Being the eldest of siblings

@sammy14 (835)
Philippines
February 7, 2011 12:37am CST
Being the eldest of siblings carry with it great responsibility.. When you were still young it was already inculcated in your very young mind about these responsibilities and one of these is taking care of your younger siblings.. To be an alternative parent whenever they are out of the house. When both of you fight it's always your fault and you are faulted for not giving in to your younger siblings and sometimes you have to sacrifice for them.. It's unfair! How about your own life... your freedom.. How much will you sacrifice of your life for your younger siblings to enjoy.. Are you obligated to see to it that they all finish their studies.. If you have five younger siblings does this mean you have to finance them until they finish their studies.. How about your life... On the other hand when they graduate and raise their own families they will not even help you when you grow old and you die poor because you have not prepared for your future.. It's unfair..
3 people like this
10 responses
• Pakistan
10 Feb 11
I TOTALLY understand your pain.I'm the oldest and I hate it.No matter who's fault it is you get yelled at.You have to be responsible all the time which I hate.You get absolutely no credit for your sacrifices and even though you do so much,they still hate you.It hurts at times......Sometimes I can't wait to go to college and away from my siblings.They just make my life miserable=(But I try my level best to help them and make them happy.......
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
11 Feb 11
But you can make their lives miserable too... hahahah... well thats life... you cannot choose the time when you are going to be born.. but don't worry you'll be in college soon...away from your pestering siblings! but believe me you will surely miss them...
• Philippines
8 Feb 11
Hi there sammy14, Reading your discussion somehow relates to me but really I'm the youngest. My elder brother is different from me and didn't have the "eldest responsibility" attitude. I can't remember if my parents were able to initiate this kind of attitude to him. I believe, my brother and I changed positions. Not that I wanted it that way but I just came to my senses too early than him. I support my family right now with all the expense. My brother doesn't have work and I have to leave him in our old place so he could learn to stand on his own. I actually don't want to tolerate him being so lazy and dependent on us. We've been to so much struggle in life and I wanted to him to learn that I won't always going to be here as his helper. Though he is living alone, I still open my hands for help but still I would have to think of the consequences and see what are the possible outcome of my decision to help him. I also take in consideration the reason why he is asking for help or money. Like example, he asked for help for his passport. I did helped him with that since I know the outcome will be for his own good since he is looking for a job out of the country with the help of my cousins. Now, not all family situations are the same. Maybe you're just thinking too much and stressing yourself out. I may not understand it too but I try to look on a brighter side rather than complain about my life's situation. The more you linger on your "not so good" part of your life the more you get miserable and thinks that life is unfair. Being the eldest does really have great responsibilities with the siblings. As I have said that it may differ from a family to another. If your family really needs your help, then it is your discretion to help. My brother is the eldest but he didn't choose to be that. So its still all up to you. Just make sure that your family will still be alright even without your help and make sure that you explain that very well to your family so they will know what you feel about it from then they might understand you more and might loosen up the tension of being the eldest. This is not a professional advice though, I'm just placing my inputs with your discussion. You might consider what that I've said but still always think carefully before you jump into a conclusion or decision.
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
10 Feb 11
Thanks milky... I like the way you present your point.. its scholarly with advantages and disadvantages ... in other words it's very broad...Responsibility does not rest only on the shoulders of the eldest but it's also on the other members of the family especially when the eldest does not do his/her part.. But it would be better if it' s a shared responsibility among the siblings in that way it would not be much of a burden to the eldest or to the other sibling... That is a good trait of the filipinos which could sometimes become a disadvantage.. As for you it's good because you took the responsibility that was supposed to be your eldest sibling's.. I hope we can exchange some good comments more often...
• Philippines
7 Feb 11
I am the eldest in 5 siblings. And it has been always in mind to help them when they needed me the most. I am not saying that I am good older sister but I will do the best I can to make them happy and to keep our family intact. For me, its not a responsibility or duty to help them finish school. It is for me an honor and priviledge. I have my life. And I am juggling myself to be ready with my future and helping them. They are my life and I have vowed myself to help them in any means I can.
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
9 Feb 11
Thanks preppy..I admire you for being a good elder sister.. that is right there should be a balance between yourself and your siblings.. and our younger siblings should not abuse their elder sister they should also consider that their elder sis has also her own life to live..
@staria (2783)
• Philippines
7 Feb 11
Hi, I am the eldest in our family and yes there's a lot into just being the oldest child. Most of the time you tend to shoulder everything -from household chores, till giving money for basic expenses etc. Some unfortunate ones even bear their siblings school expenses like what you've said. You should not sacrifice your own future. You can still help your family even though you already have a life of your own. Though time with them would surely be compromised, your family will be able to accept it little by little. The key is do take things that you "can" only take and learn to say "no" if you cannot afford to do it anymore. You still hold your life, though you have a responsibility and a role to play, you still have your own life to live by. Good luck! :)
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
9 Feb 11
Yes my friend I agree with you.. While we have a responsibility to our younger siblings we also have our own life to take... We can help but it should not reach the point wherein we will forget about ourselves... And younger siblings should abuse the kindness of their elder siblings.. But there are others who would sacrifice themselves and forgetting about their personal selves in order to give a good life to their younger siblings..
@beamer88 (4274)
• Philippines
7 Feb 11
I'm not the eldest but I know the pressures of being one. I saw how my brother, the eldest amongst us three siblings, had to constantly do good in every undertaking because our parents had imparted in him to be the role model. And sometimes I felt guilty that he couldn't do a lot of the things that I do. Like coming home late from a party, getting drunk and all those stuff typical high school students do. But I appreciate what he did. And I wouldn't hesitate a second to help him in his time of need.
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
8 Feb 11
you are a good brother.. but if i ask you now.. are you obligated to have all your younger siblings finish their studies.. if and when he decides to marry while you are studying will you block it...
@thanks1961 (7049)
• India
7 Feb 11
Hi dear, I am the second son to my parents and my elder brother and 3 younger as 2 sister and one brother as total 5 children. We all are good friends and not like brother sisters. Parents given adequate freedom and love so that we shared all our pains and gains. Even now, all are grown up and become our own ways, still we got that attachment and cooperation how we are in the childhood. I think such a life we had was/is a blessing and wish the same for ever. However, I liked my younger sister so much as she was so cute and pet for all of us. Thank-s
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
8 Feb 11
Yes even if we are old we should still support one another... it's our duty as brothers and sisters.
@wilmscz (104)
• Philippines
7 Feb 11
it's really hard to be the eldest of siblings. you have to understand your younger siblings, help them and sometimes support them. but when the time comes your the one in need, they don't even bother to help. it's really unfair. they don't know the sacrifices sometimes you needed to do for them. as if we were born and oblige to support them and often in return get misunderstood.
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
8 Feb 11
I agree with you.. We give our best to them and sometimes they take us for granted.. They should see this help to them as an investment so that when the time comes that you need help they will help you.. Well they should realize that they will not be what they are if not because of their eldest sibling..
@jaiho2009 (36773)
• Philippines
7 Feb 11
hello sammy, I am the eldest of 4 siblings. Being an eldest i am not obligated to be one,but,i love my obligation being an eldest,and,my siblings always look at me that way. There are times in their lives that they still asks my opinion,seek my advise and i really loved it. My siblings respects me as i respect them. I listen to them and collect their opinion when needed (family matters) I love my siblings and my family,we are close to each other. We have our family (own family) and the closeness passes to our kids,we hope that our kids will also be able to pass it to the next generation. have a great day always
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
8 Feb 11
Yes not because you are the eldest means that you should be the one who always decide for the other siblings.. you should also consult them especially on family matters.
@EdnaReyes (2631)
• Philippines
7 Feb 11
When I was younger I must admit I do not understand why elder sibling must give way to a younger sibling. My parents would always tell me it's the way in the family. Elder siblings are obligated to look after the welfare of the younger ones. I must say that i rebelled on this issues not only once but so many times. I resented it and fight back hard enough to sent through my mind on this. Now that I have my own family, and had mellowed, I can see the reasons why this has to happen. It's a way in the family, a sort of tradition and respect. If you can't respect your position in the family,there's no way you can be a better member of it. Elder siblings are next in heir achy so I guess that's the way it has to be!
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
8 Feb 11
Thanks friend for responding.. I agree with you on this...It's a tradition in the family for a long long time.. There should be someone from the family who is going to be in charge of taking care of the other siblings when parents are out or something happens to them.. The eldest sibling will spell the the future for the others because if you fail then most probably the others will also fail.. The other siblings hold high esteem for the eldest that is why you should be a good model for them.
@kukueye (1762)
• Malaysia
7 Feb 11
i am the youngest actually.From my view, the elders constribute nothing to the family since my parents are fully independent.All benefits are given the elder child with full college funds and such.While being the youngest i have less for example inherit his underwears and worn shirts and clothes and such.Have to work for my studies and stuffs and such.