cheater ex asks on a date, while he still has a gf: do i still have to hope??

Philippines
July 26, 2011 11:06pm CST
my ex and i were together for 5 years but then he broke up with me because of another woman.. months later, he asked me to watch movie together because he knows i love that movie.. i went out with him, hoping that he still loves me coz i still love him so much.. but that date seems to be like friendly date.. others say he would not ask me out if he doesn't love me anymore.. others say maybe he's just guilty of what he did to you so he's offering you friendship to lessen his guilt.. i still love him and even if i know that it's already impossible, im still hoping that someday he would come back to me.. i really dont know what to do and i have difficulty moving on.. any comments myLotters???
4 people like this
16 responses
@drasnian (548)
27 Jul 11
Honestly, I don't think it should matter whether he loves you still or not, the fact is he LEFT you for another woman, that doesn't exactly make him sound like a stand-up great guy. If he'd cheated, and the two of you had fought, I'd have said maybe you could work it out - people make mistakes, and if the two of you can work it out it doesn't mean it needs to be the end of a relationship. But if he left you for a woman that implies that they were having an affair, which is far worse than a once-off mistake. He must have put thought into whether to stay with you, or go off with her, and he chose to go with her - this man doesn't deserve you, and I doubt you'd ever fully trust him again. I suspect what you miss more than him personally, is the relationship -feeling loved, sexy etc etc, which you can have with a man who respects you, and doesn't cheat on you, you just need to let go of the feelings you have for your ex, and wait for the right guy.
1 person likes this
@maean_19 (4662)
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
I agree with your statement. That is a common mistake for girls who were left by their bf for another. I came from a cheating relationship, and so I know the feeling. I was once or twice asked by my friends, "what if he says he loves you and wants to get back?". At first, my response was I will give him another chance because I love him so much. And I continued, if he can promise not to do it again. However, after a month or so, when things had sunk in. Again, my friend asked me the same question. I already have a different answer. I told my friend, love cannot be erased in one night, weeks or months, especially when you think the relationship was perfect and expects that he would be the last. However, I cannot also change the fact that he left me for someone else. What is my guarantee that he will not cheat again? I love him, yes, but that does not mean that I would sacrifice again by accepting him back. I want to have someone who can see that I am worthy enough that anybody else. And I don't deserve someone who fall into temptation and leave me just that. If a partner cheated, it is because he does not love you.
@toniganzon (42803)
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
Just wait for him to make his move. I don't know why you still love him despite the fact that you were dumped for another woman. I am a very proud person and i would never ever go back to that person who did something like that to me. But you are different from me and i'm not telling you what to do but i'm just laying down my own. The decision actually truly lies in you alone because you alone knows what can make you happy. But sometimes it's good to listen to others because when we are in love we are blind.
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
Very well said toniganzon! Every time i saw your responds i admire you for you have great ideas which I think can helped a lot. You'll be a good lawyer someday! :)
@toniganzon (42803)
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
@nurseclare, thanks so much for this compliment. Now i just consider becoming a lawyer as a prestige. I hope i'll have the courage to take the bar and pass it.
• Indonesia
30 Jul 11
Hi, Oops, are you happy? Whatever you feel, I hope all the best for you. I can only predict it, like the experience of a friend of mine, I'm sure your ex still have a little hope to get back to you, I'm sure he still loves you, he was contrite in heart, and wanted to atone for any mistakes. If you tolerate, just continue. I pray for it. Good luck
• Indonesia
28 Jul 11
Hi... i interest about your story ... that's right, very dificult to forgot your ex. But you must forget it, hope and pray would come some one who realy love you with all condition ... okay Like Song by Jose MaryChan: Every time i pray to morrow and my day wondering where you are tonight ...... Oh.. I'm waiting for your love i'm waiting for your smile tears an every day ... Yess i'm waiting for your love....
@jemzchix (116)
• Philippines
28 Jul 11
he have already cheated once, and maybe, made some white lies when u two were still dating. there is really nothing wrong going out with him for once, but if this dating is done again and again, you better clarify him and yourself as well as to what you two are doing. remember, he has a gf now, . if he is in love with you, he should have done something to cut the difficulty of the situations you both have and endure.
@XportuX (28)
• Venezuela
27 Jul 11
no way, if he cheat once he can do it again, and if you say that he is looking for you while he still has a gf, then he probably looking to cheat on her with do, so do fall for it, my advice is to look for someone who really loves you and deserves you.
@waflay (2727)
• Nairobi, Kenya
27 Jul 11
By looking into this matter keenly, I know the guy still loves you and he wants to be close to you very often and believe me, one day he is gonna be courageous enough to ask for it (your love). Facing the situation and to admit his failures is the only thing(s) that is holding him back, but in his heart he is cursing that small rift he created between you two. If I may ask, For how long have you been apart? I just asked this because love (true love) always looks for it equality. In this case, human animosity sometimes can urge a person to explore out side world but the heart is always left by the side of its true equality(love). I am talking about some months apart or... but a year can be too much, deserving no forgiveness. Also the real cause of this break up, do you know the reason he opted for another relationship? If he just walked in and told you its over with no explanations.. then you better take care because the same thing can repeat in future. Its much better if you hang out with him...only as a friend, learn something love had hidden from you in those year you were together and make sure you make a right decision that you know you wont be hurt once more.
@jaiho2009 (39034)
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
There is the possibility among those reasons that you had given above. Now,just wait for the right time,since you still love him I assume that you are willing to take another risk if ever he cheated you again. But,if you can find another or maybe there are other guys who are offering you love and a promising future,why not try,rather than gambling/risking and waiting for your ex. Have a good day always jaiho®
@maean_19 (4662)
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
Hi Viele, The real reason you can't move on is because you still hope and holding on that he would come back to you. Time can only tell my dear, so don't waste your time waiting a guy who has not seen your worth. Take note, he broke you up for someone else, and do you think his present gf knew that you dated and watched movie together? I don't think so. That's one of the signs of a cheater. If he did to you despite the length of your relationship, he can also do it with his present. Another sign is that, a cheater can sense that you still like him and it's a mistake that you accepted his offer. You see, cheating is not a good thing and it is understandable if you would hate him or decide not to be friend with him. However, with your gesture of accepting the date without remorse on his part and as if nothing went wrong is a sign that he can still control you. I have been there and worse, he was my live-in partner. 7 months had passed after our break up, and darn, he has a nerve to call me with our endearment. This is not a question of your feelings for him. Yes, you still love him, but the thing is you cannot change the fact that he left you for someone else. Have worth for yourself. You deserve someone BETTER my dear. Love is useless if he can't respect you of who you are. Move on. You can forgive what he did to you. You can love him, of course that's not easy to erase because you still put in your mind that he will come back. But, can you bear a "cheating" heart? Cheating and lying? Again, analyze. If he has truly loved you, he should have laid a distance and asked forgiveness at least. Did he?
@secretbear (19472)
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
Hi viele! If you are friends with him, then I think there's nothing wrong when you went out with him to a movie. But if he has a girlfriend, I don't think you should hope for anything. I don't even think that the reason why he took you out for a movie was for friendship or because of guilt. If he had cheated on you before, I think he can also do that to his current girlfriend. And I don't know if he's heartless enough to do it again to you, but there's a possibility. I may sound so negative but I just don't think you should trust him already. And I don't think you should be hoping for him to love you again. You should move on and look at other possibilities. Enjoy life first and meet other people. If he's really for you then time and chance will tell. Good luck!
@smacksman (6076)
27 Jul 11
Oh this is such a tough one for you because 'love is blind'. It is cruel when your love is not returned in full but many marriages are built on less than that. Do you still have hope? Of course you do. Is that wise? Well probably no, but how can you stop? Not easy. Are you the sort of girl that will allow him to wander from the marital bed? If you are then spell it out to him when the time is right. If not then you have to drop him and move on. I don't envy you your predicament but hope it works out well for you in the long run.
@notlsra (26)
• India
27 Jul 11
As far as hope is concerned, there is always 'hope'. That is the word definition by itself. It all boils down to the fact that 'Do you still "want" to hope'? Seems like you do. And yeah, moving on is difficult at times, but then, that is the way life shows its hardness towards us at times. Ultimately it is hope that makes us carry on inspite of difficulties. Maybe someday you will move on.. or to look at it positively from your current frame, he will come back!
@nurseclare (2210)
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
In your case, it's really hard to trust someone who leaves you and chooses another girl! That's so crap and I can't bare that feeling. What happened, why he left you and choose the other one?Is she that worth it? It will never work, most especially if their is someone who's badly hurt. You are cheated, and that's the most painful stuff ever! Maybe he realized that you're so precious and he wants you back.Then ask him. It's hard to trust someone who broke it once. Just don't hope so hard. The best thing you do is to pray. Ask GOD for guidance, only him can help you through it all. :) Godbless
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
It's a matter of trust. If you still trust him after what he did to you and be absolutely sure that he does love you, then you may. But personally, if it were me, i will not. He already cheated on you once. And if he asked you on a date, with him having a girlfriend, is another cheating offense. How will you trust a guy like that?
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
Even we were hurt many times by the person we love, believe me we can always forgive them even how badly hurt we are.. But the problem is if he promise not to do it again but still did the same thing it's another story. But since the feeling is still there we don't want to lose hope that this person will change and ask us to forgive them and give them another chance. Let's just say we're martyr we love them much but we also have to consider if he really mean when he says and keep it as long the relationship is alive. With the problem you have. all what you can do is observe the guy. If he really do something like give an effort to see you, to communicate with you then you know he want you back. But if that's the only thing he did may be it's just guilt because you've been together for so very long then he drop for because of another girl. You are the only one who can justify his actions towards you since you are the only person who knew him better. Explore and learn to divert your feelings..good luck to you. I hope you will find happiness.
@mellaw (84)
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
If he cheated you don't trust him anymore,so that he won't use you that kind of guy not good for you.,move on and find some one to be trusted and not a womanizer.I suggest you not to give all your love to the guy unless you cannot sue if he feel the same to you.So your not be victim of love.