What being alone for too long can do

November 17, 2011 7:25pm CST
I have spent periods of my life feeling very alone and isolated from all who I care for and love in this world. This does do different things to each person of course for me it makes me want to stay numb to the whole situation or even make friends of things one may not normally make friends with too. Like pets for example as your one and only best friends or even a hobby or a work as more important than people are too. This happens allot if a person is brought up being told always to never trust anybody outside of there own family and close friends circle too. You are just so isolated from other people always that you learn to make up for this loss in other ways of course. I am from such a type of family myself too. They feel they are the best ways and the smartest ways with most things and to even question this is a terrible disrespect and you should be punished in some way for this too. At times growing up I felt I had no voice at all and even if I did it was just always much too stupid to even listen too or care about. I felt like a shadow or a ghost allot inside while putting up a brave front outside allot so nobody would ever know this. I was told children where to be seen and not heard, and nobody likes a whiner and many other things like this like there is no use in ever crying it won't make anything any better. These things were meant to make us stronger and braver to live well in the big bad world, but I knew nothing of the world living in the country and just found them all to be very mean and cruel now that I am older I find some still kind of nasty but more understood now then they were then. Most of my childhood was spent day dreaming of a better life somehow I think inspired strangely enough by this nastiness. I would tell amazing imaginative stories and stare off into space or my own little world as my Mother always called it and almost in my own mind be able to visualize and see these great places and people of mine too. I acted more like an only child always, even though I did have a little half brother and sister part of being strong our Grandparents taught us is to care for one's own needs and wants first of all. So I did just that and so must my Sister and brother I was told many times that I was set apart from them too and very different and so I was and am too. They are half Norweigen and a foot taller much bigger than me and always braver too. They hunted, fished,played sports, just more outdoors lovers really, and built homes and other grand things I just from childhood was told I was simply too small and weak to do as a female too. I really believed them, that i would just die too somehow and that I must stay safe and warm within the house and keep myself busy inside always. I then didn't mind that too much, when I got older I did allot I thought this nasty and sexist too. Then, I saw just how easily my siblings where very jelious of me and would try there best to be mean and tease me at every turn if out doors with them then only did I finally understand just why my elders had been so protective of me and now today I just love being a house cat more too:) Thanks,A.B.
1 person likes this
9 responses
@mr_pearl (5038)
• India
18 Nov 11
Hello there... I've had a similar childhood. It was tough, punishments were severe and i'd no say anywhere at all. My family always thought I was too stupid and trusting others... I feel lonely today, lonelier than ever... God help&
19 Nov 11
Hi, mr_pearl, thanks for understanding and support from a person who understands much of what I went through and now back at home again with much courage face once again everyday. I know that I must truly be a strong and brave person inside since I do not let some of these family members treat me in the same ways they did when I was younger. I think time makes us bolder and we are scared but inside to survive we know we must not just tolerate too much anymore too. Thanks again to a fellow survivor, there is much loneliness here usually because there are many who just refuse to understand how any person could ever put themselves through all of this pain and heartache. My Mother and I both believe this has all made us much stronger however caring for my dying Grandpa everyday now he was very abusive, but he is helpless without our help today. Thanks,A.B.
19 Nov 11
Hi, mr_pearl, thanks for understanding and support from a person who understands much of what I went through and now back at home again with much courage face once again everyday. I know that I must truly be a strong and brave person inside since I do not let some of these family members treat me in the same ways they did when I was younger. I think time makes us bolder and we are scared but inside to survive we know we must not just tolerate too much anymore too. Thanks again to a fellow survivor, there is much loneliness here usually because there are many who just refuse to understand how any person could ever put themselves through all of this pain and heartache. My Mother and I both believe this has all made us much stronger however caring for my dying Grandpa everyday now he was very abusive, but he is helpless without our help today. Thanks,A.B.
• United States
18 Nov 11
I absolutely HATE being alone... it is killing me slowly but surely. Even though I'm just leaving a 5 year long marriage and ending a brief relationship of 3 months... I feel as though I've been lonely for longer than that. As a 24 year old woman, it's hard in today's time to find a guy my age that is on the same level that I'm on as far as maturity. I find it unfair to have to find an older guy just to fulfill these preferences, therefore currently I am just chillin'. I am living a lifestyle that me and my team have deemed as "cupcaking". So currently I am in the mix.. enjoying myself.. I have some lonely times.. but they go away quickly because I am surrounded by people that I love. One day I hope for romantic love... but I'm not stressing for it anymore lol.
19 Nov 11
Thank you mrscallands22, I love your comment here too. A very positive and fun way to approach this part of life thanks much for sharing it has helped somewhat too. I love this term "cupcaking" I absolutely understand and agree with it being too unfair to have to settle for an older person just to have some equal relationships, I know in this big wide world with everybody being so busy all the time too that somebody closer to my own age must be in this mix somewhere too out there we just haven't met yet is all. Probably the same for you too. Thanks,A.B.
• United States
19 Nov 11
Yes..!! I can say that I am somewhat happy. I have my family.. my team.. #TeamNoSleep and my ppls that occupy my time. If you are on Facebook, you can check us out..!! http://www.facebook.com/pages/TeamNoSleep/255226224522436
• United States
18 Nov 11
Since I'm an individualistic type person, I don't mind being alone but as far as a relationsip goes, I'd rather have solid reltionship with a faithful parter than remain isolated. I usually do things alone too, like eating, watching TV, you know... the simple and nomal stuff and I generally don't mind the separation, its just that having a partner would better fulfill my wishes!
19 Nov 11
Hi, dellessimon This is understandable and I think we all would want this too when we can find it that is. I don't mind eating and t.v. alone either. But there is something to be said for a good conversation and good company too. I think these are the things that we really miss and that make us more alone when there gone and not just eating or watching t.v. together but how we react during these times together too there is much involved here really. Thanks,A.B.
@nerein (283)
• United States
18 Nov 11
I know a lot of people who have grown up in the same way that you have. Spending time alone is not a bad thing. It is just when you spend too much time alone that problems start to arise. Problems that start to arise can be from lack of social stability all the way up to developing a anti social personality disorder. It is okay to have pets as friends. Although your pets should not be the only friends that you have. Another thing even though you grew up the way you did you do not have to live the rest of your life that way. Now it is not going to be easy to grow out of it. Although with time and help you can grow out of the way that you grew up and live a different life than what you did when you were growing up.
@Aja103654 (5663)
• Philippines
18 Nov 11
That's sad. As humans, we are naturally social creatures so being alone for too long won't be the best thing for us. Though some people may find isolation a comfort. We couldn't entirely blame them for that, anyway, knowing fully well what kind of people we have to meet everyday-most of them are nasty people you would rather not be with.
19 Nov 11
Thanks Aja103654, this has been a big part of why I do choose more isolation at times too. I have met and been around just too many of these nasty people too. It is just so hard to believe at times that there are still great people in the world even though I am sure that there are. I just have yet to meet the right one's just yet is all this is another thought that comforts me most when I am very sad and lonely too. That hope may still be out there. Thanks,A.B.
@boyuancy (1711)
• India
18 Nov 11
Wow within the past 15 hours I have answered 4 questions on isolation and related matters. Although yours is a bit different. I usually like isolation and being alone but my parents tell me to mingle with people and get to know them Also they ask me to have and meet as many friends as possible. I know isolation can take a toll on your mind and body. I had suffered severe failures in life (Academic reasons, silly right?!) and wanted to run away from everyone I knew. I lost a lot of weight. I started going crazy. Now I behave sort of strange, hold strange thoughts for things, act weirdly and my society believes I am crazy. That is ALL!!!
19 Nov 11
Hi there boyuancy, I too am thought of as kinda crazy by my society too. For different reason's but some similar to yours too. I always think I can do everything all on my own with no help and I would be much happier person.Well, I have come to realize that help sometimes isn't so bad and perhaps I will be more independent later on too. My crazy thoughts as some call them are mostly just my personality and some of it is parts of depression and social anxiety disorder too. I always like to think that this is the normal for me and people should try to except this more often then trying to always change me to fit some weird version of what they consider to be "normal" whatever that really means to each different person in the world anyway. If we are not really hurting any one let us be more ourselves I say right. Crazy or not. Society can be very cruel to some who are considered different to them too. Not all people are like this however just people who are too close minded usually I have found and these are the very kind of people who tend to want to push us into a small room someplace and lock us away full of meds. now I ask which one is really the crazy one here? Thanks,A.B.
@SandeeE (346)
• United States
18 Nov 11
WOW very infomative & insightful post. It is nice to hear all of this because I feel as though I might be going through some if this right now in my life. I've been a single mother for the last 12 years. I have had a few relationships off and on but nothing that was over a year. Because of this and living on my own all that time I have grown acustomed to like my time alone. I have a hard time with going out and wanting to get home as soon as I can. I cannot even emagine living with a male ever again. I tend to be very private and have developed traits from being alone. Like I prefer to smoke alone, I don't like to get up in the morning and have to talk to anyone. I liked being able to spend the day in the house not doing anything or even getting out of my pj's w/out someone asking me why or calling me lazy. Well now I've lived w/a roomate and her two kids and it's been a huge eyeopener. I have had to adjust to a lot more and be a little more open and acceptive of other's. I still tend to stay at home more than I should and should get out more. But now that I live with someone and have my kid's full time I like being home when no one else is to enjoy my space finally.
19 Nov 11
Great comment here, SandeeE. I think there may some trick or balance to this too, you sound like you are doing very well to me right now. I know at times it is so very hard to let yourself out and open to the world are most people anyway. I struggle still but I am doing it still. Some close family think I should do this much more then I do but it just isn't in my comfort zone right now in the future maybe. Right now I do really enjoy my space whenever I get back home too. Thanks,A.B.
@Rosa26 (2620)
• United States
18 Nov 11
Hey that is not a positive way to live the life we have to have friends and people with whom we can share our feelings, our thoughts, I think you have to forget the past and begin again you are a great person and vary valuable and there are a lot of things that you have to do but you can't do being a house cat the world need of you and your knowledge,think and find the purpose of life and live for that and share,because sharing is living and bring happyness to our heart. I promise if you keep trying and never give up on the search for what makes you happy things will change for the better Im sure you’re not a failure and a good person, and in whatever it is where you felt you’re failed just try again and keep trying, or choose a different path that suits you better where you can be successful talk to family who I’m sure care about you and love you, about your loneliness and try and form better friendships with the people you already know. Meet new people by going out more and talking, when you reach out for people they will reach back there are always people on here who want to help and will talk to you, I’m always here to talk :) Hope I’ve helped somehow, please stay strong and try to find something that makes you happy. “Language... has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone.” Paul Tillich quotes
19 Nov 11
Thank you Rosa26, and you are very right about this being unhealthy too. I like to go talk to others here in town too. I usually run into people I know here at the local grocery store there are quite a few people here in town who know me and my family here since I used to work for the local old folks home or care center here too. You meat many different people of the community this way too, this has made this place seem much more like a home to me now too. I just like too keep things simple and as uncomplicated as possible is all. Thanks,A.B.
@lilaclady (28281)
• Australia
18 Nov 11
I understand where your coming from, I was always a mega shy little kid and I did a lot of dreaming as well, although I was brought up to trust people, never to lie it wasn't until I had grown that I saw the deceit of a couple of friends and many lies that I myself turned to the love of animals, they don't lie to you...I am afraid life itself can turn your life in to a very unhappy lonely life if you let it, but I think of myself, my values and think they don't deserve me, I am better than that and go on with my life....
19 Nov 11
Good for you, I have had to let some friends go because of this too, but the one's who really mean something to me always understand who I am and love me anyway. People who don't I just don't have any time for any more that is all. Thanks,A.B.