How do you deal with blame?
July 3, 2011 10:36am CST
My younger brother blamed me for pushing him to move out. He often scolds me for putting my pads inside the house bin and told me to throw it out. Toilet should close the door and room also must close the door. He said I am stinks. Often when he's at home I could not go down because he will go up and hide in his room. I admit in the past I have been letting my anger to him. This time when I got ill, its him to punish me back for this. Mum and dad supported him. That makes me real sad. I wanted to leave the house but I am unable to support myself. My bro said I am making an excuse to not work for depression, but in reality I suffer from this a time and no one really understands me. I opt for flexible and he's against it. Like yesterday he came back and stay overnight, today morning he shouts again. I don't know what is wrong with him and my heart aches everytime he shouts.
2 people like this
4 Jul 11
Hi Choi Yee Leaving the house would not solve your problems. Whatever your family members say to you, just close one eye. Hear one side and let it go out the other side. Just keep doing your flexible job to support yourself. Whenever your brother is around, just avoid him and try to stay in your room until he leaves. I hope all goes well with you, dear.
4 Jul 11
Good day Wongchoiyee, It is really hard to deal in a situation such as who is to blame. As there are times, you are not the one who did it wrong. I remember my childhood days then, since I am the eldest, everytime, my brother and two sisters did something wrong, I was the one blame by my parents especially my dad. And all of the punishment was being given to me. Just like what you have written, I always told myself during those times, that I want to leave our house since I was the one who always puts on blame though I did not do any wrong. Nevertheless, I end up saying those lines "that I want to leave our house". What I did during those times, I always go to my cousin's house and stay there overnight just to have a piece of mind. With that little move, I somehow have my mind relaxed. And somehow think properly on how to deal with the situation. Hope you will somehow get a way of relaxation for yourself. As there are times, if we are into the situation, we cannot think properly. As we sometimes need some space and to breathe some fresh air. Have a nice day to you.
4 Jul 11
Its kind very hurting to hear all this. Well i think about your brother is just tolerate the way he is give him some time show some politeness dont just leave the house, For just few days to whatever what you brother says iam not saying to listen to every word that he speaks out but just avoid the things that makes him trouble dont talk to him angrily. Listen God is watching everyone and he will surely help you in your situation. Just for few days make a better environment and then after things are cool down talk to your brother and speak on the topic if your having some trouble. Iam sure he will get to know your problem and will take things seriously. So be calm and be patient in your nature. Things will probably work out better for you.
4 Jul 11
Sometimes it happens that everyone would feel to go away from the home.Just leave everything behind and start the living by our selves.However once we leave then we shall find that we have no one anymore to support or to guide us.We ourselves become masters and teachers of everything.So if u have the ability to earn for urself you can leave the home and make ur way to depend on urself.Definetly god helps . If you get a way then it is good for you only and not for anyone of ur family.Not even to your brother or parents. You can decide urself each and everything.Only the thing needed is earning,because we need a home to be either it can be a hostel any room.We need food ,clothing and money for any future needs.We can not say that always we are in a safe position,we dont know what is our future.We should always be careful for everything of life.If not we would be the persons to suffer a lot. No one does need anything just they are only for some reasons with us,it is our own self which gets either hurt or happy , anything which we want to make our self happy or sad for the things going on us due to the others ,everything it is we who have to take it . If we feel sad and pain it s only pain to us not others.Others who might had caused us the pain will be just feeling that they are telling for our good.God knows what is good and what is bad really.Just be brave and try to help urself.
4 Jul 11
Leaving your home is not the best answer to the problem. Ignore him, I know how hard it is but you have to try. Try to enroll in a new interesting hobby to keep you that busy. You're older than him and I think that's an advantage. Your brother might be facing a frustration that he can't fight back so the result? He put all his frustrations to you. If you can start to find it out, I think your problem will be solve. I have heard same cases with you from my friends. You know what they did? They treat their brothers and do every good deeds they should have to do to win their brothers' attention and love. I don't know whether its a magic or a miracle but they ended up happily. He is your brother, there is still a strong connection that binds you. Don't feel bad.
4 Jul 11
wongchoiyee, Seems like he has some frustrations about things not turning out the way he wants or even likes. Besides letting him learn that life just doesn't always come out how or what we want and like - it just ain't perfect. So, I would really encourage you to find the right moment to speak to him and ask what exactly is troubling him. People just need to find some way to relieve themselves from the frustrating part of it. At the same time, try to find better ways to dispose your pads and keeping toilet doors shut as a habit. You may even spray the toilet with some of his favorite scented aerosols. I know it can be daunting but I don't think you can ever be able to reach for the sky here when we keep looking on the ground.
3 Jul 11
Hey i know you are sufering a lot.But never take decisions like leaving home. You will have to solve the problem on your own. Try to admit whatever your brother says for a few days. Let him have a feeling that you care for him and you accept his opinion. and I dont think these bathroom problems and all are wrong on his side. Change yourself and make your brother and parents think that you obey them. They will changetheir attitude towards you once you do this.Wait for the problem to get solved. After that you talk to them how they hurted you. They wont do such things after that. Just give a try and feel the change yaar.