MOM or DAD?

Italy
February 3, 2011 1:31pm CST
A collegue of mine is getting divorced and since he has a kid he had to go to a judge to decide who the kid will stay with, which is kind of sad. But the worst thing is that the judge asked the kid (he's only 4 years old!) "Who would you like to stay with, Mom or Dad?". How can a kid decide a thing like this! He's too young and this decision could change his life forever! Anyway my quesion to you is, what if someone asked you to choose between your parents? Would you be able to choose? Who would you choose and why? Personally I would say my Dad, not because I don't like my mom. I love DEEPLY both my parents, but my mom is way more mature than my dad, he couldn't live alone =.=". So I wouldn't choose by love, but by feeling of responsability... what about you?
2 people like this
18 responses
@mokkka (883)
• Bulgaria
4 Feb 11
Believe me that a 4-year-old child now understands everything just as a grown up and has his or her personal view.What is incorrect according to me is not to give the child any opportunity.Here in Bulgaria the child is almost every time given to the mother as she is presumed as the more important parent because she gave the birth to this child.I have seen cases that the kid cries out his eyes and begs to stay with the father but has no rights.
1 person likes this
• Italy
4 Feb 11
well mokkka, I'm not that surprised since also here in Italy the kids are usually (not to say ALWAYS) given to the mother and it's not always the right choise... but do you really think a 4 year old kid is able to decide a thing like this? I don't know, i feel like it's too early...
@mokkka (883)
• Bulgaria
4 Feb 11
it is not only the child's opinion I guess.They just ask the child and then should take into consideration all the other factors like work,money,social status,parental behaviour ..and just then decide where should the child go.But a 4 year kid may say if some of his parents beats him or abuses him in some way..
@elena1969 (154)
4 Feb 11
If he is 4 years old,it is physologically advisable that the mother should take the kid,because she will be able to take care of the kid.When the kid becomes 14-15 he/she could go live with her dad for a while,then with the dather.But it also depends who is
1 person likes this
• Italy
4 Feb 11
at first I thought that being that young it was better for him to stay with his mom, but the mom is self gives me a bad idea...I mean, a mother should be aware of the fact a child (he's a boy) could feel the need of a male figure around him and, last but not least, has the right to have a father. Well, the mom said "or me or the father..both can't be done." That's sad
4 Feb 11
dad because I already lost my mom. I think I don't have any other choice. I won't choose my step-mom over him of course. hahaha.
• Italy
4 Feb 11
oh, I'm sorry mate :( well, I'm pretty sure everyone would choose the father instead of stepmother! ;)
• Philippines
4 Feb 11
I would choose my Dad definitely, not that I don't love my Mom but we don't really get along well with each other. Let's just say that we could not spend 10 minutes together. We always end up bickering. I just don't know! Well to my Dad, he is the best for me in the entire world. He is the best man for me. He provided us with everything, from the basic necessities to our luxurious wants. He never gets tired in telling us to go to the right path of life. He understands the situation but has the ability to snap his anger easily and let go of what happened in an instant. He is my hero, my strenght, and I would do everything to make him happy.
1 person likes this
• Italy
4 Feb 11
awwww I'm so envious about the good relation you have with your dad! You're very lucky, not everyone has a father to count on... :)
• United States
4 Feb 11
Having a 4 year old choose between his or her parents is one of the worst things I think I have ever heard! How are they supposed to do that? For myself, the decision would be easy, I would choose my Mom, but that is because my parents got divorced when I was 2 and my mom got custody of me. My dad really wasn't around much. In this case, I think the parents (if they are both caring and loving parents) need to work something out so the little guy could spend time with both of them. The divorce alone will be hard enough on him. He shouldn't have to make a decision like that.
• Italy
4 Feb 11
oh, I'm sorry about your parents' divorce :( anyway that's exactly what I thought too: HOW ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?! =.="
@SIMPLYD (80299)
• Philippines
4 Feb 11
This is a difficult question because i both love my dad and mom so much. I guess, as a kid i would choose my Mom because she was the one i am closest with. She was the one who takes care of me whenever i am sick. She was literally the one who took care of me until i grew up to be matured, since she was a plain housewife eversince. I guess, now that i am older i would still choose her, because i can already support her since she has no job. My dad could get by because he has a job to support his self.
1 person likes this
• Italy
4 Feb 11
This is an interesting thought because if you have a job you're probably overage or about to be; so if you were legally already an adult you could choose to live on your own and plus the judge wouldn't have ant need or asking you such questions...Anyway, I like your choice, it's extremely rational
1 person likes this
• India
4 Feb 11
Some people love to ask stupid questions to children. I remember my childhood and I remember how stupid they looked when they asked those silly questions. One among these questions was obviously, "Whom among your parents do you love the most?" This is a totally dumb question and it's sole purpose is to confuse and irritate the child. How am I supposed to choose between my parents? I love them both and I don't want to discard any of them. It would be so gross if I do anything like that. However, in psychology, I studied about Oedipus and Electra complexes. The former, for which a child loves his mother more than he does his father, occurs in boys. The latter occurs in girls and as a result they love their fathers more than their mothers. Moreover, girls follow their mothers and boys their fathers because of these two complexes. At least that's what Freud used to believe. So even if one of those parents leaves the child, his personality fails do develop in a normal and balanced way.
1 person likes this
• Italy
4 Feb 11
I totally agree with you that this is one of the most stupid questions ever...I had heard about Oedipus and Electra complexes but I thought it was related to newborns, at 4 year old shouldn't be finished that complex?
1 person likes this
@staria (2782)
• Philippines
4 Feb 11
If I can do away w/ the option of choosing between the two of them, Id rather not choose. But if I have to, I will choose my dad because he is so understanding and he makes me sane. Knowing that he's always there for me and that he believes in me is enough.
1 person likes this
• Italy
4 Feb 11
...yeah, also thinking how much a parent is supportive could be a way of chosing
1 person likes this
@dearlene (78)
• Indonesia
4 Feb 11
For me I think I can't choose which one I want to live with. Bicause both of my parent is cover each other. My mom alyaws taking care of my, my sisters and the house while my father is earn a living.
• Italy
4 Feb 11
you pointed out an interesting statement: what if one parent only earns a living?
1 person likes this
@rog0322 (2834)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
4 Feb 11
Hi greenbunny, Tough decision for a four-year old. In my place, it would tear my heart apart to see one of my parents go and had to stay with other. Maybe I won't be able to choose at all, I want them both, so can I stay with one and then with the other in a scheduled basis, your honor?
• Italy
4 Feb 11
I see you argument...well, that's exactly what I suggested to my collegue: why don't you "share" your kid? I mean, he lives a week with his mother and another with his father? But he told me that he doesn't want his kid to see his mother anymore...grrr!!!
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Feb 11
I would choose my mom and choose my mom because i am a girl of course and would only get along with her better and she could help me with my girl problems as well as do girly things with me that my dad couldnt do. Of course like you stated you love both your parents and i also love both my parents the same. My dad of course isnt the best with household chores and i think at the age i am now i would spend some days with him and some with my mom to help both of them with household things that would need to be done. Its life and things like this happen but a 4 year old wouldnt be able to choose which parrent he would rather stay with.
1 person likes this
• Italy
4 Feb 11
I know what you mean and I would understand your choice; plus I agree with you, 4 year old kid aren't capable of such choices
@acey76 (1278)
• Philippines
3 Feb 11
Well for my country , if you had a son you should be at your mothers custody, if you have a daughter then it is to his fathers custody, but it also depends upon the capability of the father and the mother. but if i were to choose i don't know what to say maybe ill demand a scheduled custody both for my mom and dad
1 person likes this
• Italy
4 Feb 11
what country are you from? Anyway yes, your choice of a scheduled custody would be definetly both for mom and dad would be definetly the best...The only matter with this story is that the parents want the kid all for them...sometimes people can be that selfish!
1 person likes this
@daeckardt (6245)
• United States
3 Feb 11
If my parents were still alive, I would choose my mom. She was always easier to be around. Four years old is too young to have to make such a decision unless one or the other parent was especially abusive. In an instance like that, the child could say they want the one that wasn't abusive or if both were abusive they could say they didn't want to stay with either. I hope the situation works out well for this little tiger!
1 person likes this
• Italy
4 Feb 11
fortunately none of the partents was abusive or violent, but it's still a very hard choice for a 4 year old kid.
1 person likes this
@Trensue (5256)
• United States
6 Feb 11
At four years old the question was not appropriate or legal if it was in the US. If the children are older they may be the best ones to make the decision. They probably are not fighting about everything.
• Italy
10 Feb 11
Really? I had no idea it was illegal in the US! You tought me something I didn't know...thanks! :)
@Trensue (5256)
• United States
10 Feb 11
You learn lots of useless facts as a court clerk.
@Sunehant (57)
• India
9 Feb 11
I will not be able to choose anyone of them because i will want to support both of them. Yours is a good decision thinking of your responsibility. I love my mom and cannot live without her but it does not mean that I will keep him aside just because he is a little grumpy. A child is created out of two individual and so he requires both of them and not just one
• Italy
10 Feb 11
I know what you mean, if I was a mother I'd rather try to get the problems with my husband sorted instead of taking him in front of a judge. Plus, at least I'd try to be as less selfsh as possiblie in order to understand that my kid needs his father anyway. Thanks for your answer and have a nice day! :)
@lady1993 (18484)
• Philippines
9 Feb 11
That is really a hard choice for the kid to do- can't they just share custody? I don't really know which one to choose- I'd live alone then...I don't want to eve choose between my parents. Good thing there is no divorce here..
• Italy
10 Feb 11
ah, that's what I was wondering too: it's a little kid and he need both his parents to grow up properly, so why don't you just share the cousty? But they're all like "no, I want him just for me" and things like this...gee, what a sadness!
@pokumon (647)
• United States
4 Feb 11
I'm thankfully not having to choose between the two because even though my Dad threatened a divorce because of my Mom's gambling he never went through it. I would have to say I'd choose my Dad because he is more responsible and we get along better than my Mom and I. I am definitely a Daddy's girl. We like to exercise together and that is something I really can't do with my Mom. I'd feel bad about living with my Dad because my Mom would probably get lonely, but my Mom has more friends than my Dad so I think she would manage. It's a tough choice though. Plus if I was staying with my Mom she might constantly ask to borrow money because of her gambling problem and I would have to tell her no a lot.
• Italy
5 Feb 11
Oh hun, i'm sorry about your situation; it must be hard for you :(
@zapatee (477)
• Philippines
4 Feb 11
some countries have laws that cover this predicament, like for a child at a certain age range is made to live with his/her mother while the father continues to give support. when the child is older, he/she then can make a choice whether he/she wants to live with the father or mother or stay for certain periods with each one. making a 4-year-old choose which parent he or she wants to live with is simply dumb. at that age, a child still does not understand the concept of divorce nor the advantages and disadvantages of living with one parent alone. even being shuttled between parents is confusing and traumatizing.
• Italy
4 Feb 11
dear zapatee, i totally agree with you. When my collegue told about the judge question I was like "who the hell gave that judge his bachelor?!". God, that kid must be suffering a lot :'(