Oh Honey, I Am So Tired, Can I Take A Leave Now?

@neildc (17268)
Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
August 16, 2011 12:42am CST
Hiya myLotters and friends! I arrived home for lunch at noontime today. Zay and cousin Alex plays their stuff leaving the room at mess. They still have to get ready for their afternoon class. Wifey has yet to take them to bath, but she still have to finish lunch with me. She even just finished the laundry while preparing our food for lunch. Anyway, this is the usual happening with my wife, everyday. So while we were about to start eating, wifey have to finish first her complains. She had to yell at the kids to behave so to calm down the situation. She had to complain about how tired she already is. Tired of the kids leaving the rooms a mess. Tired of the daily laundry. Tired of disciplining the teens. Tired of budgeting the money I handed her each and every payday, is also another story. Only some few reasons I myself, personally avoid complaining to her so keeping myself quiet. I think I have no reason to complain. To even tell her that I also feel sick inside of me. That even a simple headache or backache, I do not feel talking about her. How much more with the more serious pain I feel in my stomach. And with the problems I have in the office, will I have to tell her about it? Enough I guess. Have you ever wished you could file a Leave of Absence from being a father, a mother or a child, because you are feeling tired with the other members of the family? Please share your views. Thanks. ~~ NEIL™~~
7 people like this
29 responses
• Philippines
16 Aug 11
hi neil, I understand your feelings But being a father and husband you must be strong I know you can talk about this with wifey woman complain when they are tired of everything but for sure you and wifey can fix this matter There are times in my life I am tired of being a daughter,friend and sister for many reasons but I just can't stop because I know God created me in this way with good purpose on them. hugs to ate pat and zay happy mylotting
2 people like this
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
16 Aug 11
I can relate to feeling like a leave of absence is due when it comes to being, a parent, partner etc. Parenting as we know is a job that is the most important we will ever do and yet there are no sick days or annual leave, in fact there is no pay! We know the job’s rewards are priceless but having said that it doesn’t mean that we don’t feel like running away every now and again for a well-earned rest. I think taking even an hour for ourselves every now and again helps, it’s definitely not enough but it helps!
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
16 Aug 11
hi bhaby. you are right, if for once we have to talk about this matter, there could be no other way to end but a misunderstanding. it could be a great war either so why talk about it? paula: i heard the phrase before, "parenting is a lifetime job but no sick leaves and no pay either. we entered this relationship, and even we don't have terms and faqs, there are guidelines which changes every once in a while. i agree with that, taking an hour or two for ourselves once in a while is not enough but it helps.
@eurekafemme (5881)
• Philippines
16 Aug 11
Oh... oh... oh, my, Neil. Please pardon me but I feel exactly the same way your wifey does... It isn't funny at all. The feeling of getting tired of doing the same things over and over again and yet it seems endless that no matter how often we do it,we still keep on doing it until finally we give up doing it.. Or if we ever shall give up... As you knew already my situation, it is not easy taking care of the kids who are more often than not could really be a handful and even if we love them so much,sometimes, they are too much for us. That alone can be physically draining. Not to mention the different chores inside the house, laundry, dishwashing, housecleaning, etc. I used to wonder why some women who got married lost their youthful glows. Now, it is no longer a puzzle for me because I have a first hand experience about it. I think I aged 10 x more my actual age! THe toils are really getting into my nerves that sometimes I really wish I'll just evaporate and go elsewhere where no one can follow me and have a minute of peace and quiet. It is not that we don't love our family but for the life of me, WE ALSO NEED A BREAK. But, Neil, despite of our own complaints, you don't have to deprive yourself from telling your wife what's going on with you. We still do welcome our husband complaining about almost every little things. You know we will try to give you , our husbands, a bit of comfort if you need to and only if we still can. Now, don't take it against us if we say "Hon, can we just call it a night for now and let's deal with it tomorrow? I promise to give you a rub. " Point is, if you shut up and keep things to yourself, you are not giving us the chance to be with you and letting you feel that we care no matter how busy we are with the kids and the chores. Besides, a wife is a wife and a mother has to do what a mother has to do because we love the family of which we belong to.
2 people like this
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
17 Aug 11
hi jo-an. i understand exactly how if feels to be left alone in the house with all those chores that seem to be an endless thing that you have to do over and over again. and i appreciate you, my wife and other wives out there that they almost do not complain about it. but it is really irritating to the husband's ears when you are complaining in a higher tone of your voice. and for that, i also believe, you should also be given a break. but of course, turning back from the responsibilities is another issue. i know i have the rights to talk too. but there were times that i talked, i ended up to be the one who's at fault and blamed. or something that i should had not even started to think about letting her know about it. i mean, i should had not told her what i feel. more, when she talks and i talk too, the house will be on fire because most of the time, she won't give up and say, don't talk with me, let me talk and wait till i am through. and i feel it's much better to let her temper subside later. most of the time, i consider myself, my needs, my feelings, less priorities than theirs.
@jaiho2009 (39079)
• Philippines
16 Aug 11
hello neil, HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA..... Sorry my dear brother I can't help to laugh. You know this scenario is not new anymore...there are many wifey and husband around having same problem like this. Now this reminds me when I also complain to my husband and then I told him... "I WANT TO RESIGN AS A MOTHER AND WIFE" Guess what?...oh yeah...he just laughed at me and then said, "get the calculator please" Calculator? with my eyes as big as full moon...hehehe He replied calmly and still laughing "YES! CALCULATOR"...We need to compute how long you've been with the service as a mother and wife so you can have your separation pay.. nyahahahahahaha....... now...who wants to have a calculator and compute their resignation pay....I can let you borrow my calculator,and this is scientific one...hahahahahaa... good day my dear brother...give my hugs to my little naughty kiddo there. (*_*) sis, jaiho®
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
16 Aug 11
hi sis. i remember step-daughter stowed-away last time. i guess you also remember that? well, it's something like what had happened or something that could have entered her mind, so she took a leave. anyway, i do not want to have a calculator this time sis, i only need to take a leave and i am not resigning.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39079)
• Philippines
16 Aug 11
at least I made you laughed...
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
16 Aug 11
oh yes sis. you made me laughed today. and thank you for that.
@sjvg1976 (13786)
• Delhi, India
17 Aug 11
Hello Neildc, This is normal behavior of wifes as my wife also will always complain like she gets tired of seeing kids,i did not buy good vegetables,i don't look after kids etc etc but i never thought of taking leave from it as i know this is normal and one who get frustrated does it in frustration.Also like you i don't speak much and listen to her complaints always.And sometimes when i am not in a mood to listen i say to her dear i have a head ache today then she will sit quietly.
1 person likes this
@sjvg1976 (13786)
• Delhi, India
17 Aug 11
Oh yes VP they do a lot for us and if they have complaints then we should listen to it patiently because i know when they see it that someone is listening to them they get happy.
1 person likes this
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
17 Aug 11
one thing that we always do when they complain is to be quiet and listen to them. but some times, it's really irritating when they complain again and again and in a high voice.
1 person likes this
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
17 Aug 11
there is actually no problem on how she gets things done and i owe it to her. she's just being a superwoman to me when it comes to the house chores. and i do help her when kids are not around or when they are busy with their school assignments and projects.
@celticeagle (114058)
• Boise, Idaho
16 Aug 11
I am sure we all feel like this from time to time. I had guardianship of my granddaughter for a dozen years up to about five years ago. She was troubled and there were days I was so stressed out I didn't think I could do it anymore. She would wait until I would fall asleep and then she would run off. It was not fun. I think that young kids need to be taught to clean up after themselves and do as they are told to do.
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
17 Aug 11
young kids are more bearable than teens when they make some mess.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (114058)
• Boise, Idaho
17 Aug 11
Perhaps but if you don't start early teaching them they will be horrid when they reach teen years.
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
17 Aug 11
i can still handle the young kids. and i guess, i handled well the young adults when they were young kids. i just cannot decipher why this is happening with them now.
@toniganzon (39808)
• Philippines
17 Aug 11
I feel sorry that you have to keep everything inside. When couples have children somehow the relationship change. Do you still have time getting romantic with your wife or even just whisper sweet nothings to her? Does she still have time for making herself beautiful? Do you still go out on a date just the two of you without the kids? I am a housewife as well but i don't do the household chores because i have househelp from day one that i got married. My husband and i sometimes have lunch or dinner just the two of us and our son stays with the nanny. I think we are lucky that we are living comfortably so i never wished for a day off or got tired with my family.
1 person likes this
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
17 Aug 11
a lot of changes toni. but we still have time for romantic moments although, dating is something that we have not done for years. but that's not a problem though. i am glad to hear about that, and really, if i am rich enough to get househelp, a nanny, etc. i could have given my wife an easier life.
1 person likes this
@carolscash (9503)
• United States
16 Aug 11
It sounds like your wife needs help around the house. Maybe she needs to complain because she doesn't know how to ask you for help. My husband gets mad when I complain about things, but at the same time, if he would help a little more with the stuff around the house, I would not have to complain. It is important to keep communication lines open between you and your wife.
1 person likes this
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
17 Aug 11
there are times that she doesn't have to ask help and do what i think i could to make things done faster and lighter.
1 person likes this
@ddaguno (3110)
• Philippines
16 Aug 11
Getting tired is part of having a family. Time will come when you will get to look back at this moment and laugh at it. You are blessed to have a family. whenever you get tired of the work and responsibilities just think how blessed you are and imagine how some people live their entire lives alone. I am still single and I don't know if I will ever get married. I'm happy though so you dont need to feel sorry for me You and your wife will get over this phase. Zay will eventually grow older and will learn how to clean his room. and knowing how good a person you are, i will pray that you will eventually catch a break, land a better paying job and be able to get a maid or a really advanced washing machine
1 person likes this
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
16 Aug 11
well, i know about that and i should be thankful that i have this wonderful family and a job. i am more blessed than those who we have no decent home, no job and not even thinking how they could feed their numerous children. you could ask, do i have regrets with my wife and my family? of course no. but i still keep myself single if i am still single now because i already knew how difficult to have a family. but it's a happy life to have though. thank you the nice comment and support and motivation. with the machine, i don't think wifey would like to have it since it will just be an added burden with the electricity bill.
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
16 Aug 11
llos to me that you could step in and help out at home you helped get the kids now ya need to help train them . and you could tel her some troubles your haveing whats with holding back you are to share things to keep marriage on track not take a vacation from your duties!
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
17 Aug 11
to do whatever i could to help when i can. the young kids can be trained but really do not listen unless you will tell them, they got a spunk if they will not follow. but the young adults are much more of a headache because they do whatever they want, they don't listen and they don't want to listen anymore. and more, you cannot give them a spunk anymore.
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
17 Aug 11
guess ya need to ground them and take way their favorite thing
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
18 Aug 11
we have done that a lot of times but they are just such a brat
@savypat (20248)
• United States
16 Aug 11
Time to turn you both on to tapping.com for release of stress. Each day stress comes at us like a hive of bees, stinging where ever it can reach. So why not use some simple methods to arm yourself and your wife against this. Tapping is simple, it's proven to be a great relief of stress and it's free. What more can you ask?
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
17 Aug 11
what is this tapping all about, savypat?
@savypat (20248)
• United States
17 Aug 11
go to the site, watch the video and tap along, it's a wonderful way to relieve stress. Blessings
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
18 Aug 11
ok thanks, savypat. i'll go and check the site.
@myjoon (25)
• China
16 Aug 11
My mom always complained before and my dad did not keep quiet at all. So they quarreled with each other. But when time goes on and I have already worked for months , they almost never quarrel. So just be easy and things will get better.
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
17 Aug 11
that's where it will really be if the other will not keep quiet when the other starts complaining and shouting. that's one reason i keep my mouth shut, to avoid quarreling. But when time goes on and I have already worked for months , they almost never quarrel. - you mean they quarrel because of you or what?
@myjoon (25)
• China
17 Aug 11
Well I mean the more the kids are yonger the more you and your wife have to worry about. Then maybe your wife would comlain, I guss most because of the kids.
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
18 Aug 11
young kids are really a headache most of the times because of their mischievousness and so on, but they give so much happiness to parents when they are good. but teens are a much of a headache when they are disrespectful and not even showing appreciative of the sacrifices of the parents. i don't mean all but most teens are like this.
@MsTickle (24965)
• Australia
16 Aug 11
You sound so sad Neil. Everyone is taking you for granted...the older kids, the younger kids and even your wife. That's just not fair. Your wife needs to teach her kids to obey and respect. Make those younger kids clean up when they finish making a mess. Tell your wife your troubles and stop holding it all in. You cannot go on this way my friend.
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
17 Aug 11
friend, when i found the chance to talk about her our problems with step-daughter, i almost blamed myself for talking. my wife told me to talk with her daughter, things of this and that. but step-daughter seemed not listening to me. so i get back to my wife. and she said, if she, step-daughter could not understand and would not cooperate, understand her. meaning, if we could not make her do our stuff or follow what we want her to be, we just let her be. something like, if we can't beat them, join them. she's really too unfair considering she still depends on us though at her age, she could already get a job to support whatever she wants including her studies. sorry about that.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24965)
• Australia
17 Aug 11
Children need discipline, they need limits otherwise they run wild. Your wife is too soft with her children...she should make the rules, not her daughter. It would be different if the girl was appreciative but she's not. I would cut off any funds to her and stop doing her laundry or any other chores that the girl should do herself. Tell her if she doesn't like it she can move out and be firm about it. Don't give in to her demands. She should be helping out financially and helping with the cooking, cleaning and laundry. She's not a child but she is behaving like one. If your wife doesn't stand up to her then she will continue to be a brat. The older boy should be thrown out. I'm sorry, but your wife's unwillingness to control her older children and the younger ones in your absence is destroying you. It sounds like the family is being broken too. She is supposed to work with you to do the right thin not give in to the children...you will have the same problems as the younger boys grow up the way things are going. I'm sorry Neil, I'm sure you realise all this yourself but your family are just too selfish to cooperate.
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
17 Aug 11
i am sure i treat them all equally though they are not all mine completely. yes i guess my wife is just soft with her children but not too soft. you can tell her by the tone of her voice. but i can say it's just her voice and not deep inside. i really feel sad about them not being cooperative with the situation. and yes, if only they show respect and appreciative, our lives could be much lighter.
17 Aug 11
Hi Neil, all the time, although I only a husband, he is wose the five kids put together, lol! and a women's work is never done, she has to do it weather she feels like it or not, there should be a public holiday for all women, lol! big hugs.
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
18 Aug 11
public holiday for all women? mothers' day and world women's day.
1 person likes this
18 Aug 11
Hi Neil, Ah!! but world womens day is not that popular here and mother's day is only for mothers, but what about women like myself who don't have any children and always get sad when mother's day arrives and friends who have children are enjoying being pampered by their children and thoss with no children is just another day. Big hugs. Tamara xxxxx
• Philippines
16 Aug 11
I sometimes do and I think it's normal for us people to be tired sometimes of the situation. I guess your wife needs to unwind so she can release all her stress inside. All of us have problems to deal with and we can't just stop and rest. Maybe, she's just really tired but it doesn't mean she cares less. She's just human.
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
17 Aug 11
i know that, she is really tired and she feels some pain with her body parts. we do unwind once in a while but we really could not do it more often. it's really normal for us to get tired, we are all humans but there are times that we should be talking and complaining less.
• Philippines
18 Aug 11
I also feel your sentiments. I know that it is not good to complain always. Talk to your wife and ask her the reasons. Have a nice day!
@SIMPLYD (74777)
• Philippines
16 Aug 11
I can very well understand how you feel. With an ever complaining wife, i think as the husband you chose to just keep silent of whatever complains you may have so that it will not add up to your wife's concern. Right? But that should not be the case. Both of you should be able to express whatever they feel. That way, they can talk too , of how to deal with them and thresh out whatever problems that there is. Your wife may be always complaining, but when you tell her your pains, she will listen and would do something about it. Try it.
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
16 Aug 11
you are absolutely right, i chose to keep silent so that it will not add up to her concern. she even told me before and i still remember, that when she get "high blood" and starts talking and nagging, let her be and soon her nagging will end. i agree with your thought that we both be able to talk and express our sides. but most of the time, she do not listens to my explanation, especially when she's at the top of her temper. nobody dares to talk with her. anyway, i am used to that. sometimes i could tell her about my own pains and yes she listens. but when she is complaining, i should not talk about my complains. anyway, thanks for the suggestion and this very nice comment.
@SIMPLYD (74777)
• Philippines
22 Aug 11
Well, if she is in the peak of her temper, just let her vent first. When she subsides, then you can talk about it to her. And when you do, please don't be in a confrontational voice, but rather in a cool tone. Thanks for the BR.
@SomeCowgirl (32273)
• United States
19 Oct 11
We all need to complain and so you should have a way to vent as well. I think what your wife needs is a day away from the children and responsibilities of home, something that can relax her and then when she comes back she'll feel more calm and maybe even miss the kids and the house work. You yourself need a bit of a vacation, a little stroll around town or something to relax yourself after work. A journal to keep your thoughts in, aggravations at work or home, something to release the stressed mood. An outlet is always good. I hope things improve for you. We all have those times when we feel nothing is going right, and we don't have the opportunity to complain, or are tired of the complaints of home etc.
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
19 Oct 11
actually, we usually hang out with her sisters. we have usual bonding time with her family occasionally and we two also have our own bonding time, our relaxation time once in a while.
@dawnald (84126)
• Shingle Springs, California
17 Aug 11
There are days. We all have them. Years from now you will probably look back and think of these as the good old days!
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
18 Aug 11
will look forward to that day dawn.
@raven66 (335)
• Canada
17 Aug 11
It comes down to comunication~~~Dont yell!.. dont scream.. ~just talk quietly about your feelings to your partner ...let eachother know what your FEEling. Same with the kids....and the most important thing is to be organized and well rested. been there done that!
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
18 Aug 11
she yells most of the time but she doesn't scream though.
• United Arab Emirates
17 Aug 11
Hi Neildc, There are times in life when we get tired of doing something but miss it so much when we stop doing it. Having a family is the most difficult thing in the world but it's the most joyous of all. I believe things will be easier when there is a healthy communication between husbands and wives and things will seems to be easier even when you go through the most difficult everyday tasks. Me and my partner go out once in a while for a date and there are times too when he has to go on his own with his friends and me with my friends. Work and family can be so stressful at times that's why we communicate a lot and even when we argue but we already learned how to compromise and at the end of the day, life turns out to be more beautiful than it was yesterday. :)
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
17 Aug 11
i already gave up everything for the sake of this family. i can say i am a better man now than years ago.
• China
17 Aug 11
Hi ,neildc . Apprently , you seem tired of being a father in a familiy a little bit . Since i have not been married yet ,it is a little ridiculous for me to tell you that i totally understand you .I can imagine how hard it is to breed kids for that i have been a kid .I got to say ,that is life ,maybe not as good as you dream about ,maybe not as wonderful as you think ,but here it lies .Compared to the families in Africa,in which people may be starving for a couple of days,you should feel good if not happy. You can feed your family at least . What do you say ?
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
17 Aug 11
oh yes, and i am still very thankful that we have a better life than the others who could not even have food to eat. we are still blessed with a lot of things which other people do not have, like shelter, job to support food, kids go to school, and so on.