Could suicide end it all?

It is not the best option. It should never be considered as an option. Sure you have done some things that is wreaking a havoc, but, there are things that can be done. Ask someone else's help. Pray for guidance. It might be a far shot, if you are not a believer, but, just a little bit of faith will go a long way. I cannot say I know the pain you're going through, but, I do know, that the fact that you're still there, trying to ask for help means that there's still hope. A lot of people may be judgmental, but, not all people are. And a lot are willing to help. You say that guilt could drive you crazy. The first thing then to do is to forgive your self. Whatever it is that you had done, though you cannot change the past, you could still learn to forgive your self and others. Just hang on there, kid. Sleep well, and tomorrow, you might just wake up to a brand new day. There are lots of beautiful things about life you still have to see. I sincerely pray for strength and peace of mind for you.