Don't want to lose her confidence / myLot

United States

April 1, 2011 8:11pm CST

My daughter and I are very close. We've been able to keep an open communication between us emphasizing on trust. I am always first a mother then a friend, but I have known many of her friends who has no relationship with their mothers. I'd rather my daughter tells me she is going to hang out with which friends at this place til this time, then not having that relationship with her and not knowing at all or lied to. I know of a lot of people who children tells them one thing, but are doing something else. My questions is this... I know something about your child, because my daughter shares that information with me. for example; you're daughter was suppose to be sleeping over at her best friend's house only she is not. My daughter happens to be at that same sleep over, the difference is I know where they really are and who was there, you don't. I don't know you personally, but knows your child because our daughters are friends. As a mother to a mother I think you should be aware of your child's where about, but at the same note, I don't want to lose my daughter's confidence by telling you. Reverse the situation, what would you do? Would you tell me and lose your daughter's confidence or keep your daughter's confidence?

2 responses

hardworkinggurl

@hardworkinggurl (37063)

• United States

2 Apr 11

Parenting is the hardest job in the world. I know exactly what you are saying because I too have a daughter and we have a wonderful relationship as well and have experienced this as well. I would speak to my daughter and explain that if it were her doing what the friend was doing you would be devastated if the other parent did not tell you. You can tell you daughter that her friend needs to speak to her mother because her mother (you) knows the truth and that you will be speaking to her mother, (not really), but perhaps this may get the friend to tell her mother. How did you find the truth, she can say you called there or went there that day. Sometimes we have to use a little reverse psychology. This way you are not loosing your daughters trust and still maintaining her confidence. You let your daughter know that you will not be speaking to her mother but that maybe your daughter may get through to the girl that she is somehow leading the wrong road. As for letting the other parent know, that is a tough one because if you are not close to the other parent they may not believe you and or be offended. If it were a family member or someone I knew then I would not have hesitated in letting them know, but also explaining to my daughter as to how I would go about it and also the reasons behind it. This is the part that I think of when we say parenting comes first.

@cmecu6 (420)

• United States

3 Apr 11

I actually told my daughter to suggest to the friend that she should be more honest with her parents for her safety. Her friend told her, she wouldn't understand, they don't have the kind of relationship my daughter has. My daughter told her maybe because she didn't give it a chance, but her friend kept scrubbing it off. I have not mentioned that I would talk to the girl's mom yet, maybe I will the next time this happens again. It has been a while since this happened.

goldmine275

@goldmine275 (48)

• Philippines

2 Apr 11

Hey! Just look on to your daughter as if she is your sister. If you want to keep your daughter's confidence, you better not nag or understand the world nowadays. Don't lost your patience because if you want to be treated nice as if she is just like you. Have a nice day!