Why are men such Buttheads???????????????

Canada
February 15, 2011 9:41pm CST
K I have been with my man for almost 2 years and he is just pissing me off. I need to vent and make a discussion out of it at the same time. Now I am a SAHM of 3 wonderful kids. So I am here 24/7 cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the kidlets. I love my kids and would do almost anything for them but when is it my turn to get a night out? My man goes out every 2-3 days. goes to his guy friends places til 2am usually, then he comes home and plays video games til 4 or 5 am. In the morning he is so tired that he sleeps til between 12 and 1. So there is no time for us and there is no time for him to spend with the kids. He works nights usually 5-10pm so when he gets up so late in the day we barely see him before he's gone again. I have tried talking to him over and over again about how I am feeling about this and it just doesn't seem to sink in with him. He has no clue what it means to be a father and I am to the point where I don't NEED him around and if he can't shape up then he needs to ship the heck out. I am too sick of it. So my question now is. What would you do if your man was like this??????
1 person likes this
9 responses
@Masihi (4229)
• Canada
16 Feb 11
Oh dear, I don't know your entire situation, but from what I can read from this post, either some serious changes need to be taking place or you may have to tell him to leave. It is very selfish for him not to take part in your children's lives. I also am a SAHM and my husband works (day time) but he always is with the kids, no matter how tired he is. Life isn't easy, and decisions may be tough, I hope the two of you can work something out, otherwise, having him to leave might take the pressure (emotionally) off of you.
• Canada
16 Feb 11
yes I agree with that completely. Nothing I say to him seems to get through to him and it bothers me so much. I don't understand how someone can have children and not have anything to do with them much. i could understand if he worked too much but he doesn't work so much that he can't help out. Thank you for your response.
2 people like this
• Philippines
16 Feb 11
sometimes i asked myself, if am going to be like this if i settled down it would be futile. therefore, id' probably staying here as single until the time being i am complete. well, at least for now i have my freedom for sure i will have time to find the person that i want.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
16 Feb 11
Hello strawberry, It's really hard and awful to have a hubby who is out going with friends because they tend to get addicted to this and doesn't have a Primal priority with the kids and most specially wife. sometimes i don't think night outs are great since it's nothing more than drinks and some silly talks.. i hope that he will realize his stupid mistake.
2 people like this
• Canada
16 Feb 11
I know that working nights can take it's toll on some people and they become lethargic and have trouble adapting the rest of their day to accomodate the shift work. So, how long has he been working nights? Is he used to it? Is he having difficulty? That being said, it sounds to me like he is distancing himself from you and the kids for some reason. Either he has given up on the relationship, the family or something, or he just plain no longer has any interest. What would I do? I would ask him WHY? I would ask him if he is planning on leaving? I would tell him it seems like he already has. So, we may as well make it official. See his reaction. If he is upset, then he cares. If he is not, then it was inevitable. Does he not get a couple of days a week (like a weekend) off work, so he can spend with you and/or the kids? If so, what does he do with THIS time? I would then hire a babysitter and GO OUT with your friends. Go get that stress releif you so desperately need. Exclude him, do not invite him, do not ask him to stay home. Start showing him that you DO NOT NEED him. This may kick him in the azz and make him realize that you are not dependant on him. Who knows. Stranger things have worked.
• Canada
16 Feb 11
He has been working nights for a long time. Before this job, which is only til 11pm at the latest, he was working at pizza joints and wouldn't be home til past 4am. but he has had about a year to fix his routine. I know he does care and he hasn't given up on us. I think it's that he thinks I won't leave. I told him a few days ago that, "I wanted him here but I don't NEED him here" that made him upset but he needs to realize that I can do this on my own. I did it for 7 years before he came along. Hi days off are spent sleeping in and playing video games and then trying to get me to sleep with him even when I don't want to. Thanx so much for your response
• United States
17 Feb 11
Girl, go back and read what you typed: "I think it's that he thinks I won't leave". He's taking you for granted and will continue to do so until you make the next move! See if you can send the kidlets to grandma's or a friend's home for the night and treat yourself to some fun! That should wake him up real fast--and if he doesn't, then he wasn't worth it! Good luck!
@birdie816 (1277)
• United States
19 Feb 11
my man is kinda like this actually...but i fear it will only get worse with time if we dont find a solution to this ridiculousness that is our daily routine. my husband woke up today at like 11 am and headed straight for his xbox 360. he has not moved away from it since (and it is now about 4:30 pm). and it looks like he has no intention on stopping anytime soon. we had an argument about this last night...i cant honestly give you answers on how to fix this because i thought we had fixed it (for all of like 2 weeks) but now it is right back to where it was before sadly
1 person likes this
• Canada
22 Feb 11
Oh I hear you. it seems to change for a bit then it goes back to the way things were. I can ask him to get off the xbox and he does but the problem is his xbox comes before house chores which makes more for me to do. and I don't feel I should have to be his mother and tell him what needs to be done and how to do it. Anytime I do get him to do things around the house he asks me where he should start and where things go. It drives me nuts because he should be able to think for himself you know....
@kingparker (9700)
• United States
17 Feb 11
I am a man too, but I won't be like him. I am little bit of different from him because I do work, and work most of the time, because I need money. If I have a family myself, I would definitely trying my best to afford a warm home for my wife and kids, and I might work like a workaholic though. I hope that is the answer you are searching for.
1 person likes this
@NicoZieg (591)
• Denmark
16 Feb 11
Well, I'm a man myself, but I understand your problem. It's a pretty sad story you tell, because as far as I understand, then you husband only is at home few hours a day, except when he is sleeping. It's very sad fot you, and for the kids, because I think it's important, that the kids have time with their father. I really hope it will be better for you.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
16 Feb 11
not all men r the same u know, u had bad luck this time but who knows maybe next time u will have a nice surprise...
• Canada
17 Feb 11
Yea I hear you but I really would rather try and work things out with my man. He is the father of my children. he's not just some random guy that I just got with. We are engaged and I do not want to just give up so easily.
• Lithuania
16 Feb 11
Ok, first of all not all men are buttheads. Second of all, have you thought that man has to make money for his family. After a hard work he doesn't want to be with kids or you. He wants to relax and to sleep before a new day of work starts. Also, there are two days called a weekend, have you heard about it ever? Weekend would be the best time for him to be with you and children. So if I were him (not you) I would try to be with family mostly on weekens and if it doesn't help, screw that woman...
• Canada
16 Feb 11
How harsh are you holy 1. he doesn't get weekends off 2. he does not work 8 hour shifts 3. he only works 4 days a week 4. I make more money staying at home than he does 5. A father needs to be there for his family anytime they need him "screw that woman..." you MUST be a man that believes women have no rights. You make me sick. men that think women should be in the home only are retarded and need to be americanized. How dare you use MY discussion to belittle women. Do u have a family? If you do then why are you sitting on here instead of being with them? House chores and children are the responsibility of BOTH parents not just one or the other. If a man doesn't want to be around kids then he should have thought of that BEFORE he got the woman pregnant. GROW UP and THINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1 person likes this
16 Feb 11
Please never use the word 'butthead' again. LOL :)