Parents+ Boyfriend = NO

Vienna, Austria
July 4, 2011 7:11am CST
hi my lotters! i am a teen age i am 19 years old female, i leave here in our country but my parents are not with me they are in abroad. My mom told me that i can have a boyfriend but i should have the limitation, but i just told them that i know my limitation my Facebook account, status relation ship changed into in a relation ship when my parents saw it they just ask me if i have a boyfriend or not,so i just refuse and told them that i don't have, when they are browsing the net my parents saw the our pictures in one of the account of my friend there are some pictures in there that me and my boyfriend are eating, they do overseas call and they got mad, told me that if i would be pregnant they will not help me, and also my dad criticize my boyfriend because he is wearing an eyeglass. they think negative, they do not have trust . When we go to the mall me and my cousin went out with my boyfriend and when we go home my little cousin told to my grandfather that i have a boyfriend so my grand father told it to my parents AGAIN June 20 2011 when my parents came home here in our country and they will stay here in 3 months. My Parents didn't mention about my boyfriend, but there are times that they are opening some topics about me and my boyfriend i have a difficult now. me and my boyfriend cannot meet up because we are afraid maybe they will saw us, i also planned to broke up with him but there is no reason, my boyfriend like also to meet my family but i am afraid i do not know what to do, is there someone has a situation like this and it is already solve, or can anyone help me please
2 people like this
9 responses
@sanjay91422 (2728)
• India
4 Jul 11
I think it is a bad situation for you and also for your parents because you like your bf but they are worried about you only. If they don't like your boy friend, no matter what you say to them but they will keep worrying and these talks will never stop. All you can do is hope for the best, have a good luck.
• United States
4 Jul 11
I think she needs to assert her independence. Her parents may not respect her choices, but they need to respect that she is now an adult.
1 person likes this
• Vienna, Austria
5 Jul 11
@pointless i agree with you
• India
6 Jul 11
I understand that, I am also an adult and I also like to have the independence. I think parents will be always like that. Imagine when one day you will be a parents. I am sure you will also have some thoughts about your children.
• United States
4 Jul 11
I know cultures are different in different countries....but you are 19 years old. You are already an adult. You can do what you please. No one has a right to tell you that you can't have a relationship. If you earn your own money and take care of yourself your parents must respect your decisions. I would not lie to your parents and I would not sneak around. I would just live my life as a grownup. You need to set boundaries with parents sometimes when they continue to treat you as a child.
• Vienna, Austria
5 Jul 11
hi pointlessquestion yes i know that i need to have boundaries but my mom always get mad to me :(
• United States
7 Jul 11
So do you NOT assert your independence because your mom will be mad at you? Of course she will be mad, but that is to be expected if you want to be free to make your own decisions in life. You either remain a child and let mom rule your life or you become a grown up and live your life as you see fit. At some point mom will learn to give you the respect you deserve as a grownup.
• Philippines
18 Jul 11
Understand your parents. They only want what's best for you. If you want to get their approval, let your boyfriend meet your parents and let him win the heart and favor of your parents.
• Vienna, Austria
23 Jul 11
hi atprudente6 i understand them
@ebuscat (5949)
• Philippines
5 Jul 11
For me just told mom that you have a boyfriend if she want to be that your boyfriend visit you why not if it is not good then call off would be better but don't gave your self to him you don't know if he is your husband to be.
• Vienna, Austria
5 Jul 11
hi ebuscat yes i know my limitation :) thank you for reminding it
5 Jul 11
You're 19 and I think you have still many exploration to do. But for now in your situation, think seriously and twice before deciding something because you might regret it in the fututre. Some parents are just over protective to their child because they don't want anything bad happen to their son/daughter. It will also really depends on the action they're doing to protect you, some, parent's actions and reactions are way to much. If that's the case, you have to do your own action already. If you really love that person you have to fight for him and prove to them that they were wrong. So, whatever happens, you won't regret anything because you did your best. Cheer up and fight..., you'll see in the end, everything will be worth it.
• Vienna, Austria
21 Jul 11
hi ada4jbvs u've enlighten me thank you very much
@toniganzon (39805)
• Philippines
5 Jul 11
I'm sorry but maybe i don't understand you clearly. YOu said that your mom told you you are allowed to have a boyfriend but with limitations. I clearly understood her side and what she meant by limitations. What i can't understand is you denying that you have a boyfriend when they asked you about the change in your facebook status. I want to know why you didn't tell them honestly. BEcause the mere fact that you denied you have a boyfriend and then they discovered it will surely make them distrust you. How can they trust you when you have obviously lied to them? It is also normal for parents to criticize your boyfriend but that doesn't really mean that they are against you having one. Parents only want the best for their children. If you want them to trust you, then prove it to them that you are indeed trustworthy. I can understand your thoughts here because you are very young and i've been there too. The best thing to do is have an open communication with your parents. And open your mind to what they are going to say. Listen and learn from them, they too have been through that stage and they're just scared you will get pregnant.
• Jacksonville, Florida
5 Jul 11
I think your at the age where it's up to you who your with. Your parents will always tell you what to do if you let them. Mine still try that and I am 26 years old. Don't let it happen and it will stop, or at least here it would. I don't think you should break up with him if you have strong feelings for him. My parents tried to separate my husband and I but I finally told them to back off because he is the love of my life! If you lose him and you care about him you might regret it the rest of your life...Good Luck!
• India
4 Jul 11
to be very honest about my feelings here, i think ur really really confused. Look at what u said.. 'i wanna break up with my guy coz my parents are making it tough'. Wake up girl.. Love is supposed to be about trust and being there for each other through good times as well as tough times.. Its not always easy. And if ur unable to hold ur guy's hand when things are a bit rough, i dont think u deserve him in fair weather.
• India
4 Jul 11
Humm well i think you parents are right in this situation. At least your parents are allowing you to keep boyfriend. Iam in a relationship with a girl but my parents are not allowing me to keep girlfriend unless and until i stand on my own feet, in our society very few parents accept earlier ages relationships. In parents view when a boy is standing a earning good and a girl is quite mature enough only then the relationship is been accepted. I am one year younger than my GF i haven't told my relationship to anyone not even my friends because later anything can happen. In your case you have a freedom a lot. See if i were in your place i could have told parents that i am in a relationship but we wont do anything until our marriage. The very fact that your parents are afraid is of that you may be pregnant once you are allowed to keep a boyfriend. Well truly speaking there is no need of having a breakup with your BF just confess your love to your parents and promise them that you will remain in limit iam sure they will agree to the fact and then you guys can enjoy your love being together.