being financially dependent on someone is scary!
By misc11
@misc11 (384)
United States
April 20, 2011 4:29pm CST
Do you feel comfortable being financially dependent on someone? I quit my job a couple months back because I was not happy and my boyfriend does well and said I don't have to go back to work if I don't want to, and I feel like a lot of people would be fine in this situation and feel comfortable with it, but I am not at all. I don't know if I have too much pride or what the problem is, but I don't want him to pay for me, and don't feel comfortable not having my own money. He wanted to put me on his bank account and I didnt want that. I want to keep our account and money separate. I completely trust this guy and know we will get married, and this got me thinking, what am I going to do when we get married because I can't see myself ever being comfortable with this. I thought I would be a housewife, but I am starting to have doubts about this. How do you feel about being financially dependent on someone?
2 people like this
9 responses
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
20 Apr 11
I completely understand your feeling. Having worked for so long myself and being able to take care of everything by myself I too would not be comfortable. However, it sounds like you two have a good relationship thus far, it may be advisable to speak to him and let him know how you feel about the dependency area.
It is understandable to live in a one family unit type of relationship, but in order to do so you have to be comfortable and both have to have the same mutual understanding as to what yours is mine, and what is mine is yours. Therefore, let him know and maybe with what he does and or will give you in terms of money you both can agree that at some point you would like your own separate bank account, provided you both agree.
Best of luck and wishing you well.
1 person likes this
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
21 Apr 11
HI hard working gurl: First of all thanks for sharing with us your experience. I think as you do that is always comfortable to have control of these things. I am single so everything is easier for me but I can understand how you feel and I hope that with a conversation the boyfriend of our friend would understand the situation.
ALVARO
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
21 Apr 11
Hi misc: I value my financial independence and I understand your worries. You just have to talk to your boyfriend and possibly future husband and tell him that you don't feel comfortable because you enjoy to feel the power to know that you have the money to buy all your needs. You can also tell him that you know that you can count of him but it's really satisfying to do some thing by your own. I hope he understand your point of view.
ALVARO
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
21 Apr 11
Hi starsailover 
Absolutely I agree with you too because with a calm discussion many understandings can come about. As you I do hope our friend and her boyfriend can come to a mutual agreement. Because she is asking it appears she loves and cares for him, so we will wish her all the best. 
Absolutely I agree with you too because with a calm discussion many understandings can come about. As you I do hope our friend and her boyfriend can come to a mutual agreement. Because she is asking it appears she loves and cares for him, so we will wish her all the best. @qianlizhifeng (468)
• China
21 Apr 11
Happiness comes from more than money.Nowadays,I think most of us don't want to depend on others,especially finacially.It will bring us some unhappiness not to ear money by ourselves for a long time.So you'd better find a job which doesn't take up too much your daily life so that you will have time to stay with your boyfriend,if you want to earn your own money.
@piya84 (2581)
• India
21 Apr 11
It depends upon your personality.I am the type of person who freaks out by idea of being financially dependent on any one even if its my husband.
You can sit at home and earn money online or do a part time job till baby is not in picture.It will preserve your freedom little bit atlist.
@Cutie18f (9551)
• Philippines
21 Apr 11
I consider myself a very independent person. I want to be able to go around and buy what I want to buy. I don't want to wait for someone to give me money before I can buy what I want. I think I am too much of a leader or a boss that I do not want anyone to be making decisions for me just because it's their money.
@dellahappy (260)
• China
21 Apr 11
i toally have the same feeling with you,i think it should not happen between me and my parents not even to mention between a someone i don't know whether i will marry to,that makes feel guity.i think since i have grown up and i should own money to support myself and pay my filial duty,i know lots of people still accustomed to stretch out their hands to their parents.i won the scholarship during my college and do as much as i can to keep finacilly independent.and i will also feel uncomfortable to spend other people's money,as if i have to do something for him in exchange...
@Angelgirl16 (2171)
• United States
21 Apr 11
I think you know there is a big difference when it comes to community property when you are married than when you are just a girlfriend. You really have not legal position to his finances while you are not married and if something were to happen to him you have no legal right to say anything about his care. I think if you feel uncomfortable about relying on him exclusively, I think you should maintain your independence, until you get married.Even then, I think you both should maintain some sense of financial independence, at least that is what the financial experts recommend. Having a household account, and then each have a separate personal account. This is just in case the relationship goes bust, one can't clean out the bank account leaving the other person with noting. I think you should follow your instincts.
@Chickenscratch (29)
• United States
20 Apr 11
Just because you get married doesn't mean you shouldn't have your own (in your name only)savings/checking account. In fact having a separate one is advised because if something would happen to your spouse, and you only have an account with his or both of your names on it, you cannot necessarily have immediate access to those funds. I had a separate account for years and currently don't have anything but a joint account. I think it is very risky on my part, but for reasons beyond my control, I cannot get an account just for me. As soon as I can though, I will! Being financially dependent on someone stinks. I know because I am currently in that situation!
@whatrow (792)
• United States
20 Apr 11
I get money from my sister every month. Before that, my late sister kept paying for my needs. I hate it! I feel I have a responsibilty to take care of my own needs with money I have earned, not with handouts. But the reality is, I am not able to earn that kind of money. I cope with this unacceptable situation by reasoning that what they are sending me now, I would have received as an inheritance later.
