It's hard to say I'm sorry...

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For me, my first love was strange and too sublime to be spotted. There is one story, my experience, because I think I have to keep that love so I do not dare to sully the way my boyfriend refuses to kiss me, because they still do not feel worthy because it is still too young. So I wish to keep it until I was grown up, but instead the fact told the opposite, maybe because my girlfriend thought I did not love it when there is a chance to get another woman, she finally let me go. Although actually hurt, but I showed to him that I was as though any rigid and not affected by the decision he let me go. Although actually, until even now I still always expect him to and still feel pounding when there is a chance to meet him, how was this? What should I do...??