I am going to miss my friend's birthday party and my friend is angry at me

@Porcospino (16455)
Denmark
February 11, 2012 7:27pm CST
My friend is angry at me, because I am going to miss her birthday party. As I wrote in another discussion my husband is going to take course in another part of the country and we have decided to go on a mini vacation that weekend. We found a small apartment in that town and decided to stay there. We made the resevation and paid for it and two days later we received my friend's invitation in the mail. I explained the situation to my friend and told her that unfortuneately we wouldn't be able to go to her party. Since that time she refuses to talk to me. I understand that she is disappointed, but I think she is overreacting. I feel bad that we won't be able to go to her party, but we didn't do it to hurt her. She is celebrating her birthday in the first weekend of March, but her real birthday is in the middle of March and I never imagined that the party would take place in the first weekend of March instead of the middle of March. What do you think about the situation I decribed?
8 responses
@thesids (22584)
• Bhubaneswar, India
12 Feb 12
Hi Porcospino Maybe you can try this - call her up, tell her that you will visit but bring along your own dinner. I think your problem would be resolved. Friend would be happy that you attended and you would be happy in your hubby having his preference of food and also enjoy the party.
@Porcospino (16455)
• Denmark
12 Feb 12
There are two problems about going to her party. One of the problems is the food like you said because my husband wouldn't be able to eat her food, and we would have to find a solution to that problem, so that he doesn't become ill. The other problem is the fact we have made other plans on the day where the party takes place. My husband is going to take a course in another town in that weekend and we have found a small apartment in that town, made a reservation and paid for it, and we would not be able to get the money from the apartment back if we change our plans now.
@thesids (22584)
• Bhubaneswar, India
12 Feb 12
Oh. The second reason sounds more difficult to handle. Am sure you would have thought of this though - The course - how many days is that. If it spans over a long duration, and you people are nearer, maybe you can take a day off and visit your friend and return back to attend (maybe by the next day). Or, (not the right one though), maybe you alone can visit your friend and your hubby can take care of him for that duration.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (16455)
• Denmark
12 Feb 12
It is a short course, it starts Friday and ends on Sunday. The course takes place in a town called Bogense, we will go there on Friday and return to our home Monday morning. My friend's birthday party takes place on Saturday, so it is in the middle of our vacation. I have thought about the thing you suggested. I don't think that my husband will be able to take some time off, because it is only a short course and he would miss out on too many things if he took the day off. I have also thought about going to the party alone, but that would also be difficult. My husband has our car and it would be hard to use public transportation from the Bogense to my friend's home, because my friend's home is not close to Bogense. She lives in a small village and there are very few busses during the weekend. It bothers me that I have to decline her invitation, because I don't want to disappoint her and make her sad, but it looks like it is the only option
@Iriene88 (5352)
• Malaysia
13 Feb 12
I understand how she felt. Both of you must be very close and important to her. I believe she will understand the situation as it is inevitable. Do not worry, go ahead as you planned. Getting something unique from your mini vacation especially for her and try to make the first move to show that you always care for her. Pray that she will understand this situation .. it is not done on purpose. Good friends should understand each other and 'give and take'. She should be happy that you have the chance to go for your mini vacation.
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@Porcospino (16455)
• Denmark
14 Feb 12
I think it is a good idea to get her a special present from our vacation. I am also thinking about surpricing her with a visit on her real birthday (a few weeks after we return from our mini vacation) I am sure that she doesn't expect that because we don't live in the same part of the country and we can't meet that often. I think that she is overreacting, it has been several days already and she still won't talk to me, but on the other hand I also understand that she reacts that way because she is very sad and disappointed. I hope that eventually she will understand that we didn't do it to hurt her.
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@Iriene88 (5352)
• Malaysia
14 Feb 12
Yes, a surprise visit on her actual birth day is great :) I will be very surprised and happy too. Hopefully everything will works as you plan
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@Ernnesto (180)
• Slovak Republic
12 Feb 12
It looks like overreaction from her. I know that birthday party is maybe important event for someone who is going to celebrate it but everyone of us has some duties in life and not everytime is possible to be in celebration. It is hard to say what you should do now but maybe better for you will be waiting until she thinks about it. I mean, she is maybe dissepointed now but like time go on, she will realize that her reaction was not little bit over. :-)
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@Porcospino (16455)
• Denmark
14 Feb 12
I also think that she is overreacting and I think it is because she is very sad and disappointed. It is true that we all have duties and things that we have to do and sometimes it is isn't possible to take part in the celebrations even though we would like to participate. In this situation my husband and I have already made other plans, and it is too late to change those plans now, so unfortuneately we won't be able to go to her party.
@SassyBrat (464)
• Canada
12 Feb 12
As you have probably received messages, I believe she is very selfish and self absorbed. The other thing I wonder is, are you her only friend? Is she an insecure person or has abandonment issues? I wonder if she is even aware of her behavior?
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@Porcospino (16455)
• Denmark
12 Feb 12
I am not her only friend, but she doesn't have a lot of friends, and I think that is one of the reasons why she got so disappointed when I told her that we wouldn't be able to come to her birthday. When I explained to her that we wouldn't be able to come to her party, she stopped talking to me and that hasn't changed yet. I think that I will give her some time and let her cool down.
@Blondie2222 (11358)
• United States
12 Feb 12
I think you're friend is over reacting about the whole situation. You had you're plans made out first before you got her invite, she should be ok with the situation and let you get together with her when you guys get back from you're mini vacation since her birthday is not until the middle of march you will still have time. Sounds like she likes things her way or no way at all. Hopefully she will get over it soon and talk to you again. I would just let her cool off and see if she turns around. Don't let it get to you though because you had no wrong doing in any of it she's just taking it the wrong way.
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@Porcospino (16455)
• Denmark
12 Feb 12
I also think that she is overreacting. I understand that she is disappointed, but we had already made plans when we received her invitation and I have explained the situation to her. Of course I also get disappointed when my friends aren't able to come my party, but sometimes people have made our plans and we have to accept that. Yes, you are right I will be able to visit her on real birthday, because at that time we are back from our vacation. Maybe I will surprice her with a visit on her real birthday.
@veejay19 (3592)
• India
12 Feb 12
Yeah, its unfortunate that you will be missing your friend`s birthday party but obviously you can`t help it.Your friend is a grown up person and should understand and not behave like a sulking school girl.In order to placate her feelings you could send her a bouquet and also a greeting card which i am sure you will do.If she is a mature lady then she will accept it and forgive you.
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@Porcospino (16455)
• Denmark
12 Feb 12
Yes, I am going to sent her and card and a present even though we won't participate in the party. You are right that she is a grown up, she is 40 years old and a not a teenager, but I think that her behaviour is similar to the bebaviour to a sulking teenager. I tried to explain the situation to her and explain that we didn't know about her birthday when we made the other plans, but she still refuses to talk to me.
@shibham (17027)
• India
12 Feb 12
Hi Porcospino... Why your friend did not informed you earlier that she is about to celebrate her B'day party on early March, so that you can postpone your tour? If not, then its her fault and she has no right to react that way. Again, i friend is that who understands us, who boosts us, who makes our lives more lively but here her reaction is too much and worthless. Have a nice time.
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@Porcospino (16455)
• Denmark
12 Feb 12
I thinking the same thing, she could have told us earlier that she was planning on celebrating the party a few weeks before her my birthday. I just assumed that the party would take place in the weekend where her real birthday is, because she has done that in the precious years and I was surpriced when I received the invitation in the mail. I think that she is overreacting, I have tried to explain the situation to her, but she is still angry.
• United States
12 Feb 12
I think your friend is selfish and I would not pay her any mind. she knows your husband comes first and she wants to act like a bird head. I would leave it alone and go about m business.
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@Porcospino (16455)
• Denmark
12 Feb 12
I also think that she is a little selfish. I can tell that she is very disappointed and I understand that, but my husband and I didn't plan that vacation to offend her and we didn't know that both things were going to take place during the same weekend. I think that I am going to let her cool down and let her contact me when she is ready.