Maintaining eye contact with a friend of opposite gender?

@padu19 (1441)
India
August 22, 2011 3:10am CST
Hi, A few days back, I got a new friend in the office. He is good enough to be a friend and we gradually became good friends. He conducts some training programs too. We somehow ended up discussing about eye contact. He was insisting that eye contact is very essential, even between friends. For some reason, I feel girls do not maintain eye contact with all guys and they generally prefer having eye contact only with their boy friend. Atleast, I don't make eye contact with all guys as I do not feel very comfortable and don't feel it very demanding too. Obviously, when I am discussing about something official I confidently make eye contact with the same person. So, what is your opinion about this?!!! Is my friend correct and should I change my attitude or is it a quite normal behaviour?!
1 person likes this
11 responses
• Philippines
22 Aug 11
Eye contact during conversations brings rapport. It is essential for effective communication. Also, if you don't try to make eye contact to the person you are talking to, either male or female, you may be seen as lying or hiding something. That is one of the tell tale signs of lying. Yes, uneasiness and lack of comfort with the one you are talking to brings you not to make eye contact. But it will really show and can be interpreted by the ones you are talking to which in turn may have a bad effect on the communication.
2 people like this
@padu19 (1441)
• India
22 Aug 11
I don think am uncomfortable with that person. Yet, I do not make constant eye contacts to any guys(except my guy!).
@toniganzon (35622)
• Philippines
23 Aug 11
From which country are you? Because in where i am eye contact is necessary in all kinds of relationship. It gives the impression that you are interested in what the person is saying. It tells that one is a good listener if one is maintaining eye contact. Eye contact is not only related or associated to having romantic feelings with each other.
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@padu19 (1441)
• India
23 Aug 11
I am from India. I agree eye contact is essential for romance also. That is what I tried explaining my friend!
@toniganzon (35622)
• Philippines
23 Aug 11
This is what I said though: not only related or associated to having romantic feelings I think you got me wrong. What you are trying to imply in your discussion is that it's ONLY for romantic relationships, but what i'm trying to say is it's NOT ONLY for that purpose but in all kinds of relationships. I don't know what your culture is in India regarding eye contact but in my country it is considered rude not to have eye contact when one is speaking.
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@eshaan (6193)
• India
2 Sep 11
for me its a strange thing..i find some people comfortable to talk with..but some i don't ....so sometimes i am easily making eye contact with the person with opposite gender...but sometimes i don't find that chemistry working...its not that...that particular person is wrong or something else...but sometimes there's proper connection and sometimes there's not...
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@padu19 (1441)
• India
12 Sep 11
haha!! Not sure, what should I be infering from the term 'connection'!!!
@webearn99 (1744)
• India
22 Aug 11
Eye contact in south Asian culture can be considered impolite and must be difficult for you. Particularly because of gender. I am an Indian too and can understand that. But modern times have their own demands. It is not a bad thing at all! Go ahead and get used to it.
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@padu19 (1441)
• India
23 Aug 11
Very true.. Things are changing.. But I do not want any messages to be conveyed between us. That will spoil our friendship..
@anneshirley (1517)
• Philippines
22 Aug 11
Maintaining an eye contact in any conversation is very important. As they say, the eyes are windows for the soul. You can only know that the other person is speaking the truth when they can maintain an eye contact with you in the course of discussion but there's also time when it is really hard to make an eye contact. For my part, it is hard to maintain an eye contact when I am guilty () or when I am talking to adults. In our place, it is rude to talk to adults with eye contact because they say it is one way of disrespecting them.
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@padu19 (1441)
• India
23 Aug 11
Ya.. That's true.. Msintaining eye contact with elders is not a good sign. However, we can definitely be ourselves with our parents!!
• India
22 Aug 11
Generally you cannot maintain eye contact with a person for 2 reasons: 1. you have a crush on that person... or 2. you have done something terrible and cant look him in the eye.. i think you fall in the first category...and thats absolutely normal... and there is no need to change your attitudee for that...
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@padu19 (1441)
• India
23 Aug 11
Well.. not at all.. But may I do not want to get crush on anyone!
@rog0322 (2834)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
22 Aug 11
Hi pad, Eye contact have varying degrees to set the mode of communication. It depends much on relationship, the kind of person you are with and the kind of message one is trying to convey. You are right to say girls should not maintain long eye contact with the opposite gender. It could be open to some (mis)interpretation in some cases. A glance or two is sufficient. If one is in a group and being addressed by a speaker, it is alright to maintain long eye contact with that speaker as long as that speaker maintain equal length of eye contact time with the rest of the group. Otherwise, it is prudent to look away or do something else.
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@padu19 (1441)
• India
22 Aug 11
Well said !!! "You are right to say girls should not maintain long eye contact with the opposite gender. It could be open to some (mis)interpretation in some cases. A glance or two is sufficient. If one is in a group and being addressed by a speaker, it is alright to maintain long eye contact with that speaker as long as that speaker maintain equal length of eye contact time with the rest of the group. Otherwise, it is prudent to look away or do something else." - This is exactly what I intended to explain to my friend..
@mods196621 (3631)
• Philippines
22 Aug 11
For me it is so natural to have eye contact to whom you talk and that is good for conversation unless you have your bad motive to him. I am too doing eye contact with no malice coz if you do it is definitely feel by the person you talk. There are some messages transferring to him with unknown feelings why. But eye contact is good to a conversation to express what we wanted to tell exactly to what we want to send. This is also a gesture and a body language. It is fine and okay.
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@padu19 (1441)
• India
22 Aug 11
Hmm.. I do not have any other intentions. But may be having brought up in a very conservative manner, I do not prefer having much eye contact with other guys(though they are my friends)!
@SIMPLYD (72489)
• Philippines
22 Aug 11
Of course when you are talking with someone you have to maintain an eye contact with the person. But it doesn't mean to literally, look at him in the eye for long and without blinking. A glance or two at his/her eyes every now and then , will suffice to let him/her know that you are attentive to what is being discussed between the two of you.
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@padu19 (1441)
• India
22 Aug 11
Ya.. very true.. This is what I generally do. But he felt, I am not having enough confidence!
@bingskee (5239)
• Philippines
30 Sep 11
your friend is right. eye contact is very important in discussions, conduct of trainings, daily communication, etc. eye contact emphasized one's thoughts, and they show emotions. as said, the eye is the window to one's soul. i cannot glare though because that is a different thing. if the body has languages, the eyes also have it.
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@trezege (66)
• South Africa
22 Aug 11
I agree with your friends , I eye contact shows how confident and comfortable you are around people. But I do tend to get intimidated when someone talks to me and looks at straight on the face, in a case like that I would normaly look away.
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