How to say no to a friend

@setsuna26 (2410)
Philippines
November 11, 2010 2:01pm CST
Its always a problem of mine how to say no to a friend in need. May it be financial or when it comes to helping them out do some stuff i always have this problem of saying no to them...Most of the time i even end up having to worry even more than them because i force myself to help them out... I wonder if im the only one whose experiencing this stuff / and what should i do or how should i say no to someone like a friend whose in need of help . Is there a nice way to say i cant or no to them without them getting hurt or mad at you? hoping to them response and hope you guys can help me out with this one...
10 responses
@nangisha (3504)
• Indonesia
12 Nov 10
Hi setsuna!. Its long not hear from you, where have you been?. I think you need to see the urgency of that matters if you think he can do it by himself or he can still survive with that money you don't have obligation to always say yes. Friendship should be make all of us happy not to burden of others. One others think you need to consider when you in the same situation with them will they sacrifice as much as you did. We all had our responsibilities in our life and plan with our money, its not our job to baby siting our friend there is time we all has to stand on our feet and its will made us stronger.
1 person likes this
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
17 Nov 10
Hello nangisha! yeah its been a while ive been really busy trying to work things out on my modelling career that i forgotten about this great community of mine called my lot friends :) but anyways im here again so that means alot of cool discussion for all of us. Yeah i think we should really consider the true meaning of friendship and that is to make people happy in alot of ways and if we are not in the position to help anybody out then i think we just need to face the fact that we cant.We should first tend to our individual responsibilities before alloting ourselves to help others no matter how dear they are to us. Thanks for the wonderful thought and have a great day my friend :)
@nangisha (3504)
• Indonesia
18 Nov 10
Gez Modeling career , I think its will great if you really serious about it. I hear its a hard world and full of competition. You have to be unique and have good manners to survive. Its good to hear from you again .
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
18 Nov 10
Im trying to be as serious as i can my friend but sometimes i tend to be so much busy too like i just cant give all my time for the business sometimes i want to go out with my friends too and spend sometime with my pc as well lol . But since life nowadays is pretty much hard and im not that rich at all i need to make a living too thats why i choose the career that suits me the most. Thanks for giving me some of your time again and glad that you still remember me as well. :)
• China
18 Nov 10
I think you are not the only one who have been facing such problem. I always try to convince myself not to do so when it is out of my ability, But when I say no to my friend, There is a weird feeling that bring me down.
1 person likes this
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
18 Nov 10
Yeah its a really tough situation where in you really want to help but your not sure if you can. Or if you can its pretty much certain that you will have a hard time dealing with it yourself too.I often give in and say yes to my friends thats why sometimes i end up having the same problems too. But this time im trying hard to say no to some of them no matter what to save me the trouble of having to look for help myself. Its good to help other people but it wont be good anymore if you push yourself too much that ive learned my friend im glad that you shared your thoughts about this too made me feel lighther thank you for your time and effort hope to hear more from you pretty soon
• Philippines
12 Nov 10
I think being a true friend really have to understand and accept rejection.Saying no to a friend is just okay.You have to talk to her or him in a private place where the two of you can talk seriously.Saying sorry is effective,let him or her feel that you are really eager to help him or her but you cant give it or cant help in present time.Being frank is good but don't be a narrator.You must tell him or her in a good manner.
1 person likes this
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
17 Nov 10
Hello crimiloilo ! yeah i think it is indeed best to be frank about it. I mean if you just cant help for the particular situation then just say so, even if it will hurt them temporary that doesnt mean there wont be any other chance for you to help that friend. I read a book before saying its a no no for us to say sorry i cant when friends are asking for help that we cant help in return. If someone says sorry i cant its as if we admit we can do something for them but we refuse lol. But anyways no matter how we say it what matters is that we will get the point across them pretty clear no matter what will be their reaction that there are times that we just cant help them out no matter what we do :) Thank you for sharing your ideas and hope to see more of your ideas pretty soon my friend
• Philippines
12 Nov 10
I just had the same problem as you. Try to approach them in a good way. Try to start out by saying "there's something I need to tell you... " or something else, your choice how you say it. Then just tell 'em straight forward about your dilemma. Don't worry if they get mad, it would just be temporary. If they are you real friends, they would understand that you are not always there to help them out. Tell them that you also have some other things to do and you cant help them at the moment. Then say "sorry". That "getting mad" part? It's just temporary I tell you. Non-real friends get mad at you forever and leave. And one more thing, you just gotta choose your real friends carefully. peace. :)
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
17 Nov 10
Yeah i think thats what we can do when we are pinned in that kind of situation i mean its better to admit to them that we wont be able to help for now instead of saying yes and in the end you wont be able to help at all making it much worse for your part. You will be even labelled as a person without a word. It may be a lil bit painful for them but if theres no other way its better to have it that way instead :) Thank you for sharing your thoughts believe me this is one of the problems that im really having trouble facing i often try to push myself to the limits just to help someone this time i know if i just cant then i will have to say no for the sake of the both of us and our friendship too. Have a great day and see you again next time my friend
• Philippines
12 Nov 10
Just try, only one time to say no to a friend and it will lead you to much easier the next time. I was having a hard time saying no to a friend when i was in highschool but when i entered college I learned to say No to one friend/classmate because I was through to all of her alibis. She is a liar and I think that problem she had that time deserved to happen to her as a lesson. Since then, even if a friend is very dear to me, if the help i will offering can only lead them to bad, i say no of helping them. Well, it hurts every time I am doing it and of course I am expecting they will put a curse on me, however, i hope in the future they will realize that i still helped them in a hidden way.
1 person likes this
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
17 Nov 10
Thank you for answering my friend indeed its really hard to say no to people whom we called as friends but your right there are times that we really need to step up the gas and say no to them. Not really to hurt them in any way but just to give them a lesson or to teach them not to rely on us all the time. Im glad to know that lots of people are experiencing the same thing too i thought for a while its just me but now that you guys are telling me that your having the same problems before too im feeling better already. And i will also learn how to say no to my friends sooner or later so that in the end you are right we wont be hurting each other even badly. Thank you for the time answering and good day
@junil_jk (498)
• India
12 Nov 10
i have the same problem, mate! and the worst part is i can't even give or make excuses. whatever excuse i think of, they just seem stupid. i have this feeling everytime - what if i give them excuses and they come to know that i was lying? they won't trust me anymore...or stuffs like that. yeah, it's hard, man, and i know how u must be struggling with the same problem too.
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
17 Nov 10
Indeed sometimes there are problems that you dont want to be involved with. Like situations that might just get you in trouble as well. I believe the only way to deal with them is to try hard to explain that you wont be able to help them out. Now if they will be feeling bad about our decision of not helping them this time then i think thats out of our hand already. What matters is that we clear to them that we wont be able to help them for the particular event but that doesnt mean we cant help them some other time instead. They might get mad at us but hey thats life sometimes we make it sometimes we dont and we have our own worries to think about first before we try and reach out for others problems too. Thank you for sharing your thoughts my friend and have a great day hope to hear more of your work pretty soon
@sophia18 (107)
• China
12 Nov 10
Actually I have the same problem.I feel it my duty to try my best to help them, so I hardly ever say no to them.But sometimes it is out of my power to help them,I just explain to them why I can't help them, and they all understand.I think you can do it,too.
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
17 Nov 10
Yeah thats the problem for all of us. I mean its really hard to say no to a friend who needs help specially if you see that he or she honestly needs our help. But certain situation also comes where in we just cant do anything about it too so we just need to try and explain in a very nice way that even if we want to help them out we just cant for the time being.Now trying to explain the reason why to them might help too. Thank you for sharing your thoughts im really relieved to know that other people are having the same problems just like me too. Hope to hear more from you pretty soon my friend
@SonyynoS (73)
• Indonesia
12 Nov 10
My friends often need my help, but sometimes I confused to give them help, if they need somethink other of money, I often easyly to say "Yes, I can". but if money I will see my condition and his/her condition. 2 of my friends isn't thrusted, my money in them @ $150 more untill now. and now if can do I will say "Ok", but if can't will say it " I'm sorry I can, If I have more money I will help more to You, but I have solution, just go to www.*******.com, You can create money as you want there". But if that need is 2 of my friend I will say, sorry I can, you have enough money and my money still in You.
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
17 Nov 10
Me too! im always having problems of having too many friends asking for help at the same time.And its not that i dont want to help them out but there are times that we can just do so much for all of them. And i think its also important to teach them not to depend on us all the time too.And most of the time just like you the problem that they are encountering is about money problems and thats what makes things much more complicated. :) Thank you for sharing your idea and your experience as well right now i already know what to do and how to handle this kind of situation hope to hear more from you pretty soon too
@joysantos (132)
• Philippines
12 Nov 10
You tell him/her in a nice way and explain why you decline and said no.In that way, your friend will understand your part.
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
17 Nov 10
Hello joysantso yeah its really nice to just explain to them that you wont be able to help them out no matter how much you would want to .Its just that sometimes there are some of our friends who are pretty much hard to explain. I mean they will think that you really dont care about them etc etc. Thats what my problem is lol but im glad that now its pretty clear to me that letting these people know that there are times that i wont be able to help is a part of our lives and that they just have to accept me for what i am and for what kind of help i can provide for them too. Your right if they are real friends they will undestand :) thanks for sharing your thoughts and idea
• China
19 Mar 11
I think it's very easy to say no to friends. When you can't say sorry to your friends then i think the friend is not real or you can't share everything with your friends. Because after say no and explain the reason then you friend should understand it. So just go on, Good luck!