My Boyfriend's Mother is Driving Me Nuts Again! Grrrr

United States
July 5, 2011 1:36am CST
Seriously, I guess I should just get it into my head that she doesn't like me and deal with her on that level, but I tried so hard to make us have a good relationship and it seemed to be working except now she is out of the blue being ignorant to me again. Today my boyfriend, his son, and I were getting ready to shoot fireworks and my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to sort my fireworks into piles of which I will set off first. I said that I like to fly by the seat of my pants when it comes to fireworks and she told me that she knew where I could shove them. She was sitting there laughing her butt off at the comment, but I didn't find it very funny. It was ignorant and rude of her to say so. Earlier this morning while the T.V. in the kitchen was on a commercial break I tried to show my boyfriend a ringtone I was considering for my phone. She flew off the handle calling me rude and told me that she was trying to watch T.V! I mean, I get it if she wanted to watch commercials... but there are nicer ways to handle that than yelling at me especially since I figured that I was being considerate by waiting for the commercial break. But, it hasn't just been today. The other day I was feeling angry that my teacher assigned me homework for Summer break and she told me exactly 'You are stupid if this makes you angry, just get over it.' I wasn't even talking to her about it, I was talking to my boyfriend about it. There is more that she has been saying and doing as well and it really hurts my feelings when to talks to me like this. I don't want to bring up to my boyfriend this because his response is often that she is in lots of pain right now (which she is) or that she was abused all her life so she is making up for it now (that's a lame excuse) or that she is just in a bad mood and doing the same to him. (That's more acceptable to me). So, I just put up with this and it makes me nuts when she pulls this. She acts like I'm a horrible person on a whim and then she plays nice with me for awhile. I don't know how much longer I can deal with her doing this... I think it would be mean of me to leave my boyfriend over his mom being mean, especially since he has made it clear that he wants to stay with me no matter what his family thinks of me... it's just so hard to be treated like this from the person that birthed and cared for the love of my life. I will say this, I'm learning valuable lessons on how NOT to treat my daughter's future man.
1 response
• Jacksonville, Florida
5 Jul 11
I know what your going through and it is definitely not easy by far. Trust me my husband's family is brutal. They would gossip about me and change things around that I said, it was terrible. Most of the time when they said a mean comment I would say something really really nice to them in return. It would tick them off more but eventually they knew it just wasn't working so I wasn't "fun" to pick on anymore. Kill her with kindness sort of thing. I know it sounds crazy but most likely she's trying to get a reaction out of you. She wants you to do something back and if you don't give her that satsifaction she might stop. My husband's family wanted me to say something rude to them so they could run back and tell him in hopes he would leave me. I knew this and so I had nothing bad to say that they could do that with... If that doesn't work, I would definitely just ignore the comments like you never even heard a thing... =) Hope this helps!!
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jul 11
Thank you. I am trying this. I just shut my mouth when she says these things because I know if I respond back she will see that as fuel to use against me. She really doesn't have anything to use against me except for 3 things: 1. She was teasing me about my socks one day because I tend to wear kid's socks. I have small feet and like the bright patterns. And I laughingly got pretend attitude with her and said 'I'll wear whatever socks I want.' Oops. She harassed my boyfriend for 6 months to break up with me over that! 2. When my boyfriend got his vasectomy they all knew I was against it, but they pushed him to do it anyway. It just so happened that the of his vasectomy I had school that night and we didn't know when he would be back from the surgery. So he told me he would just call me when he got home. I was walking out of school for the night before he called me and was really mad at me for not calling him. I could hear his mother yelling in the background some mean words about me too. Good grief! Ended up I found out they had him on some heavy pain meds and he wasn't in his right mind. Kind of open to suggestion. And the suggestion was that I should have passed up on going to school for him and was an unfit girlfriend for not doing so. 3. And the 3rd thing I did that makes me such a bad girlfriend in her eyes, was ask him to be my plus 1 at my brother's wedding! I have had a lot of problems with my mother and my sister over the past two years. My sister abused me physically and mentally while I lived with my mom and my mom abused me mentally and emotionally. And it has just gotten to the point where I don't want to be around them anymore, but to be supportive of my brother and his marriage I had to buck up and go. But, not without backup. So, my boyfriend I went together. And about halfway through the wedding his mother starts calling him in a panic wondering where he is so we left with the promise that we would be back. We went back to his house and she made him run errands all around town for two hours and told him that if I couldn't understand that she needed him then I wasn't a very good girlfriend. Of course I couldn't understand why she couldn't have waited 2 more hours for the wedding to be over and gotten her errands done then. But, I kept my mouth shut in front of her. And when her errands were over and he and I were alone again I cried... because it bothered me to skip out on the wedding and not really having a chance to see my Dad who lives in Florida and doesn't come by for visits very often and I can't afford to go see him. So, now I'm a bad person because I wasn't more understanding. But, yes... I don't see that these three things make me that bad of a girlfriend. But, your advice is very good advice. I just hope I can hang in there and not have a huge meltdown over this.