Longdistance friendship

Netherlands
May 4, 2011 4:52am CST
Hi mylotters, A good friend of mine is living far away from me but I considder her as my best friend. Now the issue is I've not seen her for a few months because she have some problems and I told her to give her some time for herself. Now I had her on the phone yesterday and whe had an appointment that was 4 times cancelled. And now she said she wanne cancel again the new appointment and don't know when she had the time to see me and it will take more then 3 months because she is not feeling well. She also told me that she not always see me so more months is not an issue. The thing is I also have a bussy agenda but for her I make time, she is on top of mine free time with friends. I find this very confusing, tell me what do you think about this?
13 responses
• United States
4 May 11
Hey there, Don't fret too much, allow time to bring you two together. She may have legitimate reasoning but if she does not take time out then simply allow time to bring your schedules together. Next time a meet is set allow her to set the date and maybe since it has been customary that she cancels do not set to much effort on it or say to her are you sure because I will be setting the time and since you always cancel, I just want to be sure that I don't waste the time. If she really wants to meet she will keep the time open and not cancel so many times.
• Netherlands
5 May 11
Hi Hardworkinggurl, how are you?? Bussy??? Thanks for your comment. Yes I know time is important and sometimes we dont have the time for others. Yeah I know that cause Ive been there. Now I know what people feel when others have taken time for themselves. But I missed here and hope this friendship will last. For me I will focus on myself and other friends and when she wants she can make an appointment. I give her all the space. Thanks.
• United States
5 May 11
Sad that she agrees to the plans and then leaves you to wait for her. Don't feel bad, just know that your time applied elsewhere will be much more appreciated. Thanks for my BR.
• China
5 May 11
My best friend is far away from me too, we gratuated form the same university,and then we went back to our own city,we havn't seen each other for almost 3 years,we talked on line,when we met big problems we called each other,we've been thinking to get a chance to see each other,but we always have our own agenda,and it's really a long distance,it takes two days and one night for train,and we don't have so much free time.
• Netherlands
5 May 11
Hi Summer, Its nice to hear that you and your friend understand each other about the friendship. thanks for your comment
@_sketch_ (5711)
• United States
4 May 11
"No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other's worth." ~Roberty Southey
• Netherlands
5 May 11
Well written, I think thats true.
@sabhari05 (263)
• India
4 May 11
Hay I feel Friendship is not meant for seeing if you have a good Friendship even after 20 years without seeing your friend your friendship would be same because I felt the same a very good friend of me Have to go to some other place so we are unable to see we are busy in studies so we have less contact but still he is my best friend.
• Netherlands
5 May 11
Hi Sabhari, Iam with you, but you know what happend with my old friend I did not see her for years. She was mad because we did not have seen each other for years. The relationship ended. It was not possible for me to see her cause sircumstances. I thought she knew and understand my situation. For me she was my heart and never doubted about the relationship. But she changed and thats why I doubded about what Iam supose to do with this situation. Now I make time for others even with all my responsiblities. If you ask me I also think I dont have to see all my friends all the time because just like you I love them with all my heart.
@cieldz (711)
• Indonesia
4 May 11
hello Delicious36... :) i have a good friend just like yours... we were college friends and we graduated together... but after each of us have our own job, we rarely meet each other... she always text me first saying that she missed me a lot and make an appointment to meet after work... but everytime she made an appointment, she always canceled it by herself, and never told me that she canceled the appointment... i sent messages and called her phone but she didnt pick my phone or reply my messages... after few hours waiting, i decided to go home.. and then in the middle of the night or maybe few days later she replied my messages said “sorry, i forgot” thats it, just 3 words... and she did it not only once, but almost 50 times.. she made the appointment and then canceled it by herself without told me, and only say “sorry, i forgot”.. but i cannot mad to her cos she’s one of my good friends too...
• Netherlands
5 May 11
Hi Cieldz, sorry to hear that your friend is not even calling you up to cancel an appointment. But maybe you could ask her about it and in the future she make the call so you don't waste your time waiting. So you keep your friendship together.
• Philippines
4 May 11
Hmmm... That's quite a dilemma you got there. You seem to be the one exerting too much effort in your friendship. But friendship shouldn't be that way as far as I know. I do have a few friends that I don't get to see for months especially since we do have some really busy schedules. But if I'm in town or anyone of them is available and it happens that I can let go of some of my tasks for the day, then I try my best to spend time with them even just over dinner or something. Maybe, this long distance kind of friendship is difficult for both of you. Don't pressure your friend into meeting with you. Just let her know that you are always there for her and that you would hope to spend time with each other soon. Sending some messages and calling isn't that bad and maybe, when things would all go your way, you'd have so many catching up to do that a day or a week isn't enough.
• Netherlands
5 May 11
Hi Penrockerchick, Thanks for the advice. Meanwhile I focus on my other friends and your right about the pressure....I will leave here alone and see when she has the time.
@mods196621 (3631)
• Philippines
4 May 11
Don't be confused coz sometimes time is not always with us. Like what had happen to your friend's time she almost not have even for herself i think. So just pray to have more time then to do all the task and needed to do on time.
• Netherlands
5 May 11
Hi Mods, yeah I know how it is somethimes not have enough time. I will be patient!
• India
4 May 11
There isnt much to be worried about. She might be really busy and that might be the reason why she has been cancelling all your meetings. It is pointless to be sad about that. If she considers you as her true friend then she will find time for you and will come to you in the near future. Everybody is busy with their life and finding time for friends is very difficult no matter how close friends you guys are. If she ever considered you as her friend dont worry. Distance doesnt matter in friendship. What does matter is heart.
• Netherlands
5 May 11
Hi Rajiv, yess I will keep that in mind, I will give her more space and waith when evrythings clears up. Thanks for your comment.
@eyalw321 (28)
• Israel
21 May 11
if your friend has no time for you then why continue the relationship
@flapiz (4151)
• Australia
8 May 11
Well I think that distance doesn't matter as long as you still consider each other as friends by heart. I think the best way to solve this problem is just to pray for your friend so that she might have easier times ahead of her. And well just be patient with her and tell her you understand and that you'd always be there if she ever needs help. According to a song I've heard " Friends are quiet angels..."
• India
5 May 11
If she can't meet atleast you can go home and meet her. You call her and take her address. If she doesn't give you number, it means she is not interested.....
• Philippines
5 May 11
It's pretty simple, let her feel what she is letting you feel about her
• India
5 May 11
don't worry my friend.she might be really busy with work .if she is a true friend of yours then she will definitely find time to meet you.if she is your friend why do you wait for her appointment? just make a visit...........:-)