What am I missing?

Philippines
May 26, 2011 12:37pm CST
After 3 failed relationships, I am beginning to doubt myself if I am capable of getting and maintaining and hopefully lasting relationship. I could say that I have "fine tuned" myself after ending the first and second relationship. I came to believe that I was the "best me" during the last relationship that I had but I guess even the "best of me" is not enough to keep it. I have been more trusting, more receptive, more understanding, more giving, and have opened my soul to this last guy but still -- heartbreak. I'm at lost and don't know where to start picking up myself again. It seems that everything is hopeless. I am asking, what am I missing?
9 responses
@arshan18 (51)
• Philippines
27 May 11
you don't have to change yourself just to be liked by someone or sustain a relationship. but if you are altering your characteristics because you feel that you are the one who is lacking in your past relationship, it is a good thing. because you are realizing that you have your own mistakes. but being the "best me", as you have said, better stay with that outlook in life. you are the one who really knows yourself very well. you don't have to force yourself to change just because you are thinking that you are the reason why your past relationships are not working the way it should be. maybe it is your partner's fault. you know relationship is all about acceptance. accepting each other and being contented. if he can't accept you, then he don't deserve you. it's just a matter of patience to find your special someone. so just stay with the "BEST YOU". don't change it anymore. because the best is yet to come. :)
• Philippines
28 May 11
The best is yet to come!!!!! That lifted my spirit up. Thanks for your kind words.
• Philippines
28 May 11
i am glad that my words really helped you. cheer up! :)
@thanks1961 (7035)
• India
26 May 11
Yes, some times things are like this and we cannot even find out where the problems is. Try the root cause of all failures and identify where is required the change. At what point the split starts and what you hurt your partner too much. If you know that you are really error free, people must be simply 'using' and ignoring. Even after our dedicated love and opening up our heart to others, and they simply throw, then no doubt they are just utilising you and don't even give chances for it. Love and appreciate their love and try to understand and cooperate, some time it will help you in the future. However, people are different at time and we should have the power to understand other and be careful on don't give all at front and be reserved for some time, it will help in future. All the best and regards, Thank-s
• Philippines
26 May 11
"then no doubt they are just utilising you" that hit me through and through. Thank you for the response.
• India
27 May 11
If you really felt it, go ahead with a correction and determination. It will perhaps help you better. However, after all we all are human beings and it is not a mistake that we look for care and attention. And finally, when it get ignored, we will really get hurt. Good luck, Thank-s
• Philippines
27 May 11
I think you don’t miss anything. Everything happens for a reason and perhaps GOD has a better plan for you. With 3 failed relationships, I do believe that it does not end there. Sometimes, we encountered trials whether it would be a family, personal, or relationship matter. The good thing about this is we learned something from it. We will not learn if we don’t fail. When we fail, we adjust ourselves, then we try to correct it. Right now, you should see the main reason why your past relationship has failed. I don’t want to judge because I do not know your whole story but it seems that your ex-bf does not love you that much from your last relationship. For whatever is the reason, you should still move on and keep doing the right thing. You have loved someone whom you think is really worth for you but at the end you still felt heartbreak. GOD is there always for you and you will still find a very good person who is truly worth keeping, the man that will love you with all his heart, cherish you, and appreciate you for who you are in all his life. Don’t lose hope and cheer up. Happy mylotting!
• Philippines
28 May 11
I am still young, I am still young!!! (sort of thinking myself to a positive note). Thanks for the encouraging words.
@yspmyl (3435)
• Malaysia
27 May 11
To start a relationship is not easy and to maintain a relationship is even more difficult. Actually when come to relationship, both of you have the responsibility to make it better. Love is blind, when both of you together for a longer period, you will step into a cool down period where you will start to found out the weakness of your partner and you will start to complain and sometime even argue. That is really common. Having a relationship can let you learn how to live with the other person who were brought up from a totally different environment, the thinking and attitude will also be so much different. That is why when you really look at each others weaknesses, you will found many. So, if you really like someone and want to maintain the relationship, you need to give and take about many thing. If you are young enough, you can always look for someone else if the one is not suitable for you. That is what life is.
• Philippines
28 May 11
To start a relationship - not easy. To maintain a relationship - more difficult. After a relationship -- most difficult. After a long time after a failed relationship -- New beginning (hope this time will last) Thanks.
@jayen28 (84)
27 May 11
Missing? your soul mate is still missing maybe you never find him. when you in love try to love yourself first before anything else and wait the right time and right man that distiny give it to you. I understand that every relationship is painful but after that if you find the right man for you there is happiness waiting in the other side so don't be tired of waiting of true love. I hope that you'll find it. Good Luck and God Bless
• Philippines
28 May 11
I am crossing my fingers, jayen. I am hoping to find him or he finds me.
27 May 11
what are you missing ?? let me guess , matured thinking maybe . or maybe , some , learning from what you had been through ,you know , to fail three times in a relationship , thats really long n alot , depends on how many years or month you with him ,of course , to start a new one , first , dont rush , relax ,try to communicate with the guy you want , know him better , know him really really well , know how is his heart , and if that suit you , so do the guy , try making a relationship , think positive ,think forward ,and if there is a problem , try settle with discussion with him ,dont panic ,dont get carried by your feeling ,sit down ,take a deep breath ,and try to talk ,if that is your problem ,try the best to ask help from him,usually the guy that love his woman , would try helping ,even if his doesnt know what to do, that show that he want to be at your eyes ,worth looking ,but , if that guy have a problem ,cool him first ,then try to talk , hope what i've been saying will help u a little bit , atleast , ;D
• Philippines
28 May 11
Thanks for the advice.
• Philippines
27 May 11
Don't blame yourself for everything that's happened. I wanted to ask why the last one was a heartbreak but that would be too much. If you're sure of yourself and that you gave it your best, why worry? You did your part as a good girlfriend, so it's not your lost at all. Easier said than done but I have been a believer to this principle in life, "If something's good, be grateful. If you feel like you lost something, look at it as the universe's way of saying: I have a better plan for you ahead." Keep us posted. See you around!
• Philippines
28 May 11
I get your point. The thing is even if how much I convince myself that I have done my part, still, that's not enough to make me not feel this way. After all, it is the pain that is really putting me down. "I have a better plan for you ahead." I like that, that put a smile on my face. Thanks!
@BambiDee (114)
27 May 11
With how I understand your side, I think you're doing fine girl. Maybe those boys just weren't the right ones for you. You're not missing anything. THEY are the one who missed a special girl. Stay strong. Love will come. It'll just happen when it happens. A man who truly loves his woman will stay and appreciate everything she does. Unfortunately, those guys who had a relationship with you didn't see anything on you and it's their loss, not yours...:)
• Philippines
28 May 11
I hope I can get over this soon and feel the way you are describing. Thanks so much.
@lajonez (477)
• Poland
26 May 11
Don't worry, you're missing nothing, is not about you.. is about them, they were not good enough to apreciate this what you were giving, but you shouldn't think something is wrong with you, this can cost you problems in future when you'll meet the right guy!
• Philippines
26 May 11
thank you so much for the kind words. i appreciate it.