..why can't my parents trust me?

Philippines
June 18, 2011 2:06am CST
I know that there is also a forever strain in the relationship called parents and children. In my situation, parents seem to get an ounce of trust placed in me, especially issues involving money. My parents now lived in another province but we (the children) now live via a passive income method. Unfortunately, that money goes directly to my aunt, who in my parent's opinion, is more capable in dispensing that money. I understand my parent's logic but my aunt (as well as my parents) seems to have another idea when it comes to spending. See, they (the adults) grew up in a not-so-prosperous economic times and they practice strict budgeting. I completely understand that. Over the years, as I grew up, I understand their perspective and began emulating them as well. However, they seem not to understand when to spend money. We often had to wait after 2 or 3 months (as much it can stretch) just to pay the utilities because according to my aunt, 'it doesn't need to paid straight away'. Also, my aunt always deposits all of the passive income when she does knows that we need to pay for some services and spend something for the food (we try to stock on everything when we do grocery shopping becuase I have no idea when we will do grocery shopping again). Unknown to them, I have gone a little mature when it comes to money. I know how to save and budget but I also know to have some leisure as well (it's my money anyway and I earned every cent of it). The thing is my aunt always try to squeeze herself to benefit from what I earn. She would ask me if we can go shopping, but I'm the one paying for the fares. For me, it's downright ridiculous when she knows that the money is just sitting pretty in the bank! I don't get this kind of behavior at all. That's why I don't intend to ask money from her if I can help it. Can somebody please make sense of this?
1 person likes this
4 responses
• Philippines
18 Jun 11
Can I ask how old are you now and why is it that you are with your aunt? Sorry if it sounds a lot interrogating you but if you really are old enough to handle and live on your own, I guess your folks might have as well agreed the fact that you can handle it on your own without the help of your aunt. Maybe they are feeling at ease when you are with your aunt and as well as your aunt to take care of you financially when it comes to budgeting the money. If you are still a student, well your parents will be subjecting you to follow your aunt and their ways of how they handle the money. But if you are already working and on your own, I guess you are old enough to rent a place to where you work and handle your own expenses without your parents help. But I think you are still studying and that is why, your parents needed your aunt to look after you and even take care of your finances.
• Philippines
18 Jun 11
I am a young adult and even though some people consider me young, I grew up pretty fast. I consider myself mature since my parents aren't always out the picture due to their work. I learned how to live by myself (that means learn, amuse and do almost everything). I am working (something that my parents also refuse to acknowledge since mine is not a 'stable' job). I understand that my aunt is perhaps better in taking care of things. My beef is she is holding out money when we need to spend. Sometimes, I'm the one who pays just to keep things running. And my aunt, as stingy as she can, sometimes refuses to reimburse me for the costs. I think this is unfair. She downplays my contribution and when I'm need of cash, she acts like I'm spending the money for no good reason. Even though my reasons are valid enough. The thing is she sometimes abuses her position. She always accuse us (the younger generation) of spending too much. I believe that is you work hard for your money, it's nobody business how you spend it as long as spend it wisely. Did I mention, she always asks how much money I have every time I get a paycheck? That's totally out of her business.
• Philippines
18 Jun 11
then tell her..that's not of her business. I don't even asked about my brothers check nor how they are spending..
• Philippines
20 Jun 11
I try to tell her with so many times that I lose count. We (the younger generation) have a running theory that she's trying to put down an estimate of our combined net worth. My cousin once pointed out that she might use the information to lecture us about saving money, which we do on our own. I think she thinks the question as an endearment or just for teasing or baiting. But for me, it's increasing annoying. I don't like people knowing too much of my personal affairs - especially my money.
• Philippines
18 Jun 11
Hello jeanne, The situation between you're Aunt's behavior has struck my attention, I think this is very unfair to you. who is richer? you ore you're Aunt? but to be honest i think what she's doing is wrong taking and using you're money while she saves her own butt bux. when is she planning to pay back gratitude and spend something for you instead? if none, then i suggest you avoid going shopping with her. you know, let her know that you need to PAY BILLS on TIME and NOT DELAY It for two or three months. MOST SPECIALLY IF ITs WATER and ELECTRICITY. I can only think she's selfish..maybe you should be strict with money too enough to convince her that she can't squeeze benefit from YOU
• Philippines
20 Jun 11
Technically, my family (particular, my mother and father) can be considered richer than her's. However, there are happy living in the province near the mountain and I don't want to wish to disrupt their second honeymoon (grins). I often complain to my mother since she was the one who requested that my aunt handle the money matters. I understand her decision and she tries to negotiate the matter between the two of us. She often said that my aunt was the stingy one in their family. On my parent's last visit, we have finally came to a complete understanding. If I ever have to pay for any bills, my mother will reimburse me instead of my aunt (since I don't have the patience to continue nagging her for reimbursement of expenses). That also means that my aunt won't get her commission of the rent. I hope this works. I am too tired to complain and understand adults. I have other problems of my own (like earning some personal cash) without them complicating my life.
@gEa_88 (67)
• Philippines
18 Jun 11
wow, I know everything seemed right from the start but as you went along, it just didn't feel right anymore. For me, you should have a serious private talk with your parents. But first, make sure you haven't recently done any deeds that could make them mistrust you. If you do, better clear it out with them first.You gotta prove to your parents you are one responsible person. Trust has always been there but it's even better when earned.Make a deal with them to at least give you a chance to prove that like saying "try me.." and like you have been learning budgeting from them. Or you could suggest that money for other stuff could be sent to aunt But! your pocket money should be sent to you directly. It's one way of telling them, I'll start it from this little amount and make sure you manage it well. And somehow, maybe in the future, all money matters will be trusted to you in the right time. Always remember, you are the direct child, in blood, and not some relative. Have confidence in gaining their trust. Goodluck! Justice is on your side. tc.
@dong88 (796)
• China
18 Jun 11
Hello!In fact,I also have you similar things.For my parents,I sometimes very helpless,because no matter how well I do,it seems they are not satisfied.I therefore very distressed.Now I have to admit that such a phenomenon,this seems to be doomed.The only thing I can do is continue to love them,no matter how they to me. Bless you!