Does a relationship cause you to have separate family celebrations?
By cotruelove
@cotruelove (1016)
Denver, Colorado
December 22, 2011 12:43am CST
My daughter and I are at odds, and there isn't anything I can do to remedy it. Her actions however are causing the family as a whole a problem. Any time there is to be a celebration of a holiday or birthday, as a family, the members have to do it twice because she refuses to be at any celebration I attend. The family has told me she is the problem, not me. I think it is selfish and self-centered for her to act as she does and she inconveniences everyone in the family. She knows I'm willing to agree to disagree, but she is only interested in being the winner in the disagreement. She would rather be right than happy. I know the issue is one that we will never agree upon but I could be at a family gathering and not even have a problem with her attendance about anything or demand agreement. So here we are again, this Christmas...a year and half since the disagreement, and she still wishes to be a difficult, not talk to me and hold on to a resentment. Since all celebrations are held at my son's home or someone else's, not mine, I just think it sad that everyone bends over backward to accommodate her. Since I'm physically disabled, it is definitely an inconvenience for everyone including me. Personally, if I was in the other family members' position, I'd say there was going to be one celebration and she could choose to be there or not, but I wouldn't accommodate her. What do you think?
3 responses
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
23 Dec 11
I really cannot fathom why a daughter would act that way to her mother. It seems that the grudge she has with you is of a deeper root.
Whatever it is, i think she has no right to seem to fight you like that. She should have respected you and forgiven whatever it was that made her feel that way with you. On the first place you said , you are disabled. Isn't that enough, to make her mend her ways.
I guess, if she is that way, then do what you have suggested. But maybe you could try to win back her feelings in one way or another.
@cotruelove (1016)
• Denver, Colorado
25 Dec 11
Her resentment isn't truly at me it is more at the person I'm business friends with who she was in a relationship with six years ago. She has transferred the resentment to me rather than at her son, who stood up to her and told her she was wrong in the break up. With as much as I've done for her over the years, it does sound nuts to me. Even her son thinks she is doing it to get at him rather than me. But.... who knows. Can't win anyone back when they won't talk to you or be around you. I think she may be going into menopause too, and that could cause the rage and screaming she did. I'm just leaving the door open and everyone knows I have no problem being around her, it is her problem being around me. But some people sacrifice everything in their need to be right in what ever they have done, so.......don't have a clue how this might end, if it does.
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
27 Dec 11
Just pray fervently , that her mind will eventually be opened. 
@cearn25 (3456)
• Philippines
22 Dec 11
It is not easy to have a celebration with one member in the family that are having misunderstandings. I think this is the best time to forgive and forget whatever it is that have caused the misunderstandings. Don't just let time pass. Do something. You are the mother. Just recently, I forgave and forget one of my aunt for there was misunderstanding. I have many misunderstandings with my aunts and other people that is why I can really relate with your situation.
@cotruelove (1016)
• Denver, Colorado
25 Dec 11
Cannot do anything, she won't communicate or receive any communications from me. Won't even go through her son or her brother to talk about it. So.....all I can do is wait and see, and go with what the family does for celebration.
@davaome (1826)
• Philippines
22 Dec 11
I would do what you say and just be their and not accommodate her. It doesn't really matter if she comes or not, clearly she doesn't want to be at the celebration and she will only ruin the celebration.
Let her be the one to decide if she wants to come or not, just invite her, and let things fall in to place. Time will come that she will realize her mistake, that her pride is just way to high above the limit. Until then, she will be like that.
@cotruelove (1016)
• Denver, Colorado
22 Dec 11
I pretty much think that is the only way it will stop, but for now, the other family members have chosen to accommodate her. Guess they like a party and the expense more than I do.
