My lover is still connected with his ex on facebook. What shoul I do?

Philippines
January 14, 2011 7:06pm CST
My boyfriend recently told me that he and his ex-girlfriend are still friends in facebook. However, he told me that they do not send messages, chat, nor give comments on each other's photos. What should I do? I feel jealous knowing the fact that they are still connected in the said social site. I am not comfortable with this. I am afraid that they might communicate again behind my back. My boyfriend keeps on giving me assurance that he will never cheat on me. But despite this, I still feel jealous. How should I cope up with this?
2 people like this
11 responses
• Philippines
15 Jan 11
Well it is normal to get jealous even if your boyfriend reassures you otherwise. I think you should trust your boyfriend with what he is saying that they are not communicating whatsoever. Unless you have proven otherwise, there's no reason to still be jealous. Maybe they're connection in Facebook is mainly for "Friends" purposes... meaning to have more FB friends. But nothing serious. If you continue to entertain your jealousy, you will just feel more and more insecure and this might spark a fight between you and your boyfriend because you don't believe in him. When my ex and I broke up, we remained friends and there was a time he told me that his current girlfriend fight with him all the time because she was jealous of me. But we are really just friends. Up to now. He told his girlfriend that we were just friends and that we weren't doing anything wrong. We've been friends eversince we were little. But his girlfriend wouldn't believe him. What I'm saying is even though your boyfriend is connected with his ex-gf, it doesn't mean they're doing something wrong. You should trust him when he says there's nothing to be jealous of. You'll just torture yourself if you continue to be jealous. Trust him.
• Philippines
15 Jan 11
Thank you so much. I am now quite relieved with what you said. I will put that in mind. One more thing, what if I will ask him to delete the account of his ex? What is your opinion about that?
• Philippines
15 Jan 11
You could try... But I'm not sure he will like that. You see, if you do that, it's like you're manipulating him instead of trusting him. If I were you, I wouldn't do that. It will just show your insecurity and distrust of him. Believe me, I know how you feel. I understand perfectly. Like what was mentioned above by the first myLot comment, wouldn't you want to be friends with your ex-bf especially when you've settled your differences and moved past what made you break up in the first place? Would you like it if his current girlfriend ask your ex to give up your friendship and delete your connection even though you know you're not doing anything wrong and in fact, you're really just friends? What I'm saying is, don't do something that might make your boyfriend feel like you're directing his life. Don't manipulate him. It's like saying you don't believe in what he's telling you. What if they're really just friends, eh? What if they're really not communicating whatsoever? Asking him to delete her account won't reassure you. It'll just make you wonder more if there are other means of communication between them. So you should just let him be, and stop getting jealous. If you love your boyfriend, you should trust him. You should give him at least the benefit of a doubt.
• Philippines
15 Jan 11
I will follow both of your advices. You made me realize great things regarding this matter. With the scenario you have stated, I do not want that to happen as well. I understand the situation deeper now. I hope that I can control my jealousy starting now ;)
@lazette (216)
• Philippines
15 Jan 11
Try asking him right out to delete the girl from FB, if he's that open-minded to realize that it does affect you. If he disagrees, then I guess, just try to understand. Facebook is nothing but a social networking site. If he, however, makes a lot of contact with her in real life, then that's when you should put your foot down. It's all a matter of trust, but there's nothing wrong with being conscious about it. That's perfectly normal. I was in the same predicament once, but my boyfriend was more than willing to cut all ties with his ex, including deleting cell numbers and like, never actually acknowledging her presence when they meet at class and stuff.
• Philippines
16 Jan 11
You are right. I have to trust my boyfriend. He did nothing for me to doubt him so far. However, I will try to ask him to cut all his connections to his ex. Thank you for your advice.
@lazette (216)
• Philippines
16 Jan 11
You're welcome :). I hope you'll get through this okay.
@maean_19 (4662)
• Philippines
15 Jan 11
What is to be jealous about? If your bf says that with sincerity, you can just feel it and trust him. You doubt when he says nothing at all and then you will out eventually that they are communicating. I don't see anything wrong being friends with an ex, that only proves that they had moved on.
• Philippines
16 Jan 11
It was actually me who asked if they still have connections with each other. It somehow bothered me at the beginning because he never told me about it not until I asked him. Anyway, I have decided to trust him. If he happens to break this trust, then it would definitely be the end of our relationship.
1 person likes this
@maean_19 (4662)
• Philippines
16 Jan 11
Hmmm! My advise to you my friend, don't put too much doubt to your bf if he has not done wrong. Give that doubt when you have a basis. Keep the trust. And yes, when he lose that, no second thought of ending the relationship. I tell you, once he cheats on you, he lose the trust.
• Indonesia
15 Jan 11
I think you should try to trust your boyfriend. If you gave someone a chance to prove that he keeps his word, they will keep it. Unless, he is already has a bad habit in playing games with people's heart. He has a right to have friends and so do you. So, in my opinion, just let it be and still take care of him besides giving him trust.
• Philippines
16 Jan 11
You are right. I have to trust my boyfriend. So far, he has done nothing for me to doubt his love. Perhaps I feel insecure knowing that they are still connected with each other.
@jonnifc (1021)
• Philippines
15 Jan 11
What should you do? Nothing. It's his facebook, his friends list and his social life. You wouldn't want to start controlling his life that way. If the situation was reversed, would you want him to still be jealous and paranoid even if you have told him that there's nothing to worry about? I don't think so. I think the problem here is not that he is friends with his ex, but that you don't trust him. That's a bigger problem that you should address. Has he done anything in the past that would cause you to not trust him? If none, then you're not being fair to him with you not trusting him.
• Philippines
15 Jan 11
You have a point. Thank you for your comment. Anyway, I think I know you. :)
• Philippines
15 Jan 11
Greetings! I know how it feels because I had an ex boyfriend who has a connection with his ex too. I always check his wall, photos and everything. Well, you could ask for his "password". If he fails to give it to you, he's hiding something. Maybe he still has a communication with his ex and he doesn't want you to figure it out. Well, that would be your last option. His password. You better check first his profile always. His photos, wall, comments, status and every thing then if you see someone who you think is flirting on him, ask that girl in a nice way if he knows your boyfriend. Introduce yourself that your his girlfriend so she knows what to do. Just check his profile from time to time, chat with his girls so that you'll know what's happening around then if it doesn't work or you still have doubts on him , GET HIS PASSWORD. :)
• Philippines
15 Jan 11
Hmmmm.. That seems to be a nice idea.. Hehe :)
• Philippines
15 Jan 11
hello aresh, I do understand your feelings but you should remember that TRUST is one of the pillar in a relationship if you feel love by your boyfriend and you trust him wholeheartedly there will be no reason for you to be alarmed Past is Past and you can't change the fact that once they've been lovers but you are the present one just give your boyfriend enough reasons not to have feelings to his ex-girlfriend. Being worried and feeling jealous is a natural but it can poison your mind and heart that will lead to unhappy relationship. happy posting!
• Philippines
15 Jan 11
I like the line you have said, "you are the present one just give your boyfriend enough reasons not to have feelings to his ex-girlfriend." I will put this in mind. Happy posting as well to you!
@tiina05 (2319)
• Philippines
15 Jan 11
hello, You are in the hard situation areshstarfreak, If i also in your situation i got really jealous as you are, but first you must trust him. Did you tell him that you really got jealous? If he promise you that he will never cheat on you how can you be so sure about it.? they are still connected. Try to talk to him . he must delete his ex?? because you will be bother all the time. okay? Good luck friend
• Philippines
15 Jan 11
Calm down vonmac. I understand everything now. Thank you for your comments. ;)
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
Trust him if he says that though his ex are on his friends list on face book but they don't give any comments or personal messages believe him. Although it is normal to feel jealous but always bear in mind that they are all a thing of the past. And you are the present. Because the more you talk about it with your boyfriend regarding his ex for sure it will just put up a fight. Much better for you to trust him.
• Philippines
17 Jan 11
Let him assure that he will not cheat you. If you really wanted an honest relationship, you need to talk about it and speak up for your feelings that you are uncmfortable of having his ex as a friend in facebook. Try to explain to him why you felt this way. If you love your boyfriend, then you will trust him as well. But if there were cases before that he cheated you, then it's really quite possible that he will cheat again. Protect your relationship, save it if you should. But manage your emotions as well. God loves you even more than anyone does. Take care!
• Philippines
17 Jan 11
Let him assure that he will not cheat you. If you really wanted an honest relationship, you need to talk about it and speak up for your feelings that you are uncmfortable of having his ex as a friend in facebook. Try to explain to him why you felt this way. If you love your boyfriend, then you will trust him as well. But if there were cases before that he cheated you, then it's really quite possible that he will cheat again. Protect your relationship, save it if you should. But manage your emotions as well. God loves you even more than anyone does. Take care!