Dealing With Relationship After Death

November 19, 2010 6:34am CST
We recently had several deaths in the family. My wife lost her mother and I lost a sister. Is it possible that emotionally I am not willing to offer my wife's compassion because I am still grieving my own sister's death?
2 responses
@MJ7262 (12)
• United States
28 Nov 10
Yes I would say that is a huge possibility. You are going through your own emotions and I'm sure that your wife feels the same as you. In this situation I think it seems as though you both have to work on your own loss's before you are able to comfort one another on a more compassionate level.
• United States
20 Nov 10
Yes this is very possible. Often when we grieve, it is about "us" - not about others. Even though your wife is going through her own grief, that is about her. Your grief is about you. It is a very tough demand to be "strong" for other people when you grieve, and in most cases, you should allow yourself to be selfish enough to work through that period, and let others be strong for themselves. Especially since you aren't dealing with children, whom you would have to be strong for, you and your wife should just know you are there for each other...later. Go through your own grief periods now, and don't demand support from the other one until they get through their grief period. In the end, you two will likely grow because of this, and will likely find a common bond that you can both use as a source of strength at a later time. But for now allow yourselves to grieve and missed your individual loved ones. There is nothing wrong with being selfish for a while.