What being alone for too long can do

November 17, 2011 7:25pm CST
I have spent periods of my life feeling very alone and isolated from all who I care for and love in this world. This does do different things to each person of course for me it makes me want to stay numb to the whole situation or even make friends of things one may not normally make friends with too. Like pets for example as your one and only best friends or even a hobby or a work as more important than people are too. This happens allot if a person is brought up being told always to never trust anybody outside of there own family and close friends circle too. You are just so isolated from other people always that you learn to make up for this loss in other ways of course. I am from such a type of family myself too. They feel they are the best ways and the smartest ways with most things and to even question this is a terrible disrespect and you should be punished in some way for this too. At times growing up I felt I had no voice at all and even if I did it was just always much too stupid to even listen too or care about. I felt like a shadow or a ghost allot inside while putting up a brave front outside allot so nobody would ever know this. I was told children where to be seen and not heard, and nobody likes a whiner and many other things like this like there is no use in ever crying it won't make anything any better. These things were meant to make us stronger and braver to live well in the big bad world, but I knew nothing of the world living in the country and just found them all to be very mean and cruel now that I am older I find some still kind of nasty but more understood now then they were then. Most of my childhood was spent day dreaming of a better life somehow I think inspired strangely enough by this nastiness. I would tell amazing imaginative stories and stare off into space or my own little world as my Mother always called it and almost in my own mind be able to visualize and see these great places and people of mine too. I acted more like an only child always, even though I did have a little half brother and sister part of being strong our Grandparents taught us is to care for one's own needs and wants first of all. So I did just that and so must my Sister and brother I was told many times that I was set apart from them too and very different and so I was and am too. They are half Norweigen and a foot taller much bigger than me and always braver too. They hunted, fished,played sports, just more outdoors lovers really, and built homes and other grand things I just from childhood was told I was simply too small and weak to do as a female too. I really believed them, that i would just die too somehow and that I must stay safe and warm within the house and keep myself busy inside always. I then didn't mind that too much, when I got older I did allot I thought this nasty and sexist too. Then, I saw just how easily my siblings where very jelious of me and would try there best to be mean and tease me at every turn if out doors with them then only did I finally understand just why my elders had been so protective of me and now today I just love being a house cat more too:) Thanks,A.B.