What do you mean "what do you mean"?
By curtangel
@curtangel (108)
United States
February 14, 2011 6:15pm CST
The people I spend the most time with tend to be a bit suspicious of others. My mother in particular asks all the time "What do you mean by that?" - when I was younger I just answered her. But as time went on I realized that this got me one of three responses: she accepted my explanation (occasionally), used my explanation to prove that I was saying what she thought I was saying, rejected my explanation and told me what I REALLY meant.
As an adult, I've found the best answer to "What do you mean?" is "What I said" with a mild rewording of my original statement in case my phrasing was odd. I seem to have the most success with that, with the people I deal with at least. I've tried "What did you not understand?" and other variations but found if the person was just looking for an argument it didn't help.
What do you all say when you get a question like that?
1 person likes this
4 responses
@jujunme (2501)
• United States
16 Feb 11
The first thing i say and this is only to those who know me well is, 'What do you mean"?"what did i mean"? ","i know you understood me the first time"but, like you i will explain it over again , in case i feel the person asking me, may have taken my statement the wrong way.I really dislike doing this , since i do know i was understood the first time and am only being asked because the person is being overly sensitive or suspicious and has taken my statement the wrong way,by nothing more than habit.
1 person likes this
@curtangel (108)
• United States
16 Feb 11
I've had the misfortune of knowing people that hide what they are saying in snide statements, but I wish people that know me would give me the benefit of the doubt. You're right though, it is a habit of mind to constantly look for other meanings to what someone said.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
15 Feb 11
I completely understand you mean. lol.. As why can't people accept that I mean what I said when I said it. Sometimes I get the feeling people intentionally question with the hopes they can change how we feel.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
16 Feb 11
I just wanted to come back and let you know that I have noticed a great many of your activity and find that you are doing great, keep it up you are nearing the first milestone here. 
@curtangel (108)
• United States
16 Feb 11
I agree - there are people that hide their opinions in sideways comments, but its not most people. If they know me well they should understand that.
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
15 Feb 11
Why can't some people just understand what we mean is what we say. We wouldn;t be saying what we do if we didn't mean it. Sometimes i just don't think some people want to hear what we really have to say.@curtangel (108)
• United States
15 Feb 11
Unfortunately some people are just looking for proof that the world is conspiring against them.
@NoWayRo (1061)
• Romania
15 Feb 11
Heh, my grandfather does exactly the same thing, but it's not because he doesn't trust others, it's because he's buying time to think of an answer. I don't even try to answer him anymore, I know he'll get back on track and give a normal response in a moment.
It's funny that this became a reflex for him, so much that he uses it for the simplest things. If I tell him "let's watch some tv", he says "what do you mean by that?", and then, in a moment, he starts telling me about a new show that's on. I got used to it, it doesn't bother me - I can only hope that my faults when I reach his age would be as insignificant as his.
@curtangel (108)
• United States
15 Feb 11
I do the same thing sometimes - I'll say "What did you say?" and begin responding to what they said almost immediately afterwards. I know a few people who use that phrase as a stalling tool - that's not what I meant but I'm glad you mentioned it.
