Almost ended life..

United States
June 20, 2011 3:43pm CST
I have to say last night was probably one of the scariest moments of my life. I've been depressed since I can remember but I've never gone to get help for it. That is until now. Last night I got severely depressed.I said goodbye to my friends on Facebook and left the house to kill myself. The first place I went was a nature trail by my house. And I just stood there knee deep in water crying. I knew something in my life was about to change and I didn't know what to do. I thought of my siblings. All six of them without a sister. Without nanny as I'm called by the young ones. I thought about my parents and my boyfriend. How horrible I would make their lives if I took my own. So I didn't do it. I couldn't. I didn't even cut. I just cried. Little did I know since I had my phone off was everyone in my life was calling me. Everyone was worried. After that I went up to a new place where they are building houses, had dinner and watched the sunset. It made me feel so alive. More then ever. Blasting my music, starting crying again lol. But that was were I stayed until like 10pm. Listening to music, screaming the lyrics, and thanking god I didn't kill myself. When I got home my boyfriend was beside himself. We talked, we cried, we kissed. I think last night I hit my true rock bottom. And I guess now there's only one way to go but up. I'm finding a physiologist to talk to. I need to get better.
4 people like this
6 responses
@toniganzon (53688)
• Philippines
21 Jun 11
God bless your soul. You can consider this as your second chance in life. Maybe at that very moment God was whispering to you and making you fee you are loved. You are lucky to be blessed with a family and a boyfriend. You should be thankful everyday for the life that you have now. All the people surrounding you love you.
• China
21 Jun 11
We have to face all the difficulties and changes that life has already laid there.I just graduated from my university and had to say goodbye to my dear friends.Even boys in my class cried cause we do love each other and we really want to be the forever part of our friends life.But time to leave.I love them,so I choose to live happily ,and in that case i still have the chance to see them one day.Just think more about your family,your friends,then you will know how rich you are.Your life means more to those who love you!Take good care of yourself for all the people you love and who love you!!!
@jameygc (453)
• United States
20 Jun 11
Is really good to hear that you chose to live. Live is so short and no matter how bad you think things are going, every day has something amazing to enjoy. I am pretty sure your family is very grateful to have you. We all have those days we feel depressed and not useful at all. But the best thing God made was one day after another. If one day you feel sad, just wait, something amazing can happen the next day. I am so glad you are still here. Look for some help is a very wise decision. I hope everything start change for good in your life.
@ladybug565 (2217)
• United States
20 Jun 11
I'm glad that you decided not to do it and that you decided to get help. Depression can be impossible to handle on your own even with people who love and care about you in your life. Good luck I hope that you get better.
@Masihi (4227)
• Canada
20 Jun 11
I'm really glad that you've decided to stay with us on Earth, it takes a very strong person like you to not give up and to reach out for help. It seems like you have so many people caring for you and willing to support you, that's awesome. I, too, have depression and also anxiety disorder, it's a hard road, but once you get treatment you'll be able to reach out to others and comfort them, just as you're comforted now. Keep on truckin', girl!
• United States
20 Jun 11
Wow, I'm really glad that you didn't follow through. It would've been horrible to leave behind loving siblings and a loving boyfriend. I'm glad you re-thought everything and all of the ones that would miss you And it's great that you're going to look for help too, instead of just coping with your depression by yourself. I wish you the best of luck!!!