i duno what to do tbh

February 15, 2011 3:21pm CST
in my last 2 realationships iv been cheated on and left emotionaly battered. and now im engaged to the love of my life yet im having trouble trusting him. i went threw his phone and say a lasses name in it that i aint seen before. i seem to get jelous right easy and now i duno what to do. i get jelous right easy like i say i mean il cheak his facebook and stuff. i want to trust him and i do love him more then anything but i cant stop thinking bout what my exs were like. could i have some help please?
5 responses
• United States
15 Feb 11
Sarah, I am EXACTLY the same. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half and I still have problems trusting him. It will come with time. At first yes my boyfriend cheated on me but i stuck with him because at the time i was stupid and desperate, but in my situation things got better and now I have LESS trouble trusting him. He has to put effort into making you believe he is being truthful and trustworthy. Thats what my boyfriend did (after a while) and now we are looking at getting engaged. Just explain to him the situation and tell him if he wants to be with you he has to put effort into making you believe that he is only yours. An arguement he might make is that you have been with him for so and so long and you should trust him but you have to irrate that this isnt something that can change over night, its going to take time and if he isnt willing to give you the chance to feel better about this then he isnt worth it hun. I hope this helps!
15 Feb 11
it has helped a bit thank you (=. its just horible coz i want to text him now and say " whos is this lasses number!" and i cant do that coz il sound stupid and he will kno iv been snuping. but then i love him and couldnt live without him =L grr why does everthing have to always be so complicated? gl with ur fella btw
• United States
15 Feb 11
i read this to my boyfriend. he says as much as he agrees that it gets better with time. he says you cant punish him for your past boyfriends mistakes. hes not those guys hes himself and if you guys are engaged then obviously he is different so you need to let the other guys go. (from my boyfriends mouth not mine lol)
16 Feb 11
thanks (=, iv spoken to my bf now and we sorted it all out (= so thanks for ur advice and thanks everyone else for ur advice (= he aint like every over lad and i should kno that bye now we been going out for 2 years. it is starting to sink in tho that he loves only me. and everyone always says its obvious he loves me.
@bunnybon7 (36901)
• Holiday, Florida
15 Feb 11
i may be well over the edge here but unless hes told you he cant stand any jealousy at all from a gal. id ask him who it is. men are so strange. they say we are but right now my son is going through a change of women. hes said he dont like a woman to be terribley jealous like ex-ex, and yet when he got another one, he tought she loved him so much because she said she'd kill a girl that took him she was even jealous of me , his mom. now he has one that has never said all this and yet he thinks maybe she dont love him as much as the others. so again, very confusing. ask your fiance to explain about the girls phone number.
15 Feb 11
but then how do i explain bout snoping threw his phone?
@HarryS88 (33)
• Indonesia
16 Feb 11
Hello, You need to trust him because you will learn he feels to be respected. That respect will increase love and hope. Without trust and respect, your relationship will be wrecked. I know your being cheated is so painful inside, but this is life. Life will never be colorful if we don't experience such a thing. I'm a married one, but before I got married, I had had so many betrayals in my love. My ex-girlfriend cheated me by dating with her boss. It really hurt me first, but soon I realized that she was not the one for me. It really took a long time to heal the pain inside. Jealousy is the sign that you love him very much. However, you need to avoid being over-jealous to your boy, as he will begin feeling uncomfortable. Jealousy will also become a serious problem for both of you in the future. You also need to avoid likening him to your ex-boyfriends. Please throw that feeling away as it is very dangerous to your relationship. Once again, what you need is to trust him. Love without trust will never be a true love. Believe me. Hope that helps.
@SIMPLYD (80362)
• Philippines
16 Feb 11
You have been traumatic about you ex who cheated you, that's why you act that way. Do not generalize men. Try to trust your boyfriend now. You are now engaged so that means he do love you much. Talk to him heart to heart and explain to him why you act that way towards him. He will understand why and if he truly loves you, he will make you feel that he can really be trusted unlike your first boyfriend.
@birdie816 (1277)
• United States
16 Feb 11
well first of all i am sorry to hear about that (how your last boyfriends were). but congratulations on the engagement. i think you should just talk to your fiance' about the phone thing and see if he gives a seemingly sincere answer. if he seems like he is lying then i feel like you have the right to be paranoid and try to see if you can find out if he is cheating...but only after confirming that he in fact should be seen as suspicious. i had the same problem with my former fiance and my jealousy almost completely ruined our relationship. so i decided to trust him more and things have gotten alot better in that department and now we are happily married.