would you stay with someone who hits you??

@lady1993 (16863)
Philippines
April 19, 2011 10:42pm CST
It really puzzles me that some people do that. Maybe it is out of love of the spouse or of the children. But it could be really dangerous, and sometimes they could end up getting killed. I would never stay with someone who hits me, becasue if it happened once, it may happen again..
7 people like this
21 responses
@indahfth (11173)
• Indonesia
20 Apr 11
Each person would not want to live with people who have been hurt. Especially the existence of physical violence. Like being beaten. I myself, do not want to live with people who like to hit. If my partner hit me, I'll decide to go.
1 person likes this
@lady1993 (16863)
• Philippines
20 Apr 11
That is good for you- I don't like to be with people who hurt me physically or emotionally too. but what about your children? If you already have any... Who would take care of them, or are you bringing them with you?
@indahfth (11173)
• Indonesia
20 Apr 11
Of course, I will take my child. Actually, now I live with someone who makes me depressed. But I still survive, because there was never any physical violence. If until there is physical violence, of course I'll go.
@lady1993 (16863)
• Philippines
21 Apr 11
Yes, you should really take your child with you- I am sure they'd go with you willingly. If i may ask, why does he make you feel depressed? Fortunately he doesn't harm you physically, but does he harm you emotionally?
1 person likes this
@keshia2007r (2886)
• United States
20 Apr 11
I agree if it happen once, it will for sure happen again. I was a witness if this. I'be never been physically abused, but I know some really close who was. In her situation it happened once then again. Finally she got out. Normally it take more than 2 or 3 hits to leave. In other situations the abuse made their spouse believe that he or she is ugly, no one would want them or ever love them. This is a reason why they stay. Because of lack of confidence, low self esteem and on top of no where else to go because the abuse more han likely made him or has stop talk8ng to family or friends. this subject is important to me, I'm strongly against abuse of any kind! Its easier said than done to leave an abusive relationship. But my heart goes out to people in this situation.
1 person likes this
@lady1993 (16863)
• Philippines
22 Apr 11
I am against abuse too- not just to people but even animals. When a person is abused, it is really helpful to ask advice from close friends and family, to know that the person still has someone to go to. If one of my close friends was abused I'd help her too.
• New Zealand
23 Apr 11
take this from someone who knows you can guide a friend, you need to stay in the sidelines you interfer to much and you lose that friend,these men have a hold i cant even begin to explain.In most cases your friend will pick her man over friend anyday.its easier that way
@lady1993 (16863)
• Philippines
23 Apr 11
Can we just ask for government assistance, or nongovernment assistance who are for women? We have those here and they are really dedicated in protecting women and children's rights..
• New Zealand
20 Apr 11
i am a women who has left my violent partner seven months ago we were together for 13 years he had been beating me for 10 of those,its easy for you all to say that you would leave,but i wonder if you would feel the same way after having 3 good years with your partner,this is unfortunitely women who are brought up in a violent family end up in one themselves,these men are good at manipulation and know which women to pick,they dont start hitting right away they wait until the women are in love with them,or married to them or have children to them before the hitting normally starts.most women do end up leaving,me at the moment will never trust another man
1 person likes this
@lady1993 (16863)
• Philippines
21 Apr 11
Well, I congratulate you for leaving him now. What happened after all those good years? It must have been really hard for you to live with him for 10 more years. But it is never too late to love someones else. Do you have kids already?
• New Zealand
23 Apr 11
he was just very good at how he went about it all biding his time until we had a child and house.he thought that i wouldnt leave ,and started the beatings.This is all about control and pocession,i thought he loved me,every time he hit me im the one that felt guilty,the more i tried to please him the worse it got.These men do not change.it took a long time to realise it.The only reason i pluck up the courage to leave was because i was afraid i was going to kill him.These men dont care or love you no matter how much you delude yourself into thinking they do.Nobody deserves to be treated like that,the longer you stay in a relationship like that the worse you think about youself until you become a shell.Life is so much better for us now,but my children and i are dammaged.Staying in a violent relationship hurts children more than you think.they see more and hear more,what my children are going through now is heartbreaking and dealing with the hurt in them is so hard.I am doing everything i can to stop my ten year old son from being like his dad through councilling i hope he wont repeat his fathers behavior
1 person likes this
@lady1993 (16863)
• Philippines
23 Apr 11
I hope that your sons lives a happy and normal life too, all of you. All you can do is just hang on to each other and love each other to make up for your husbands love. I hope all of you can recover from this..
• United States
22 Apr 11
Just Say No!! Once a man feels that he can get away with abusing you, rather it be mental, physical, or verbal, he will continue to do it. Especially if he grew up in a home where his father was abusive to his mom. I work in the Court System, so I see women file charges and drop them all the time. They are brain-washed! Never give someone that much power over you.
1 person likes this
@lady1993 (16863)
• Philippines
22 Apr 11
Yes, a person tends to be abusive when he or she also came from an abusive family. But sometimes saying no doesn't do anything, it can even worsen the abuse. The best thing is just go to court and tell your family about it.
• United States
22 Apr 11
True
• Philippines
22 Apr 11
Hello Lady, I am a guy and if my loved one slaps me, there's gotta be a reason and i won't leave her for it. but there has to be a talked that would smooth things out. I don't know about guy's hitting on women. you can do that if it's karate or boxing practice but can't when at home spending quality time with each other. no body wants to stay with a hitter because they are horrible.most probably immature for treating women like that.
@lady1993 (16863)
• Philippines
23 Apr 11
Yes, before doing anything the rash the couple should first have a talk abut it.. maybe it wasn't intentional. But if it was, then there is no reason t put up with it at all.
@KrauseHome (35026)
• United States
21 Apr 11
Personally the problem becomes people continue to think that the person Loves them even if they are being beat, and many times keep on going back even after seeking help, or being made to go back even after charges have been filed as well. I personally think it is a matter of Self Esteem and they need to get away and stay away before the next time they might be killed for sure.
1 person likes this
@lady1993 (16863)
• Philippines
22 Apr 11
Yes, I have seen some people in the news that really get killed by their abusive spouses.. which is why people need to get away from those who hurt them there is no love anymore when couples start hurting each other.
@Kirinx (1693)
• United States
20 Apr 11
I agree with you there.I notice tho that people who deal with a spouse hitting them try to make up all these accuses to cover their behavior but like you said before if it happened once it will happen again.I wouldnt deal with someone like that.
1 person likes this
@lady1993 (16863)
• Philippines
22 Apr 11
yes, which is why the spouse is also hesitant in leaving the one who hits becasue he or she sweet talks or gives gifts and try to make up for the abuse... Thanks for your response.
@ofabiania (421)
• Philippines
20 Apr 11
definitely.... NOT!.. an abuser uses a cycle.. just when you think he has changed just as when he promised not to hit you again while saying sorry, just wait for a coupe of weeks or even days and he will be back to his old "habit".. as early as possible, an abused person should get out of that relationship and to not wait for things to go out of hand..
1 person likes this
@lady1993 (16863)
• Philippines
22 Apr 11
I think so too... Especially if the person intentionally hit you, he or she won't stop. The best way is to talk first though, but if he or she hits again, the person should ask for help already.
@megamatt (14331)
• United States
20 Apr 11
I have never been in that situation. I would like to think that if I was in the shoes of such a person, that I would not really do such a thing. Then again, it is really one of those things that are a lot easier to make a decision from the outside, then with in. I mean, looking at the situation from the outside, you would think that it would be wise to go far away. I mean, all it takes is one good hit for someone to seriously injure an individual or worse. Therefore, it would be the wise to get far away. Then again, there have been many cases, where there are individuals in said situation that they swear that this is an isolated incident. That the other party apologizes and says it will never happen again. Which could potentially be true, but really, this is not something to mess around. Then there are these people, not just women mind you, but there are a few guys out there, that swear that they can change a person. Well, hate to burst your bubble, but violent people only seldom change. Do you want to take that change?
1 person likes this
@lady1993 (16863)
• Philippines
22 Apr 11
YEs, unless we really experience it now, we can't really be sure with our decision.. And i do agree that it's hard to change an attitude of a person especially if he r she also comes from a violent family..All we can do is be there for the abused person..and convince them to leave.
@Kalyni2011 (3503)
• India
20 Apr 11
My answer is a big NO, I am married since 1968, we have differences of opinion, disagreements but never he hit me, i just wonder how a man can hit his beloved lol.. Thanks for sharing Happy posting, cheers. Namastey. Kalyani
1 person likes this
@lady1993 (16863)
• Philippines
22 Apr 11
My parents are like that too- they fight almost every day, just little fights but it never came to physical violence, I'm really fortunate to have them as parents. And you're lucky to have that kind of husband too.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
20 Apr 11
Nob ody deserves t be abused. Nobody should have to live in that kind of a situation. I could npt see myself staying with anyone who caused me physical harm. No relationship like that would be worth it.
@lady1993 (16863)
• Philippines
21 Apr 11
es, no one deserves to be abused... Even if how much the couple loves each other, if they start to hurt each other then I doubt that the love is real at all.. They should see if they are really for each other, if they continue to hurt each other they should just separate.
@jojo732 (295)
20 Apr 11
Hi I would never stay with someone who hit me,some people stay with an abuser because of children,or they feel they have nowhere to go, or sadder still they are afraid to be alone. I feel that if an abuser gets away with abuse once,they will feel they can do it again and again. jojo732
1 person likes this
@lady1993 (16863)
• Philippines
21 Apr 11
I agree with you, no one will continue to be an abuser if no one will agree to be abused... But there are lots of reasons too why the abused can't fight back, it's just so sad..
• India
20 Apr 11
Yeah it could be definitely dangerous staying with a person who tortures you and beats you often. But if somebody does it without intent but out of stress and anger once in a bluemoon, it better you talk to them and help them in controlling their anger before they do something extremely bad.
1 person likes this
@lady1993 (16863)
• Philippines
21 Apr 11
Yes, people can do scary things when they are angry or drunk... And i do agree hat if he or she only did that once or twice, then the couple should talk since there is still a chance to save the relationship.
@katrinapaz (2438)
• Philippines
20 Apr 11
i have been a victim of domestic violence. My ex boyfriend used to hit me in the arms and legs and sometimes in the face. I loved him so much that i endured all of it for about 2 years. When my parents found out about it because i was having a black eye, they separated us. I did not want to but then as i thought of it, i did want to save my future so i separated from him. DOnt let that happen to you. Find a guy who can love and respect you. Guys are not supposed to hurt women.
1 person likes this
@lady1993 (16863)
• Philippines
21 Apr 11
yes, women are supposed to be respected and cared for. Good thing you allowed your parents to separate you from him, all they want is what's best for you. I hoe would find some guy who is nice.
@SIMPLYD (78759)
• Philippines
20 Apr 11
When your partner hits you, it is a warning that he could do more the next time he gets angry. When that happens love goes out of the window and hatred replaces love. Sometimes you like to get even, so it's better to leave in order not to further aggravate the situation by retaliation.
1 person likes this
@lady1993 (16863)
• Philippines
21 Apr 11
Yes, it would be almost impossible to love someone who hurts you, and instead of love all the person will feel is hatred- so before the abused person feels so much hatred and wants to hurt the abuser, he or she should just leave.
@stanley777 (7177)
• Philippines
20 Apr 11
Yeah, sometimes men are unpredictable I particularly picked them because they have all the capability.It's easy to say that if the husband hits the wife her first impulse is to leave the husband because most probably it will happen again if they live together.But there are some who prefers to stay because of their children and some do because of love while others wants their family in tact.
@lady1993 (16863)
• Philippines
22 Apr 11
Yes, I also think it is more likely for men to hurt women though. Yes, the children is really the glue of the family, and sometimes the only reason why the parents still stay together.
• China
20 Apr 11
it's so terrible that i barely can stand that situation happened,no matter for what reason i think raise a hand to somebody is a rude and barbarous performance yes if there is once there will be twice or more happen
1 person likes this
@lady1993 (16863)
• Philippines
20 Apr 11
Yes, there is no reason at all to try and hurt someone- either physically or emotionally. It is disrespectful and inhuman. Let's just hope no one ever does that anymore- they usually do it when they're drunk.
• Indonesia
20 Apr 11
i won't!! knowing that someone will hurt me is making me frightened. i want to make my future is bright with someone that responsible n protect me with love & good attitude.
@lady1993 (16863)
• Philippines
20 Apr 11
Yeah, it would definitely be frightening, because you never know when you're going to get hit again. I also hope to find a nice guy like my father that would never hit me.
@tlb0822 (1412)
• United States
20 Apr 11
I would absolutely be long gone if my spouse ever hit me or abused my children. Thankfully I have a wonderful husband who barely even raises his voice when he is angry. I find it sad that women decide to stay with men that abuse them, and men who stay with women who abuse them. I know of both situations and just don't understand their thinking. I know that they say they are afraid to be alone, but I would rather be alone then endure someone who "loves" me making me their punching bag. I just wish people who go through this would stand up for themselves and leave before it gets out of control.
1 person likes this
@lady1993 (16863)
• Philippines
20 Apr 11
I have seen some situations on tv about abusive spouses and there are some reasons why they choose to stay, but some of them ask help from NGOs like Gabriela and Women's Desk. I am also very thankful because I have a great father.
@jaiho2009 (39021)
• Philippines
20 Apr 11
I also do not understand why some women/men can stand with partners who physically hurt them. (yes,even men are physically been abused too) One reason is,the woman is not financially stable and depend on the partner that is why she preferred to stay and endure all the beatings,sometimes even the kids are being hurt physically too. I don't think there is love in this kind of situation...some might say,yes it is because of love that is why they keep/stay in such relationship. If this ever happens to me,i would never had any second thought of leaving. Why should i stay in a relationship with all the hurt and beatings. If he my partner can't respect me...then i will respect myself...the best thing i could do. Have a good day always
1 person likes this
@lady1993 (16863)
• Philippines
21 Apr 11
There are lots of reasons why some people stay with their partners, I have mentioned some and some users here also mentioned other reasons.. And yes, people should respect their rights, and other's rights too- by nor harming them.