How do you feel when guests visit your kitchen, without any reason?

@Suggar (3612)
Bulgaria
November 17, 2010 5:08am CST
Hello friends, i got this situation - i hate other people, than me and my boyfriend, who live in our apartment, to visit my kitchen. It happens really often someone to come here and to go there, with no reason. Sometimes it's little messy, sometimes it's clean, but that doesn't matter for me. My kitchen is one of my private places in our home and i just don't think that people, who doesn't live here, have some work there. If someone need something i'll bring it to the living room, where all our guests sit usually and where we drink our coffee and meet our guests. My boyfriend thinks that it's a kind of hospitality if friends and family are allowed to go anywhere in our apartment. I don't think so. Even when my parents are here, i don't like it so much. This is my own place and i don't need help to prepare whatever it is, when we got someone else than us at home. When we moved in this apartment, my parents gave me nearly everything for the kitchen. They were here 2 days and i was learning how to cook, so my mom was welcome there. But until that happened, my parents were here two times for short hours and nobody of them was going in my kitchen. I made coffee by myself, bought some cookies, asked if they are hungry. I was educated of my mom that way, that when i am in the home of someone else, it's bit insolent and brazen I to feel like i'm in my own home. Even when i was in the homes of my best friends, i wasn't visiting other places than i was invited to sit and stay. When i am guest somewhere i'm going furtively and my first work is to ask "can i go there, to do something". If the host say - "wait me, i'll bring it to you", or "wait, i'll show you where the toilet is" that's brilliant because the host is the most important person in that home and i can't feel like boss there. I'm just curious, what do you think about that? My opinion is that every kind of relations has their borders.
9 responses
• United States
18 Nov 10
I think this depends on the individual person. OUr kitchen is open. You can't enter our house without going through the kitchen so if I didn't want someone in it, they wouldn't be in the house. To me a kitchen is homey and a comfort ZOne and I am more comfortable in my kitchen even talking to someone, I do it better in the kitchen. One time we were at my sister in laws and she made it very clear that NOONE was to be in her kitchen, honestly, I felt insulted! Truthfully we have never been back to there house, the fact that they live about 14 hours from us might have a little to do with it. So I guess it all depends on the person. Now I do NOT like anyone in my bedroom. That is my private domain. So as I said it is an individual preference. The same as do you like drop in company or only company by invite? I like drop in. Your always welcome, but I know some people that don't want anyone to visit unless they have been invited.
@Suggar (3612)
• Bulgaria
18 Nov 10
My kitchen is really small, only few electronics are there and even my boyfriend, who is tall and big guy, it's hard for him to feel good there, just it's really small. When someone else comes there, i'm getting nerve, when i cook as example. Because it's so small that i everything is one arm around me and i feel like the dish can be burned, if i'm late with doing something on it. But what i wanted to say is that guests are guests, for me it doesn't matter how close friends are they, family or what. I just don't like when they feel like bosses of my own home - to go wherever they want, to take whatever they need. This is why i am here, to help them and to serve if something is needed.
• United States
18 Nov 10
I have a friend with a tiny kitchen and you can barely turn around in it, my clothesclosets are bigger! My daughters is the same way, it is a hallway design and small but you have to walk through to get to the other side! I should look to see where you are from, here in Michigan I think we are a 'all ladies in the kitchen helping' men in the living room watching tv waiting to be served! But it is your home and you should do what you feel comfortable, but how people are raised has a lot to do with the way they look at your kitchen and wanting to help. We consider it rude to have someone waiting on us and not helping with the clean up after a meal. My #1 daughter is furious with her husbands family as they 'eat and run' and she has to prepare every thing then clean everything up afterwards. I remember once at my other daughters (#2) we had a dinner with his family and everyone put their plates in the sink....with food on...what a mess! They didn't even scrape them, just tossed the plates in the sink on top of each other and left! I started to help her clean it up and it was so disgusting I decided her boy friend could help her, it was his family that made the mess!!!!
@Suggar (3612)
• Bulgaria
18 Nov 10
Hello again Christmas, i'm from Bulgaria, eastern Europe. Here people are not so close anymore. Even if they are, are not so friendly. I've watched movies how in the USA when people got guests, after diner all the people are cleaning, washing the plates, it's so amazing. I really like it. People in my country survive every day with many problems - health, money and everything. And day by day they are getting more and more closed. But this is not the reason i don't want they to come in my kitchen, the reason is that i have nothing else here, only my boyfriend, my computer and our apartment and need some real privacy. I came to live with him far from my family and friends. I'm a strong person, but i live here from one year now. And we have so many problems every day, that i'm trying to save something for us. The one i save are some of my wishes. If i pay the rent of this apartment, i don't want people, who actually are not my friends, to come and to feel like bosses of my own apartment. For me it's not right.
@SimpleBB (1332)
• Philippines
18 Nov 10
For me, I used to tell my bestfriends that they are no longer treated as others, so they could feel free to wander the house. I'm referring "bestfriends" as those like siblings to me. We've been together with this bestfriends for more than 20 years. In thier houses, we treated as family as well. When we're at home, we slept in my room, just like the way we did when we're in their house. If I'm not feeling to do the cooking, I ask them if they can do it for me. But all these priveleges were only for those I refer "bestfriends", means for me more than sisters.
@Suggar (3612)
• Bulgaria
18 Nov 10
Hello Simple, i don't have that kind of friends here, because i live here from soon and we don't go out so much, because of our online earnings. So i'm not close with anyone. This is why i opened that discussion. 2 months ago, friends of my city came to see me. It was bad days - i was in a period and didn't feel good before they come. One day we had to go out my boyfriend to drive the car of his cousin, so we left home without cleaning. Then my friends, from my own city, called me that they will come soon. It was so messy at home, but i know the girl since we were little kids. We were playing all the time, our mothers were friends too, and still are friends. So even if everywhere was messy, i invited my friend to see all the apartment, showed her all the rooms and it was different. May be this friend will never come again, she is a good girl, but when we grow up, she married, now she has little boy and it's not easy. I left my city, but even before, when i lived there we are not so close last years. Never mind, it was nice for me to have my own guests and i felt so good when they were here. I just wanted to show all we got here. May be the key of everything is how you feel some people - as friends or just as people, who you know, but they are not so close to you. In my mother's home, i never invited guests. I had no time. But when there was someone at home, it was because i'm totally sure for that person, that he is 100% friend of mine, not just an insolent one, not a gossip friend, because i hate gossip people.
@fl0rencia (417)
• Philippines
18 Nov 10
I think when you got into another person's property without his/her permission, that's trespassing already. haha. But yeah I agree with you. It's called respect when you ask permissions first.
@Suggar (3612)
• Bulgaria
18 Nov 10
I strongly believe in this thing, called respect. And i'm keeping myself away from the insolence. Thanks for sharing your response.
• Philippines
18 Nov 10
Hi, that is definitely true. In my country, Philippines, we don't go anywhere else but the sofa of other people's place. It is also disrespectful to tour on some part of the house unless if I'm close with that person but we do respect greatly to whoever the authority of the house no matter how big or small it is. Not all kitchen's are clean and sometimes we try to hide it to others, so we won't get embarrassed. In your case though, it is already very weird that people go into your apartment. They aren't even known to you, that's the worst part. How can you possibly not get rid of those people? The term hospitality is more on allowing the person to stay at your house but not exactly feel at home.
@Suggar (3612)
• Bulgaria
18 Nov 10
Hello Danverx, thanks for sharing your response. For me it's the same way. For me hospitality is really that someone is in your home, whenever he is, because our guests call in the last minute and we never say them to not come. I serve them, always if i got what to put on the table, because i like them being in my home. For me this is the border.
• Canada
18 Nov 10
I totally disagre.. My kitchen is the one place where I LOVE to show it off. I LOVE to bake and cook for my friends and family, so when people come over it's almost expected that their kids run to my cookie jar to see what I made the night before with the expectation that they were arriving the Next day. I also Love my friends for helping themselves it makes hosting a large group easy. I usually have things set up in the fridge easy to pull out snacks and the like so they can help themselves or bring to the livingroom for everyone to share in. I have a 7 month old baby so I see it as more of a help to me when people want to help me with a bit of extra dishes or baking or even cooking, but really right now the best is the help yourselves who come over. Of course I love to entertain my friends and I am more traditional about it than most. the only private place in our home is our bathroom, otherwise the door would be open right?
@Suggar (3612)
• Bulgaria
18 Nov 10
That's totally true, what you say. But i answered up to a girl, sharing that i live in new city since year now and i got no friends here. People, who come in our apartment are the friends of my boyfriend a people from his family. We don't have friends with children, so we are all grown up and for me a normal habit, when you are in some other home is to ask first "can i ... " When we moved in our apartment, always he had guests here. I liked it really a lot, because my boyfriend has kidney problems and he is always in pain, so we can't go out so much. It was fun. Also he got good guys for friends and i have really nice relations with all of them. When i had someone for cooking, i was cooking for the guests, because usually they don't call before they come. Then one of his friends were helping me to serve the plates and it was nice. Now we mostly got coffee at home, we can't afford big expenses for food and we keep what we got. So if it's only coffee, for me it's not a problem to serve it. But just imagine how some of the people, who drink coffee stand up and go in my kitchen checking what is there ...
• United States
18 Nov 10
I agree with you about this. It's nice to have other people visit sometimes, but I don't like to have visitors wandering about all spaces of my house, or hanging around in the kitchen. Even family, sometimes can be a little bit annoying if I'm trying to do something like bake or cook dinner or prepare things. I'd rather converse in the living room or someplace communal like that. I also enjoy cooking/baking by myself so I can monitor exactly what I'm doing, and when more people try and jump in on it, I just get confused and frustrated. I, like you, see my kitchen as sort of a place of sanctuary and wouldn't invite a lot of people in there to hang around. I prefer to keep that sort of fraternizing other open places in the house. Places where the guests are invited. :)
@Suggar (3612)
• Bulgaria
18 Nov 10
Thanks for sharing your opinion. I know something, from my friends, who are girls, most of them don't like someone to hang out in their room or to check the dishes just like that. I don't know why is that, i thought it will be good when i have my own kitchen to be opened more of the time, but now i understand that it's not so good for me.
• China
17 Nov 10
Well, people do not walk around in others' apartments when they go in there for the first time, except they are invited to look around. But, sometimes, some friends will come and help when I am cooking, and I think it is fine, if they are good cook and really helpful. Plus, in my opinion, except the bedroom, the other places in apartment is free to closed friends, such as kitchen, bathroom, balcony. In the other side, I do understand your idea. Every kind of relations has their borders. We have to respect others privcy and feeling of being host. This will help us avoid some unforeseen or embarrased situation.
@Blondie2222 (17638)
• United States
17 Nov 10
I don't ever have company over at my house because i'm never home. I'm always at someone else's house. But whenever i'm at my friends or my boyfriends house they always tlel me to help myself to anything I want. I normally don't always do that because i don't feel right eating their food, drinking their stuff. When i'm at my boyfriends I bring my own food and drinks. Sometimes he'll cook me dinner and then i'll eat then. But if I do end up having company over I'll ask them if their hngry and i cook the food and bring them drinks. I don't like other people to eat my food if their not paying for it. Money doesn't grow on trees lol.
@Suggar (3612)
• Bulgaria
17 Nov 10
That's right, money doesn't grow on trees. I don't mind giving, when i have. We had in the past, now we are not so good with the money and i'm trying to keep what we have for us, because we never know how much we will do in internet.
@NoWayRo (1063)
• Romania
17 Nov 10
I couldn't agree more. I love having people over, but the kitchen and my bedroom are off limits, unless I say otherwise. The kitchen is generally messy, not dirty, so I'm not embarrassed if anybody goes there, but, you know, a few dishes that need to be washed, some groceries that I didn't have time to unpack, a pot that's 10 years old and doesn't look very good, things like that. Considering that I generally put in a lot of work for my guests, to make sure everything is spotless and comfy, I don't want them to see the "laboratory", just the final masterpiece :)
@Suggar (3612)
• Bulgaria
17 Nov 10
I agree with you 100%. We got only living room, little kitchen, bedroom and toilet with bathroom in our apartment. Living room is where our guest come. Always when we got guests, if i have some food, i put it on the table, if we got something sweet at home, i put it on the table. I love having guests also, but i love my privacy too. And I don't want whole my life to be on the stage all the time for everyone. I think that people must respect other people, must respect their privacy and their own life. This is how i live and this is what i like in people.