just pretending....:-(

@asliah (11148)
Philippines
January 17, 2011 8:47am CST
i am separated with my lover for almost 2 months, and i've been single too for 2 months, my family observed me if im sad or happy, but instead of showing to them that im sad, i just pretend that im happy as a single, just to hide my true feelings but actually i am really hurt deep in my heart, they didn't notice my fake smile for 2 months till now. can you pretend that you are happy but deep inside of your heart you are heart broken and really hurt? how will you keep it for long?
4 people like this
25 responses
• United States
17 Jan 11
It is a form of healing my friend. See when we experience bad things in our lives we either go into deep depression and or we try to face them head on and still live. So to a sense YES, I do this many times in my life. In other words there is no joy in a break up, so we either fall into a deep depression with no return, or we try and tackle it on day by day with going on with our life. Which includes smiling when we do not truly feel like it, laughing at meaningless jokes when we do not feel like it and mingling with friends/family while all along our hearts our torn.
• South Africa
19 Jan 11
I'm not so sure about that. It is certainly a positive approach and can work for some, but I believe it is important to be authentic to your true self. When you are happy you are happy. When you are angry you are angry. Don't try to hide who you are from the world. I know we can't walk around crying all the time (although I've had my share of that) but one also needs to be true to oneself. Sometimes pretending just makes you feel worse because inside, the pain is there anyway. The best is to find a good friend or someone you can cry to and talk to. I always find that a good hug helps
• United States
20 Jan 11
Apparently you did not read the discussion and all comments as you would have found not only my response here but above also. It is saying the same thing. No where am I saying hide at all. If you read the discussion it is asking are you fake, if you pretend to be happy when you are not. Did you not see where I said YES, above!! Please read it again! I was inputting tips on how to not get depressed and allow a person to go down the wrong road!
• Philippines
17 Jan 11
Hello Asliah, I am sorry for what ever happened to you're relationship. but if i were the person, I NEED to LET IT GO first, spit it out. so that when i have nothing left to be sad or mad about, i can start doing myself a favor to move on. My friend, you might end up hurting more deeply by pretending. remember, this aren't "other" people you are hanging around with every day. these are you're family, they care and love you. they prefer you to be better. of course, it would hurt them if they realize you are pretending to be happy. you can pretend to you're friends, but to family? give it a try at least let it out to the closest to you. GOdbless.
1 person likes this
@adhyz82 (36263)
• Indonesia
17 Jan 11
i know your truly feeling..but i dont think i can hide my feelings to my parents.. they know all my feeling and love stories...
1 person likes this
@sameer786 (833)
17 Jan 11
I can't hide my feelings specially when my heart has broken by whom i love , my feelings can be seen in my eyes and face , i ca'n smile or talk properly because my mind is not present at current situation and i continuesly think about my sadness.
1 person likes this
@sanjay91422 (2728)
• India
17 Jan 11
Well, that is sad that you are missing your lover because you are separated. All you can do is either patch up again or find another one. You should not keep this feeling in you for a long time. It is Okay to find another one if the previous relation doesn't seem like working now. I agree with you that sometimes we have to pretend our feelings and have to have a fake smile sometimes. The thing is this that we have to come out of this situation soon. I wish you good luck.
1 person likes this
@maean_19 (4662)
• Philippines
17 Jan 11
Hi Asliah! To feel the heartbreak can be controlled by you depending on until when you want to feel that. I am heart broken too my friend for more than a month now. And during the holidays when I went to my hometown, no one knew that my bf/live-in partner and I got separated. Only my sister knew about it. They noticed me to have lost some weight, but they did not notice that I am undergoing some pain. While we were feasting during the New Year's eve, one of my grandmothers asked me when I would get marry, and I said "I'm single". My cousin, my aunt and my other grandma were shocked. I could imagine again how their faces looked like when they heard me say those words. They were shocked because when they came to my apartment mid of November, they still saw my bf in my place. You can pretend to be happy when you are feeling sad, but never nurture that pain, my friend. If you feel to cry it out, go for it. If you let the pain remains in your heart, moving on will be hard.
1 person likes this
@mrfdg1972 (3238)
• Philippines
17 Jan 11
hmmmm i'm a bit unhappy with my wife and yet when been married tor fifteen years..
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Jan 11
I can't pretend how I feel inside. If it really hurts like hell, I take some time to heal my broken heart. Usually I seek advice from my friends and family because I know they knew what's best for me. So when the right time comes that I'm prepared to love again, I'm much stronger than before. Loving someone is like bravely facing all the risk it takes, and to conquer the risk you have to face your fears. Just think on the brighter side, you wouldn't have learned an important lesson if you didn't take that first brave step. If you've fallen out of love, just look at the positive side, there is more to life than loving that person who broke your heart.
1 person likes this
• China
17 Jan 11
I think you need learn some more sad story or peason, then you will find you are happy.
1 person likes this
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
23 Jan 11
This is normal. I think you need to mourn. You need to really let out the pain. Cry and cry some more. It hurts when something goes bad, and mourning will help you move forward with life. Find someone you can trust, (not a guy), and tell them you are hurting. Then when you determine you are done, get back up again, and move forward.
@kanchan10 (3414)
• Kolkata, India
22 Jan 11
life may throw many such mysterious situations.you have to cover your feelings just to show others.your pain could make some else make feel bad.so you hide your emotions just to show that you are happy. try to engage your self with other activities. thing will change very soon
• Philippines
19 Jan 11
maybe I can't hide it because I am not true to myself or other people... your attitude seems to be not good if you will do that always...
• Italy
18 Jan 11
I completely agree with "lady_di1210". The hardest thing to face is that deep inside you know you're just pretending, so you know you're hurt. So, It's not about pretending to be happy with the others, I think It's more a problem you have with yourself. What you're going to do next is only up to you: you can either keep pretending and being sad, or you can learn from this mistake you made, and try to be happy again, and i mean happy for real. Good luck, asliah!
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
I'm very good with that. It's just that I don't want them to feel lonely or sorry for me. Now, what I do is I focus on the good things that I receive... the graces and the happy moments. I don't dwell on the sad feeling. I watch happy or funny movies and that everything has a reason. Hope you'll be happy soon.
@Lotswits (176)
• Hong Kong
18 Jan 11
Nope, I am not the type of person. If I can pretend to be something, I think I can be an actor. You can be an actress, by the way. Sometimes, a mask that is wore too long can become your true face. So, you pretend to be happy, then you'll be happy eventually. However, if you are not willing to spend another two months acting, why don't you find some ways to exert your emotions, maybe a cry?
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
hi asliah amm in my part i don't know if i can take it to pretend if im happy or not because when you're happy everything's gonna be alright its like you dont have to worry of something else. But when you're sad its hard to pretend like your happy coz your mind says be happy while our heart says your not....:)
@ptower76 (1618)
• United States
18 Jan 11
Experiencing a loss is always difficult, which your family knows hence they observe you to see how you react. I think we all experience what you are experiencing at one time or another. People experience grief differently based upon their individual feelings over the object of their loss so there is really no set time or method for grieving. Express your grief for as long as you have to. It will help you to heal. Don't suppress your grief because it will not go away if you do. I am the type that will not outwardly show my grief around others but I will do what it takes to express my grief in private. Eventually you'll get over it. Most of us do. Good luck
@rasshion (47)
• United States
18 Jan 11
First, I'd like to say that it sucks to lose the one you love... I know from experience. I also know that it's all too easy to hide the way you feel from the people closest to you. I suffered from depression for years without a single member of my family or any of my friends ever knowing about it. It actually got easier for me over time to hide my emotions. If I hadn't said anything, they still wouldn't know to this day. If you have any family members or close friends that you think would be able to help you with your situation, it could help to ask them for some advice or just a shoulder to cry on. I can tell you, crying alone in the dark gets you nowhere. But different things work for different people, and I truly hope that you find what works for you.
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
yes, I can pretend how I really feel. Even if I'm sad, I still smile or laugh especially when coming to work. I do this to avoid my family from being worried and not to affect my job. But it's better that there will be someone who is willing to listen to you and face the trials you are experiencing, because you cannot keep it for long just by yourself. You might have a heart attack or stress for that ;)
• India
18 Jan 11
No, I will not be able to keep my emotions in check.If I am unhappy, it will definitely show it in my face and actions. Regarding your problems, I do not know the reasons for your split with your boyfriend/lover, but try to once again talk it over with him, and if it is still not resolved, I think it is time to get on with your life.There are many other people in the world, and an attractive girl like you will be able to find a much better lover than your present one. Best wishes.