up to what point you will support your sister?

Philippines
July 21, 2011 4:23am CST
being single mom for my only daughter would not that too hard for me since i can afford it.however for almost 4 years now my sister and her two kids and her nanny stays with me at first i never ask anything from them coz i know she doesnt have work to support her kids.now that my sister finally found her new husband a foreigner is a well off still she never shared from expenses in the house for me as long as i can i wont obliged her to share now that my business is not doing well for the very first time i ask her to share with me for the electric bill and other bills to pay in the house yet she never bother to share i dont know how im gonna say it to her that she need to share now or how im gonna say it to her that she will not be offended that they have to look for her own place..i find it so difficult on my part but i need a breathing space..another observation that hurts me is that they will go out and have some fun without asking my daughter to go with them..but if i have to go out her two kids is with me..well its been 4 years i think its time for her to move out from my place..do you think i will be a bad sister if i will do it?til when should i continue this?any suggestions?
1 person likes this
9 responses
• Philippines
21 Jul 11
hi jane, I understand your feelings I have friend with the similar situation It came to the point that she was pissed off because it was her only her all the time her sister is being inconsiderate on her situation. Better talk to her personally before everything will be worst She must understand your feelings and situation Besides you are sister you and her must give and take happy mylotting
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
21 Jul 11
• United States
22 Jul 11
You don't say how long the sister has been married or how long they both have lived with you...but I am going to make a presumption that it's been a while. First you need to sit them both down for a talk...yeah, THE TALK. Point out that you have supported your sister with no complaint for nearly 4 years, that you understood her situation, but now that situation has changed. It's time for some things to change for you also... That if they wish to continue to share housing with you, they will also have to share expenses, that her children are her responsibility and that while you don't mind them going places with you from time to time, it can not be every time you leave the house, that your daughter is entitled to a bit of reciprocation on her part when she leaves the house and you are entitled to the break such an action would bring you. Then place it firmly on the table that if these conditions can not be met, they will have to seek other forms of housing for their entire family. If a yelling match begins, simply state that they have a certain time frame to remove themselves from your home, where YOU pay the bills and supply the food, and walk away. Your sister will either get over being mad or she won't, the one thing she can't take away is that she will always be your sister.
• Philippines
25 Jul 11
yes friend im trying to set a time to talk to her and air my side or even suggesting her to share the bills..life now is not easy i find it so difficult too..i hope i have the courage to say so but not offending her or she would not hurt.thanks again ..
• United States
25 Jul 11
She will understand and she may become angry, but hurt? I doubt it, after all, who would want to give up what is basically a free ride? You'll find that courage some where...you'll have to, other wise you will end up resenting your sister and she you for a very long time.
@moneywinner (1866)
• Brazil
22 Jul 11
For what you said, I don't think you and your sister have a really open relationship, because if this situation happened to me and my family, me or my sister would totally tell to the other to share the bills. Also, I think that we would feel really bad to live in the other's house without helping on anything. In my opinion, you need to have a serious conversation with your sister and talk straight to her about the situation. That she living in your house, so, the least that she can do is help on the bills. If she don't accept, you should tell her to find other place to live. Or if you really want that she move out, make this suggestion to her. For what you said, is better to make this suggestion very clear to her understand that you still like her, but she need to give a home for their kids otherwise one day they will not feel good too with this situation.
• Philippines
25 Jul 11
yes moneywinner she will remain sister to me no matter what but im still really looking enough courage to tell her straight that it the time she shared the bills ..hope she would understands me..thanks god bless..
@thetis74 (1525)
21 Jul 11
I will support my sister up to which point that she can afford to live on her own. I don't think that you are going to be a bad sister for asking them to move, since it is not going to be forever that you have to keep supporting them when she can already afford and that she is already married any way. I could see that she is not being grateful despite all that you did for her even just by helping you with the house expenses. I scares me to think that if you keep tolerating her, what if the time comes that you could hardly afford a lot of things because your supporting till she wants to. Because I think you also need to save some extra money for you and your daughter's future? Do you think that for what she is showing now she will be able to help you when you are the one already in need? I would really hope she would. She also needs to be independent from you so will also learn how difficult living is and that she will also learn to realized how great your help was that she seemed to take it for granted. Just talk to her and tell her that you could hardly afford it anymore. If she does not agree and understand, then I guess she really is that selfish. And that you cannot forever hold her own responsibilities for her children because that is her and her husband's responsibility now.
• Philippines
25 Jul 11
yes thetis74 you have a very good point..i need to save extra money for my daughter's future its not easy to be a single mom even if i had a business..i hope i had enough courage to say that she will accept and understands too..thanks again for enlightening me..god bless..
@umabharti (3976)
• India
21 Jul 11
Some people understand with out telling anything ,some do not even understand if we say something. I do not think that you are a bad sister,you looked after them in their hard times so now there is option that she had tried to begin her second life,so now she will have to move with her kids to her husband.She should understand your problems as ur business is not good right now and if possible should help u . However people are so they forget what we do or did in the past .I know such incidents many .I learnt many times lesson also,I am trying to be careful now .Help but do not help out of ur limits.
• Philippines
25 Jul 11
thaks for ur respnse my friend yes i want to learn a lessons too but not sacrificing my relationship with my sister..hope i can talk to her soon that she will understand my situations now..
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
21 Jul 11
I am in this same situation. It is not about financial matter. But i did supported her to the extent of her crazy things and even defended her to our brothers who almost cursed her for her foolishness. But in the end,she take it badly and pointed fingers on me. This really gives me desperate moves and i am not sure where this misundersatnding could lead us. I hope they will find some consideration in their hearts. I wonder why some people say..it is better to live and love other people than their own family...now slowly i could understand why some people say such words... i hope you and your sister will settle everything in good and civil manner.
• Philippines
21 Jul 11
• Singapore
29 Jul 11
in my opinion janebernal, its really unfair. She has to consider your situation and manage to help you maybe in her little way. nowaday, everything is so expensive and nothing is for free.
• United States
25 Jul 11
I hate to say it but you made her treat you this way. Now she is use to not helping and she may never leave. You should have required her to help you long time ago. It should have been her man paying her way to stay with you. Now don't wait another day go and tell her she needs to look for some place to stay. Don't think of it as way of being mean. but next time you go out don't take her kids. Put your foot down now.
@ebuscat (5949)
• Philippines
22 Jul 11
For me yes you can do that now because it is not responsibility at all she found a husband to be but make a speak that she can understand you for the reason.