Wedding vows, do they mean anything anymore?
By oreo11
@oreo11 (18)
Guam
August 31, 2011 10:17pm CST
Hi mylotters.
I have an older sister that has been having marital problems for 4 years now, or so she claims. She's on her 2nd marriage and its still the same things with her, that she doesn't get any emotional support, she is no longer in love, etc.
I understood why she left her 1st husband, 1st of all because they were only 16 when they got married, 2nd they were already broken up and only got married when they found out they were pregnant, 3rd, as per my sister, her exhusband was Lazy and that she had to do everything his homework and she supported them financially.
But with her second husband, I don't see anything wrong with him. He has been through a lot of emotional stress because he went through 4 deaths in his family in one year, which triggered his drepression, and he's been promoted 3rd in command of a corporation that makes him a busy man, travelling from time to time. But he never fails to take care of the kids, cook, clean the house, do laundry, serves her hand and foot. My sister practically doesn't do anything at home except go online and occasionally clean their room.
She was so in love with him. We even asked her before about getting married and it seemed like she was so sure with her decision. He even adopted her son from her 1st husband.
She now complains that he doesn't support her anymore, isn't there when she needs him.
I see my brother in law, but i love him like a real brother, and he's been so sad ever since him and my sister had a talk about her being unhappy, her not missing him when she was away for 3 months. He told her he wants to work it out and he's the one apologizing, taking the blame and saying how stupid he was. He's been doing everything he can to win her back, but all she tells us is she feels nothing, she doesn't even try. She's been very vocal at parties about them separating, while my brother in law sits quiet not mentioning a word. I mean, he's really good to her, never cheated or hurt her physically, but I think my sister can be selfish. I am not married yet, but my and my BF have a little family of our own, I want to tell her its not all love and happiness. That she made an oath to her husband and to God that they'll be together through sickness and health, for richer or poorer, till death do they part.
I really don't know what to tell her anymore. But I don't want them to separate or get a divorce, because my sister won't find a guy that takes care of her the way my brother in law does. She just doesn't see how lucky she is to have him, she always thinks he's lucky to have her.
2 people like this
9 responses
@dreamy1 (3811)
• United States
1 Sep 11
You can only point out the obvious to her but ultimately it's her life. She will learn her lesson soon enough. Like the saying goes you don't miss the water until the well runs dry. You can tell her until you are blue in the face what a mistake she is making but she is going to do what she wants to do and nothing is going to stop her.
I gave up a good man years ago because I thought the grass was greener on the other side and it's been the biggest regret of my life. Years later I still feel bad about it. I learned my lesson but it's way too late.
As much as you don't want to see your sister give up the marriage she might have to fall on her face and you and others around her has to let her. Maybe it will work out maybe it won't but we all need to make our own mistakes.
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
10 Sep 11
You sister is indeed a bit selfish. She looks always at her own benefit which should not be the case. In marriage it should be two way traffic. Each of them should not look at how they could make the other happy. It is normal for couples to dispute but that should not bring them to separation. They have to understand each other's shortcomings and must rather support each other rather than feel bad and think of a way to separate.
@ybong007 (6643)
• Philippines
1 Sep 11
There are a lot of people who are like your sister, they are the type that look very far looking for something, too far that they fail to see that the thing they're looking for is just right down on their very own noses. But you can't teach your sister to love her husband, if she doesn't feel it then there's no way you can make her feel it. Based on how you explained their predicament it seems that your sister may soon find out or just wake up one day that that she lost a man that lot of women would dream of keeping which by then would be a little too late. However it's their lives. It may be ideal to learn from the mistakes of others but there are mistakes that we need to learn the hard way.
@anneish (117)
• Philippines
2 Sep 11
yes!it really means a lot...
even though we are in time that everything change from the old age,marriage is very much important.,if there still option to get your marriage fix from the trouble your marriage facing well then try that option...
in your sister's situation, no doubt that she is the problem in their marriage,you tell all the good traits that your brother in law have,so it seems that your sister is not yet really ready for a married life,because when we say wedding vows,this is the evidence that you and your partner are being one...and despite of your brother in law good attitude she still feel unhappy about their marriage and the worst she 's not happy with his husband anymore...very much unfair to the guy.
@yummyangel21 (3)
• United States
1 Sep 11
That is so sad. You really need to talk to her and explain why she should stay with him and bring up the fact that she is being really selfish. If that doesn't work,she did not deserve him in the first place and if he leaves, she will see what she had and realize how she is acting. He sounds like one of those rare Prince Charming's...hopefully she won't let him get away and realize her actions before it is too late.
@oreo11 (18)
• Guam
1 Sep 11
He is a prince charming, I mean my BF isn't as nice as him and she doesn't see me complaining. I'm scared that one day he will realize that he deserves better, and then my sister will regret the things she said and the way she reacted.
He's a really good father and husband, both my niece and nephew would tell us that if they get a divorce they're going with their dad.
@starrose_ara (784)
• Philippines
1 Sep 11
Marriage is a sacred vow and even if mine didn't work I still uphold what it stands for. For people who take marriage vows seriously and some do, marriage is taken seriously. When I made the promise at the altar in front of men and God it was a promise that I intend to keep maybe next time I will have the chance to prove that it is so since my love life is on hold right now until I am released from my marriage state.
@nezavisima (7408)
• Bulgaria
1 Sep 11
in every family has problems.
It is in my family and we have problems but they are not as important and essential at normal household things.
I understand that your sister is very tense situation and it is quite desperate.
perhaps indeed the only solution is to divorce in order to have peace.
I'm not as weddings and we would love rituals and now promises not to say a big word but we have not had any problems seroizni.
For me these words of promise is nothing that we feel and we need to show and prove every day.
Have a nice day!
@cat003 (33)
• United States
1 Sep 11
When we take the oath of marraige, we all think it will be forever. I was one of those people. People change with time,and we don't know all ther reasons why...We can't understand what went wrong with their marraige, we keep saying he is so good to her, she won't find anyone better..but we really don't know how she is feeling....something changed ..Sometimes we realize it to late...It takes two to make a marraige work ..and no matter what we say or want for them, we can't do a thing about it. Hope all works out.
