My daughter is expecting

@DCMerkle (1281)
United States
March 20, 2011 3:04am CST
My 26 year old daughter is pregnant for the 2nd time. Her 1st pregnancy was ectopic. She was so happy with the first pregnancy, but when she found out it was ectopic she was devastated. She's the type of person that allows herself little leeway in the emotional department, so when she told me that she was pregnant again I didn't hear the any great happiness in her voice. She wants the baby and has already been to the Dr. to see if everything is alright. From what she was told everything should go normally. When she was pregnant the 1st time all she did was make plans, but with this one other than her telling me when the baby is due she just doesn't want to talk about it. I know that she is probably scared this time. I know I would be. I don't know what to say to her. We've never had a relationship where we could talk about things. At least where I would bring the subject up first. With her, I found that when she wants to talk about it, she'll do it when she is ready. I just feel that this can't wait until she's ready. Her mental attitude has everything to do with the development of the baby. She's doing all the right things for the pregnancy, like the Dr. visits, vitamins, diet and exercise, etc., but she's just so closed to any happiness. How can I help her in letting her know that it's okay to be scared, but she needs to let it go and allow herself a little happiness in this baby? How can I do this without widening the bond that we need to hold on to? DCMerkle
4 responses
• United States
20 Mar 11
How far along is she? They say after the 20 week mark, the chances of losing the baby lessen significantly and after 24 weeks, many babies born prematurely can make it with some medical intervention. If she's past these milestones, I would encourage her to try to be excited. Maybe take her out to lunch and see if she wants to share some of her feelings. It is very okay to be scared, especially given her previous experience, but let her know that it is also okay to be excited! And that this baby she is carrying will only benefit from her excitement. Regardless of what you decide to do to break the ice with her, just be there for her. Ask her questions after doctor appointments so that she knows you care. Ask her if she needs anything. Tell her stories about when you were pregnant with her... that will make her feel more connceted to you. I speak from experience as I am 28 weeks pregnant and feel that whenever woman in my life share there experiences with me, it makes me feel better and less alone. Good luck and congrats!
@DCMerkle (1281)
• United States
25 Mar 11
lilmamaCLT, SHe's just going into her 9th week. She told me about her 1st Dr.'s appointment and I was glad that the daddy went with her. She had a sonagram picture and it seems that daddy is more excited about the pregnancy than she is. She asked all the right questions, so I'm hoping that the Dr. will noticew as time goes on, if she doesn't get more excited about it, that she's afraid. Maybe he will be able to help her with it to.
@eileenleyva (9465)
• Philippines
20 Mar 11
Your daughter is afraid, no doubt about it. She doesn't want to be so excited anymore because she doesn't want to feel sad, if anything bad happens again. You could be her moral support. Daughters, sometimes, are just waiting for their parents to signal them to come to their open arms. Why don't you ask her to go shopping for baby things so you can talk about her situation. Bond! We don;t have much people in this world who we truly love. Our children make the world go round.
@DCMerkle (1281)
• United States
25 Mar 11
eileenleyva, Your suggestion of going shopping is a good one, but I think I'll wait a bit. She's been sick with morning sickness. I can remember those days! Our children do make the world go around...and up and down....back and forth, but it sure keeps us on out toes.
• United States
25 Mar 11
My sister also had an etopic pregnancy and now is expecting her first child & she was very afaid and nervous in the very beginning, but as the months go by and seeing sonogram pictures and such she is now more comfortable and very excited. Just give her time. And I would let her know that once she is past 3 months the chance of miscarring is very low. She should start to feel better with time. How far along is she? Congrats and good luck to her!:)
@toniganzon (42794)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
She's definitely worried that something might go wrong again and she doesn't want to go through the same pain again. She's holding herself back from any emotional attachment because of fear. I can only think of one way to remove this fear from your daughter and I hope that it would work. Get her a copy of the book, "What to Expect When You're Expecting." this book contains everything that could answer every worry that your daughter is going through. It's a very popular book even among Hollywood moviestars. This book has helped me go through my anxiety and depression when I was pregnant with my first baby and when I had my blighted pregnancy. With education, I hope that your daughter can get through her fears and would soon start to enjoy her pregnancy like most women do.