Using facebook to send sympathies
By winterose
@winterose (39887)
Canada
October 31, 2011 6:05am CST
As many of you know I am a former therapist before I became disabled.
One of the topics we deal with is death and dying.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote about the process of grieving and how it goes in stages.
one of the first stages is blame.
My friend T just lost his cousin who died rather suddenly.
One person was there at the time of his death and notified the family through his sympathies on facebook.
The family is upset now because the person never bothered to contact the directly.
What is your take on this,
is the family right to be so upset/
should the person be made out to be such a bad guy, he did give his sympathies on faceback within a half of hour of the death.
though he was wrong and made a mistake should the family just accept it and move on her forever feud with the person who did not call them?
3 people like this
8 responses
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
31 Oct 11
Personally, I have mixed emotions. Facebook is rather public unless you send a PM. on one hand I feel it is rather insensitive and even tacky to send tour sympathies via Facebook. Then on the other hand Facebook is a popular medium for staying in contact. I don't feel the person meant any harm. I feel the family will get over it when they have time to reason things out that he meant no harm. If I knew the address I would send a real sympathy card. I wouldn't use Facebook. That is just too informal to me on such a sad occasion.
2 people like this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
31 Oct 11
That is so sad. I'm so sorry for everyone involved here. I can see both sides.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
31 Oct 11
they are carrying it too far it part of the blame stage of kubler-ross's grieving process
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
1 Nov 11
I think they will get over it in time, and see out outrageous it was to over react so much.. but grief does funny things to people.
@rameshchow (4426)
• India
31 Oct 11
We have to be careful with Facebook. Some times we may get depression form Facebook activities of idiots. And it is so much time wasting process to spend in Facebook. If you wanna convey any wishes or any sympathies, just send and have to do our works.
It is my opinion only.
2 people like this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
31 Oct 11
facebook reaches a lot of people at once though and I assume that is why this guy did it.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
31 Oct 11
I'm sorry but not everyone Is on Facebook.Not everyone is online 24/7. Many Need a phone call or even a hand written letter. I think his heart was in the right place. And he thought it was the fastest way to reach everyone but it is wrong to assume Everyone will understand or Even be on Facebook.
I didn't know you are a therapist! Wow! Pleas send T my best. Tell him he may be gone in body but his spirit will be with him always.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
31 Oct 11
they are very upset with the man, I believe the man made a mistake but they want to make a monster out of him
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
31 Oct 11
He is no monster! It is so sad. It seems like this is going to tear this family apart.
@celticeagle (159058)
• Boise, Idaho
31 Oct 11
I think a person should be allowed to send sympathies in the way it is easiest for them to do. This person may have felt he would break down if he saw or spoke to the parents in person. I think it is sort of thoughtless of the parents to take this stance with this poor fellow for he is feeling the loss also.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
31 Oct 11
there is no parents it is the brothers and sisters and I know they are grieving, but they are looking for someone to blame that is part of the grieving process, but this poor guy really is not the one to blame
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (159058)
• Boise, Idaho
31 Oct 11
Ah yes, this sounds pretty normal. Remember the basic saying from Child Psychology 101? IGNORE THE NEGATIVE!!
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
31 Oct 11
well it doesnt seem right as facebook is pubkic, and maybe the family wasnt ready to discuss it in public. i know ive had family on there that told me dont put certain things on facebook as im not ready for people to know about it yet. my daughter did not want her cancer discussed on there, 
not sure why but its her perogative. the person should have contacted them in some other way. 
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
31 Oct 11
I can only assume that he wanted to reach as many people as possible
@MandaLee (3756)
• United States
12 Nov 11
Hi,
A friend of mine just lost her husband. Since she now lives out of state, I had no other way to get in touch with her besides Facebook.
I understand why the family is upset. I, too, prefer to communicate over the phone. However, during the times when you don't know how to reach someone, Facebook may be the only option for communication.
The person was wrong. However, I hope the family can forgive them and move past it. Life is too short for forever feuds.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
13 Nov 11
in your case it is understandable, but this guy knew the phone numbers
@BarBaraPrz (45498)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
31 Oct 11
Not everybody is on FB, so he really should have contacted them personally, especially as the grieving family may not even go on the computer for a few days after their loss.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
31 Oct 11
it wasn't the brightest thing to do that is for sure but he too was in shock, he just saw someone die in front of his face.
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
31 Oct 11
I believe in that case the family just wanted to be informed.. its their right but personally if that would happen i would not mind.. i have friends who notify thru facebook and it was never accepted as a bad act or negative act..people just have different views.
1 person likes this
