Im I too bad of a sister?

Philippines
October 25, 2010 7:53am CST
I grew up understanding that my father isn't staying with us in our house. He has his own family, a legal family. It hurts to say this but my mom is just a mistress and we're just the second family. Even for our situation, I never judged my father. My father isn't rich but he always tried to do whatever is takes to just support us financially and emotionally. My father is getting old and not always with us to look us after, so I'm obligated to look after and to support my mom and brother. And because I don't want my brother to be left behind with his friend,I'm always trying to give him whatever he wants. I thought I did a good job as a sister, but I failed. I sent him to the school where he wanted hoping that he would focused on his studies but still has a failing grades. Now I found out he had a pierce on his tongue and already drinking alcohol. I kept telling him to stay away with the group of friends he got because they are bad influence but still escaping the house to be with them. I often think, am I that bad of a sister to him? All I want is for him to have a good life and not to experience the life that I had before. I don't know what to do with him anymore.
6 responses
• Philippines
26 Oct 10
no you're not a bad sister....i guess the problem is with your brother but you should not have given him everything he wants...cause the things we want aren't always the things we need,,there should have been limits....your brother reminds me with my uncle...he was an intelligent boy but my grandma gave him all he wanted so maybe that's why he became spoiled and independent
• Philippines
26 Oct 10
correction* spoiled and dependent
@mhypie03 (684)
• Philippines
26 Oct 10
I commend you for taking on the burden responsibly. Your brother is very blessed to have you. But sometimes it takes more than the material things that you give to help them appreciate it and understand all important matters. Ask him to have a sit with you, I guess pouring out your heart to him with all sincerity can help alleviate whatever negative feelings he has towards your faamily's current situation. You did nothing wrong, but you can do more out of love to make things better and it's all about proper communication. =)
@beeh13u (1040)
• Philippines
26 Oct 10
Your brother is being a teenager and he lacks a father image. According to Erik Erikson, at that age they get confuse with their role. Don't be hard on yourself. Your brother is just exploring and figuring out the world around him. If something happens to him or he is doing something bad, you need to tell your dad because I think he can help your brother understand. I remember when I was a teenager, I don't do things my parents tell me. I just want to make mistakes so that I can learn firsthand and grow.
• Philippines
25 Oct 10
Don't blame yourself if your brother is in a wrong path. You cannot manipulate your brother 's life. But don't give up on your brother. Always be there when he needs you. When you always nag him about his wrong doings he will hate you. But always give him an advise that his circle of friends are bad influence. Try to make him realize that he don't need to be a rebellious and stubborn because of the problem his carrying. I think it's because of your family situation. But he don't be like that. All you have to do is to make him realize that he is in a wrong path and circle of friends.
• Philippines
25 Oct 10
I don't think you're a bad sister just because your brother turned out that way. We can only do so much in disciplining our younger siblings. Remember that taking care of him is not your sole responsibility, there are your parents to do that also. And even if we devote all our time to look after the well being of our loved ones, we have to realize that we all have our own lives. Your brother is old enough to be responsible for his own actions and you should blame your self too much. Just hope he'll grow out of it.
• United States
25 Oct 10
You can't hold his hand n everything he does. he is fighting with himself and there is very little you can do. Take time to just be there when he comes to you for help. it is rather sad to be the other family and that could be the root of his problems. But life goes on and you will need to go on with yours.