I'm in love again but this time I want to marry him.
August 17, 2011 5:07am CST
I know to myself that me and my live-in partner were not last forever because of so many things conflict. First, he can't marry me because he is not annulled yet. Second, I don't love him anymore. I found this guy my co-worker. He courts me and after two weeks I find out that I also love him. However, we're the same he has already a two childs, and I have one but that's not the big deal at all. And now we're planning to get a secret marriage first because I don't want to get surprise my parents in my decision, and I don't also them to think that after my breakup with my live-in partner I already have a boy friend. I want to take it slowly before we're ready to announce both to our family that we love each other.
17 Aug 11
Hi Vrianna, Sorry if this response have some sort of disagreement to your post. First, let's point out with your break up with your live in partner. I believe I have no right to say this, but I am just curious. Did you break up just because of conflicts? Or is it because he can't marry you since he has not yet annulled? Or perhaps, you no longer love him because you found someone else? I think, the reason for break up is quite shallow enough. Second point, your plans to have a secret marriage with your current bf. Isn't that an impulsive decision? Actually, before I made my response, I checked how old you are. In a way, you are at the proper age and legally you do not need any parental consent or parental advice if you decide to marry. My point though is that, why do you need to have a secret marriage? Just because you don't want your parents to think how easy on your part to have found someone else? 2 weeks courtship is not even sufficient, what more of marrying someone at a short time? Besides, you broke up with your live in partner, what more of a new found love? Would you think it would also work out? Relationships will last not solely because you are in love with him or just because you are compatible to each other. Think a thousand times before you decide to marry.
17 Sep 11
hi maean, Thanks for the advice. Actually, I found out that it is a wrong decision to get marry with my current boy friend. I'm thinking to know him better first. And I will be going to wait the right time to get married if me and my live - in partner are separated already.
17 Aug 11
Hello vrianna, That's it? you just dump the guy? is the annullment with your live-in partner still in process because he choose you? or he never tried annul his wife? if you're a mistress then i guess there's no problem dumping this guy. but if he chooses to be with you while processing the annulment with his present wife, aren't you gonna be honest and tell him? can you just tell him straight instead of doing with this secret secret stuff? If you're parents truly love you they will understand because it's your life. thank god am single still, but No offense this is the kind of life i seriously don't want to get myself into. .(pffft!) and they asked me when am I gonna get married. do what you must to be happy but please let your partner know and you're parents.
6 Sep 11
hi, Actually, he didn't ever try to get an annulment with his ex-wife. Everybody wants to get married, and my family didn't know yet that my live-in partner is already married. That is another problem I'm facing on, what if they find out the truth? I'm so confused about my life.
19 Aug 11
I don't wanna sound mean, but entering to a secret marriage is like entering/committing another mistake. How much do you know that guy? Are you pretty sure that he's really single and legally free? Anyways, if you'd end up great together then I'd be happy for you, but if not, chances are, you're child's the one's who's going to suffer. Does your child in need of someone who can be a fatherly figure?
18 Aug 11
For me, it doesn't matter if you have move on so quickly as was expectd. It happens. Nobody can really predict how long one can really move on.It might take years or forever for somebody or maybe someone will never move on in this life.Most especially if you are moving on from a bad romance,it is easier to make the baby steps towards healing. Just the same , there are no rules on how much time it takes for us to realize that we are in love. We just feel it. The butterflies in our stomach, the fireworks.We just can't deny that it is happening. You just feel it!(^_^)Enjoy while it lasts. :)
18 Aug 11
If you really love each other then nobody can change that. But keeping it from your parents may make your parents sad in the end. Why not take it a step at a time. Let the new man court you at home and let him meet your family. This way you can have support from your parents regarding your new relationship. They will also have the chance to meet and realize if you are with the right man. I think secret marriage is a bit too fast. If you really love each other then why can't you wait a lttle bit until everything is settled in both your part. He has to annul and if he already is that is good. Then ge has to give respect to your parents by talking to them and courting you officially. It won't really be nice if you make a secret marriage... but if you already have decided, then you still have to do your choice.
18 Aug 11
Hello Vrianna, I'd like to know how long have u been living with your partner before you broke up? am just curious since you said that you love the new guy who just courted you. You might misunderstood that feeling, and you may be using the new-guy as replacement with your live-in partner (who, in the first place cannot give the woman's ultimate dream - to get marry, bear child & live happily ever after) without any love at all. I hope this time, u have to weigh things properly before jumping into another problem. Though LOVE is the main ingredient in every relationship, but i think you also have to consider other factors that could affect your relationship in the long run especially in MARRIAGE. Remember marriage is like making a good recipe, aside from love, understanding, commitment, honesty and loyalty is also important. Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. And I hope in the end you will not wake up realizing that you made another mistake again. So good luck mu friend.
• United States
18 Aug 11
Do anything that makes you happy, It may be hard at first and you nay be judged badly by others, but others opinions are not as important as your own. Enjoy being with him, and The marriage thing, give it time and think about it more.
17 Aug 11
That is good that you have plan to marry him now you will be happy together with him. How i wish we could do the same as you are planning. I also love the guy that is i loved but the problem is i cannot marry him because i am now married. Well if i could go back the time that i was young and not yet married for sure i will marry him. But the time had passed and it will never return... so.. the lesson for me is do what is necessary to do now because now is the time and now will never come back. Now will become yesterday. Wish you happiness..
17 Aug 11
hi:) I think having a child is not a problem on getting married, and if you are both on right age and financially and emotionally ready to get married then I can't see anything wrong. but perhaps it's better if your family would know about him too before you decide to marry him, but it's up to you, you'll be the one who'll know the best for you, I wish you luck friend:)
17 Aug 11
Hi, All the best. Still what all you mentioned here are totally strange for me. Even I cannot adjust or compromise with such situations. However, there may be cultural difference make such practices easy and so simple. For me it is little complicated and if I am the person I may not go for such things any more. I think you have the will power and strong determination to what to do and what not. Whatever it may be, try to get into peace of mind and an end result of enjoying life, instead of further problems and issues. Regards, Thank-s