
28 Sep 10
This is a tough one Kristeena. I have 3 daugheters, ages 6, 10 and 15. I see how things are starting to go with our eldest between my wife and her. They are together most of the days since my wife teaches at the school my daughter attends. They are still very close but my daughter is becoming more of her own person. I think that just comes along with the territory. I don't think that means they aren't as close as they once were, just that she is developing her own personality and just needs more time to do her own thing. Just my take. Best of luck.
• Philippines
30 Sep 10
Thanks, ThirdMillion..I understand that she's going through her adolescent period. I am confident that her circle of friends are okay and are doing good.
@oldchem1 (8145)
28 Sep 10
You don't say how old your daughter is but I'm guessing from personal experience early teens! I'm afraid that we just have to let them grow up, much as it hurts, and you think back to your teens - would you have wanted your mum checking up with your friends on you - I know that I wouldn't!! Sadly we're not our children's 'friends' we are their parents and we have to learn to keep an eye on them but not in too intrusive a way. Children don't want us 'oldies' interfering in their space,
• Philippines
30 Sep 10
My eldest daughter is already thirteen years old and she's now on her 2nd year in High school. Maybe I am expecting too much from a daughter-mother relationship that we have. I trust her and I would like her to trust me, too.
@EdnaReyes (2628)
• Philippines
1 Oct 10
You must be a friend first and win your daughter's trust. Make her feel you're there for her and will always be on her side. Don't nag at her but patiently explain everything to her, your views and reasons. All teenagers pass this phase of life where they seem to be difficult and different. Understanding them and giving them space would be likely appreciated.
• China
29 Sep 10
you should understand that when one is old enough. they need their own life and own place for his or her own secret. so don't worry and don't feel so sorry for this. nothing for this, just understand what is the real life. then you could understand your sister better . hope you could have a better relathionship for this.
• China
29 Sep 10
You should give her more time and not try to know her secret.
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
29 Sep 10
I also have a daughter Kristeena and she is just 4 mos old. Somewhat I can relate with your siutation though i dont have a big girl yet. I guess that's a part of being a parent, we should accept the fact that our children are grwoing up and they are not staying toddler who always needs us for the rest of our lives. But some mom are still close with there girls even if they are old enough. I guess your daughter justw ant space and she felt that she is not a baby anymore.
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
28 Sep 10
You cannot. You are her parent, not her best friend. You can keep an eye on her so she does not attract dangerous people on Facebook, you can warn her about the predators who go after young girls, and she is going to be a young lady. That is the most that you can do.
@cher913 (25895)
• Canada
28 Sep 10
i dont think parents should become their children's best friend simply because parents are here to discipline and guide their kids and best friends dont necessarily do that.