OMG! What have you done to yourself

@thesids (22358)
Bhubaneswar, India
November 18, 2011 2:05am CST
Hi Friends and Lotters Today I met a long time friend of mine... actually a school friend at the mall. Till today, I was thinking (and was also told by many)that I look sick and weak and I nearly felt bad as I am ill. But today, when I saw this friend, I felt that he looks more weak and sick than me and I never had ever thought he would be so fragile. Maybe the aging factor or whatever. Well, I am happy as well as sad. Happy because I dont look as sick and ill as him and that puts me in a better place (good for my mental confidence which gets a little shaken when all the people keep telling me that I am ill). On the other hand, I feel sad because of what has happened to him. Though we did not talk much as we both were with our families and he had his beautiful daughter child (aged about 6) who was the sole eye catcher at the mall with her activities which kept both of her parents more occupied than the purchasing, we have planned out a meet on Sunday and I am sure I will get a chance to ask him about this. Well, the discussion that I would like to have is about your feelings when you find a long time gone missing friend and you find him in either a bad health or a bad state, how do you react. I know this is being kiddish of me, but I felt pain and wanted to help him out and I am eagerly waiting for Sunday to arrive and us to meet. Have a Great Health and a Great Day Cheers, theSids
11 people like this
33 responses
@tamirs (1808)
• Philippines
18 Nov 11
hi there sid, Its nice to hear that you feel good about yourself after seeing what your old school friend's condition is.But i know you don't feel completely good after seeing him and i know that you cant be well until Sunday.Hope and pray that, what you saw in him is just a sign of aging and nothing else worst. Meeting old friends in a not good situation makes me really feel bad like you do.I once saw my high school friend last year,accidentally in a hospital,sad part is, he was there for a scheduled treatment,he has cancer,i really feel so bad for him that i didn't know what to tell him whether to console him or not.I was speechless for a while and i feel sad because i don't want him to see that i feel bad for him but i guess it shows in my eyes. Cheer up though,Lets hope that everything about him and his family is well. :-D
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
21 Nov 11
Hi tamirs The meet did take place on sunday and I was happy that there is nothing much serious. It is his hectic touring and the stress that has taken its toll on him. I have asked him to take a vacation and some rest maybe a visit to his hometown.
@tamirs (1808)
• Philippines
21 Nov 11
That's a relief.You can now take a very good night sleep.Good to hear that.
@zralte (4186)
• India
18 Nov 11
Hi thesids , It must have been nice to see your long time friend like that. But sorry to hear that he does not seem to be doing too well, health-wise. I don't know how I'll feel if I meet a friend that I have not seen for years. I guess it depends on where and how. As to the bad health/state, I'd probably enquired about it, time and place permitting, of course.
2 people like this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
19 Nov 11
Hi zralte There are some things that we do not expect to happen but when they happen, we get curious. @praaji: I am only 51Kgs at 5'11
@zralte (4186)
• India
20 Nov 11
@suny, grrrrr.... I could kill you for showing off like that. Ten years ago, I weigh 45 kg and my height 5' exact. Now.....I am overweight (not telling my present weight...you'll never get it out of me, so don't try). It is not good to show off your weight like that in front of PMS suffering overweight female. It could be injurious to your health.
@khare_1005 (1311)
• India
18 Nov 11
hey sid what is wring with you my friend? why do you call yourself ill? we haven't had any conversation about your health matter till date. i hope there is nothing serious isn't it? the way i'll react at any of my long seen friend will be similar as my reaction here.i'll surely give some time to my friend and ask him/her if there is something wrong or they are going through a bad phase of their life and if by any means i could help them, i'll surely help my friend. do tell me what is it that is bothering you?
2 people like this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
18 Nov 11
Hi Khare Ah, me is suffering from Ulcerative Colitis(since 2000) and Rheumatoid Arthritis (since 2008) and doctors say someday it will turn into cancer... never mind that, it is now a part of my life You know being a doctor many a times helps. At least there are some ways you can show to your ailing friend and that can really work out wonders. Also, the bad times, when you know your medicines or the medical research can do nothing beyond a point... But somewhere I feel that you still would feel happy that you could contribute in getting the ailment go away But for many like me who arent doctors, we only can pray for the well being and hope that the Lord above listens
2 people like this
• India
18 Nov 11
oh dear as these are not my expert fields i can not comment much on this but one thing is for certain my friend that when there is a hope there is a way. do not let hope move out of your life. i know its easy to say but hard to implement when negativity is surrounding you all over. but my friend if am not wrong, both of these conditions of your's is curable.and i don;t think that you are that old that you can not afford to have some surgeries if required.
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8333)
• Philippines
18 Nov 11
Hi thesids Like you I would feel really sad and curious at the same time if I see a long lost friend looking so weak and sick. I know it can feel bad, like what you felt when people tell you such thing, but I will still ask my friend what has happened to him why he looked really sick. I think the way we ask our friend depends on how they will feel about, whether they will feel bad about themselves or not. But since you are gonna meet him on Sunday, I think that will be the best time to know what has happened to him.
2 people like this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
18 Nov 11
Hi enelym I am eagerly waiting or the meet on Sunday. And I pray, nothing serious has happened to him. I had not met his family earlier but meeting them in person, really has touched me and I would not want any of them to suffer because of illness. Some months back, one of my friends had met with a near fatal accident, and I have been through seeing how painful it becomes for a family espcially when the wife is a housewife, you are away from parents and have a kid. this mere thought seems scary
2 people like this
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
18 Nov 11
How nice to meet up with an old school friend, I don't think I would even remember a lot of names now, but I did meet with an old work friend not so long ago and it was just after I had some trauma in my life and this person told me how tired I looked, me I would never say that to anyone, I think it is an insult but it seems to come very easy for people to say "gee you look tired" meanin in my mind they are saying you look crap today....just a little niggle I have as I was brought up to keep my mouth shut unless I have something nice to say...
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
18 Nov 11
Hi lilaclady Of course, it is quite pleasant to meet an old pal or buddy after so many days. Many do take the personal compliments the other ways when they meet after a long long time. I am not sure how he too it either, but I could not resist myself just because I had never thought anything like this will happen to him. The last time we met in 1998 he was doing good, not only healthwise, but professionally too.
2 people like this
@pergammano (7755)
• Canada
18 Nov 11
Oh, my dear....sometimes a stroll down "memory lane" can have some "potholes!" The shock factor of seeing "some-one" not as we remember them, can be very unnerving, and we are at a ultimate loss as to proper deployment of our manners! I cannot be of help to you...as I am such a temperate soul, I know I would circumnavigate the obvious physical changes, until the dear soul broached the subject him/herself! I guess that's the "fraidy cat" coming out in me! Sometimes the bearer of these changes, are not aware of the drasticness of the changes, as on you, as a person they come about slowly and gradually when you look in the mirror...and you don't realize how drastic they are..or how shocking they might be to someone else! Once, only once, (and I learned from it)I commented on the "sad appearance" of someone I had not seen for a while...I sugar-coated the terms that I used, and they told me they had been on a diet and had created that look..egads! No advice from me dear friend...be yourself..gentle and kind!
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
22 Nov 11
Hi pergammano No advice from me dear friend...be yourself..gentle and kind! That is the best advice I have got until now and am happy with that one . The last sunday, when we met, I was happy that it wasnt much of a medical issue but it was stress and overloaded schedules of touring... Feel happy that I am not into any of such hectic schedules and have time for myself
1 person likes this
• Canada
22 Nov 11
OMG...sometimes when I re-read my responses, even I can't figure out what I was TRYING to say! Here's another attempt; I ran into an old friend..and they looked wan & fragile to me, the type of deterioration that usually comes with illness! Failed to suppress my curiousity...and found out they had chosen this look by dieting! I really felt foolish, as I had expressed sadness at their appearance..and they were proud of it! That lesson has remained with me..and now, I say nothing about a visual change, until they relate to it! I sure wished we could send a "bolt of happiness" to dear saphy! And I am proud of you, that you have learned the art of serenity..it is one of your BEST weapons against UC!
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
18 Nov 11
Hi thesids! It makes me sad when I see people from the past that aren't doing well. Even if I just hear about their hardships, it bothers me. I think that although we age and time plays nasty tricks on us, we hold certain images in our mind. Sometimes we are shocked when those images are changed. I hope that everything is well with your friend. It's nice that you will be seeing him Sunday. Take care
1 person likes this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
18 Nov 11
Hi JenInTN Well, I hope it is only the professional hardships that he is going through and nothing beyond. I agree that we do hold certain imaages in our mind and when things dont fall the way we have been imagining, our worst fears surface up... Hope he tells me it is nothing about any illness
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
19 Nov 11
His daughter sounds like she is quite the little angelic hand full too..business and a spirited daughter can make us look a little different sometimes.
@SIMPLYD (79665)
• Philippines
18 Nov 11
I do have a friend who looked so ill , because she's a diabetic now and is undergoing dialysis twice a week. When i first saw her, i was shocked because she was so healthy the last time i saw her, about 10 years ago. But then, because i know that a diabetic could look anorexic, i know why she has to look that way. I felt sorry for her. All i can do is pray that she will still live many more years.
1 person likes this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
18 Nov 11
Hi SIMPLYD That is quite sad. It must have been quite apinful for you to overcome this. I know this because I remember you telling me that you have some illness on you and when we listen to such things for friends, we do feel pained from the heart... As you say, We can always pray for the good of our friends.
@SIMPLYD (79665)
• Philippines
19 Nov 11
Maybe sids, you mistake me for a friend, because luckily i am always in the pink of health and keep praying that i will be until my old age. Anyway, yes when we see old friends now having different illnesses. we feel their hurt but at the same time pray for ourselves that we will always be healthy. Yes, prayer for them is the least that we could do. But if we have extra budget some monetary help will be great. However, when we give monetary help, we ask them first if it's okay that we give monetary donations, lest they will be offended if they are also moneyed.
@aimhrea (181)
• Philippines
18 Nov 11
i such a situation, especially if the friend is someone really close to me, there's this instant twinge of concern mixed with a bit of fear. also, there's the need to figure out if something IS gravelly wrong with him/her (maybe he/she's just having a bad day, it'd be bad if im like crazy concerned psycho from 0-60 lol) so i guess, ill try to feel it out. lastly, there's this feeling of wanting to help, in whatever capacity i have
1 person likes this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
22 Nov 11
Hi aimhrea there's this feeling of wanting to help, in whatever capacity i have Thanks for sharing this and this is the type of person I am. It doesnt matter to me that the friend or the person is my friend or not, I cannot see anyone in pain and suffering. This is quite painful for me
@mtrguanlao (5527)
• Philippines
18 Nov 11
Hello dear Sids! I know how you felt 'cause my sister told me how she felt when she saw her long time friend thinner than her,lol! I don't know why my sister is so frustrated about her "slim look",she said it depicts their unfortunate living. She said it's obvious that they don't have much to eat in a day,oh my! And that meeting made her happy somehow,thinking that she has a better life than her friend. And I was happy she felt that,she was having an inferiority complex but after that meeting,her confidence somehow boosted. I guess,I'll feel the same as what you felt buddy,happy and sad. I just hope your friend is not that worse.
1 person likes this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
22 Nov 11
Hi mtr Ah the Inferiority Complex... I nealy had got into that when I found almost all and even me unable to cope with my illness at the initial days. But as days passed, I realized there is no way out for me and I accepted it as a part of my life. It became easier and I no more think of it as an illness instead it makes me feel a blessing in disguise when I can afford to do many things that I otherwise will not have been able to.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
18 Nov 11
i once wrote about a relative that i saw after many years and she gave a remark that is insulting when in fact she looks worse than me, as to the standards set by society. i mean, how can someone say things that could ricochet to him or her? these people are so rude they do not think twice first before letting out those ill words. it is not polite to say or comment about how a person looks like. it is better to ask the person how he or she is.
1 person likes this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
19 Nov 11
Dear Ms. Bingskee Now that this has been mentioned, I too thought about my behaviour and honestly there wasnt any hurt intended. It was only the long time childhood friendship our entire school times) that got me asking this.
• Indonesia
18 Nov 11
I thought it's not nice to ask him directly what made him looking so weak or vulnerable. It offended him. I think a wise way to ask about his occupation, looking around where he live and pry a little success story. May be from it, there is a bit much to know what cause him weak and vulnerable. I too might get sad if we know or see our friend looking not as healthy accordingly. You must know process of aging in human beings is not the same. The aging process is influenced by the way of life and anything else in it. So, that is why your friend and you are not looked same body statement. I hoped you would understand what I was trying to say to you or tell you. Good Luck with the mylot here, okay.
1 person likes this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
18 Nov 11
Hi sijabatnaburjut Not quite that sure, but now that many have mentioned it, I think it might have gone down well with him. Would try to be careful the next time. Yes, I too feel that it has something to do with aging... as you know, people at his position are more under stress. He was a business manager of some reputed firm when I had met him in the late 1990s. Maybe the stress has played its role on his health
1 person likes this
@shibham (17025)
• India
19 Nov 11
So sad mamu to hear about your friend. Wish to read here about the reasons after meeting him on Sunday. Actually, i am unable to remember such face to face in my life, may it happened earlier, but cant recollect now. Have a nice time.
1 person likes this
@Rosa26 (2620)
• United States
19 Nov 11
Hello Sids! In my case when I see a friend that haven't see in years I and he or she looks in a bad condition I try to avoid that part and see the positive thing of his her life, but if he or she talk to me about that it means that is givi ng me the permission to gie advises or recomendation, so in that case I would try to keep in touch with that person to share all the info that I can get in order to help.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (99285)
• United States
19 Nov 11
The fact that you care about your friend and his health may be all the tonic he needs to begin feeling better. I hope both of you have a wonderful time getting together next Sunday.
@anil02 (2968)
• India
18 Nov 11
Hello Sidh, First thing it is good you felt that some one weak and sick than you. It will help you in curing. Second thing meeting with childhood friends indeed, give us pleasure. So you must meet with your friend and share with him about your life. If he wants some help and you can than must be help him. Remember moral help is much better than fiscal help.
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
22 Nov 11
Hi anil Yup, I always am on the lookout where I can get a chance to think more positively He is a schoolfriend as I mentioned and we never met after late 1990s. It was pleasurable seeing him with his family and specially his daughter. I know dear, I am not financialy strong to help anyone with money but I am happy that I am a little better off when it comes to morals and knowledge and I always try to help that way and also believe that such help has long lasting results than the fiscal help
1 person likes this
@anil02 (2968)
• India
22 Nov 11
Hello, I told you that moral support is better than financial support. I am also financialy strong. If you come you meet with him with jeal and courage. and if he have any problem which you solve than do it.
@bjc66bjc (6745)
• United States
19 Nov 11
Well thesids, first I must say that I am quite surprised that you as a man is really concerned so much about a friend from your pass...I mean there is nothing nothing wrong with it but its just a little uncharacteristic of man being so tentative.. I think you should have no problems having a conversation and discussuing with an old friend as to what has being going on in \their loves...If its something he wants to discuss with you then oh good and well...Perhaps there will be some issues that he may not me comfortable or ready to discuss with you or with anyone..So hopefully you be prepared to accept that and depart still wondering what happened to him...I will not attempt to tell you what to say..but I will say just be gentle witn your approch...it may be a really touchy subject...good luck and enjoy yours catching up with an old friend.
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
22 Nov 11
Hi bjc Dear, I am that kind of a guy. I care almost for all on this planet and I have no one to hate... I love everything and everyone I understand that many people dont like conversing about their ill health or their other problems with others. But this guy was a school friend and when I saw him this way, I couldnt control myself from asking. Luckily as promised we met on Sunday and there is nothing much about the Illness... I got it on the other sides
@jaiho2009 (39019)
• Philippines
18 Nov 11
dear sids, That's really sad, but wish your friend is fine. Actually,one of my long friend- a childhood friend added me in facebook. We have a group in facebook where all our old classmates/batch are there. Then,when I added him,saw his album and I am also surprised to see his looks. I can't believe my eyes that I even ask one common friend also a batchmate about his condition. I feel very sad and bad...he is really sick. He was one of the campus crush in our time...he's really uhmn...handsome,well-built and a star of the class for being smart and intelligent. He is now suffering from health problem due to kidney failure...
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
22 Nov 11
Hi di Time plays ugly games many a times and maybe we are to blame. I feel sad when I read such stories and also remember a discussion from Captain related to what you mention. All we can do is pray for such friends and feel that we are able to do our contribution.
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
28 Jun 12
I only saw this now and personally it happened to me before actually.. when i was pregnant with my first child, i met a friend who well reacted that way, she said what happened to you? she was like pitying me for that, that time i also was depressed as well as i had too much problem.. but well it got me thinking now too, i do not need them to really pity me as i did not regret any of this..and well my scenario was different too right as mine was not a sickness.. i have not met any of my friends yet in a bad case then i actually..almost all of them are not abroad, in the capital city.. or just being successful and well for those i have met.. sometime we go through life with so many burden dear sids and it may be hard for you and me, but that is life. Just be glad you are still better than him, and also God gave you the heart to be able to pray too, for you and for him..and maybe for me too. hope you are feeling better
@daeckardt (6245)
• United States
16 Jun 12
Hi theSids, I can't say that I have had that specific situation happen to me, but being in bad shape myself it could happen at some time. How did your get-together go that weekend? It sounds like that little girl was really cute! I hope you are doing well. I wish I was doing better myself. Have a great weekend!!!