My friend has a problem and needs your points of view

@Timeout (419)
February 27, 2012 4:31pm CST
I got a friend that goes to Karate classes since 2 years ago. She made friends there with another guy and since he doesn't have a car she has been dropping him at his home, even if that meant she had to go on the other direction of where she lives. They've been doing that since then, and a month ago, a new girl started Karate classes, she and the guy started talking and one day they left earlier without my friend noticing, they didn't even say bye. My friend got annoyed because she waited outside without knowing he already left. Next day he went to her car again with the girl, and she entered in the car without even asking if she could. My friend was very annoyed but she didn't say anything. This girl is not friendly to her for some reason, but she goes in the car still every day! What you guys suggest she can do?
1 person likes this
16 responses
@hestylim (1211)
• Indonesia
28 Feb 12
Hi Timeout, I suggest your friend to be bold to say no. If your friend is not bold enough, then leave the place before the guy noticing. Your friend is being used by the guy. At least that's what I am thinking. And the new girl he brought to join your friend's car, he probably told her that your friend is his "driver". If your friend isn't bold enough to stand out, I think she will be used by the guy for unspecified long of time.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Feb 12
Hello Timeout. My sister seriousnuts (the poster above me) showed your question to me because she was very annoyed with this karate guy and his friend. What an annoying duo. I feel bad for your friend. She seems nice and doesn't deserve to be treated this way. Anyway, if the karate school is not too far from your friend's home, maybe she could sacrifice a bit and start walking (or commuting) until the duo thinks that she doesn't drive anymore. She could also tell them that she will fetch a couple of family members so they couldn't join because they wouldn't fit in the car. If my above suggestions aren't possible, she could let the duo join. But instead of driving them to their homes, she could pretend that she had to go somewhere else first. Bring them to a cemetery, to a friend's home, to a church, or to any place that would eat a lot of time. Let them wait inside the car (make sure she doesn't leave her car keys inside the car). If they still tag along, she could repeat the process until they give up. I don't know if my suggestions will work, because fortunately, I've never been in this kind of situation. Please let us know what happens.:)
@Timeout (419)
28 Feb 12
Hello cheerfulnuts! I have to say I didn't expect this overwhelming response with great advices! :D Lol that is a great idea the cemetery thing. I will ask my friend how far are karate classes from their houses. I will show her this thread and will post again when anything new happens. Thanks a lot to you and your sister!
@Timeout (419)
12 Mar 12
Hello again cheerfulnuts! I told you I'd post if anything new happened, it seems my friend and this guy had an argument and they don't talk to each other anymore. My friend did long ago some pics of her during a lesson and uploaded them to her facebook, then she got told that making pics was not allowed (she didn't know, and they didn't know she made pics), so she let them there, this guy showed them to the other girl and she told the sensei so now he is mad at her, and things went all weird. My friend's friend has feelings for the new girl thats why he wants her to go in the car, she knows it and takes advantage of it.
• Philippines
28 Feb 12
How rude of them to do that to your friend. Your friend's kindness shouldn't be taken for granted, and that message should be relayed to those user-friendly people. Perhaps you could advise your friend to bring her other friends on her car so those two won't be able to join her anymore. Do that repeatedly until the two get her message. I don't think they'd lose their way home without your friend's help anyway. Your friend could also try sneaking out early so the two won't be able to catch up and ride in her car.
• India
28 Feb 12
Its also can be a great suggestion.
@Timeout (419)
28 Feb 12
You are very right! I told her not to park near the place, even if she has to walk a bit. Well, originally I suggested her to tell him how she feels, but I know she won't have the guts, she is a really good girl, but in situations like this she is always quiet and feels upset later.
• Romania
28 Feb 12
Hello, I think your friend should take some attitude now because the guy looks like he has no 7 years from home, you know?. First of everything, he should have told her in that day that is no necessary to wait for him and leave home and second he should have ask her if he can bring another person with him in HER car. So, she should tell him and not complain to you. This is my opinion. Best regards and good luck. But be careful, she could have some filing for this guy and then is a little complicated.
@Timeout (419)
28 Feb 12
Hello Fanthomas, welcome to mylot! I totally agree with you, he is acting very rude! But my friend is a very shy and lacks of self confidence, so instead of explaining him a few things she just gets upset. Thanks for your opinion! I think she doesn't have feelings for him, he is just a friend, but she already had trouble with other people at Karate classes and he was one of the persons she relied on the most in there.
• United States
27 Feb 12
I used to travel to Karate classes with a female friend of mine because I didn't drive and she lived in the same city as me. I find the behavior of the guy in this case very rude and inconsiderate. After that behavior I would say to your friend to cut him and her off and let him find his own ride. He is taking advantage of your friend and if he doesn't appreciate the effort she is putting for him then she should let him find his own ride.
@Timeout (419)
28 Feb 12
I think so too, she doesn't want trouble with this guy, but then she is upset about not being able to express herself. Thanks for your advice!
@fergus (820)
• Ireland
27 Feb 12
Hi Timeout, I think your friend is being used Its like he knows your friend is kind and is useing her for a lift and this other girl sees this and is also trying to use her thats the way i see it.If i was your friend i would tell them to get there own car and tell them not to be useing her. Your friend has a kind heart tell her not to change as friends like yours don,t come around often. all the best my friend and take care.
@Timeout (419)
28 Feb 12
Hi fergus, I think so too, when I talked to her yesterday I told her she should tell him how she feels. Thanks for your advice, take care you too! :)
• Canada
28 Feb 12
Your friend should stop giving both the guy and the girl a ride in her car. They are clearly using her and taking advantage of her niceness. Your friend is too nice but after the way the guy behaved she should not give him a ride to his home and should tell him to find another way of transportation....
• Croatia (Hrvatska)
28 Feb 12
She should talk to the new girl and try to become friends with her if it`s possible, or else try to make a deal... for instance, she could tell the girl that she will give her a lift if she pays for the gas. ;) Just let them talk to each other and they will probably find a solution. good luck! :)
• India
28 Feb 12
Hello friend! Its really sad news for your friend. But i suggest her call upp him. Because a friend in need is a friend indeed.. So in my focus he is not yet a good friend of your friend. So tell her tru to call uppp him. And make other friend. And in my knowledge he also feel jalous
@Metatronik (5899)
• Pasay, Philippines
28 Feb 12
So meaning to say your friend and the guy who has car is not communicating with each other anymore? Maybe the guy is courting the girl? Well honestly we can't expect anything from other people because from time to time they really tend to change their attitude, situation and other things on how they treated us. I actually understand of the feeling that she is being left out at all but then we can't do anything and we have just to leave with it.
@Dassodils (2013)
• India
28 Feb 12
That's a difficult situation for some one..But your friend have to make a speak with that boy..And say the real matter..Or your friend should not wait for them..she can go with some other good friends or can go lonely..That other girl and that boy will walk together..You can teach them a lesson through this..Then she will try to talk to your friend.Then watch her and decide that to accept or leave..Thanks
• United States
28 Feb 12
I would not give your friend any more rides home because it sounds like he is using you. It was even more rude that the other girl assumed that you would give her a ride home. I would just tell them both how you feel and tell them that you are a human being and not their personal chauffer. Let them either walk home or find their own way home.
@yanzalong (7785)
• Indonesia
28 Feb 12
Don't care about it. Just pretend that nothing happened. Your friend should think highly of herself. Tell her that the situation is worth a little to her. Her boyfriend doing it to her does not make her wobbly. You know what I mean. She should be strong and not influenced by that.
@luisaR (452)
• Philippines
28 Feb 12
is your friend dumb or just too nice? that's foul. These leeches she should take her distance off them. go get new friends. She does not have to deal with these kind of people. he is only using her for his convenience.
• Philippines
28 Feb 12
I suggest that your girl friend should start assessing her relationship with this guy and what would it entail. Does she have romantic feelings for him or just companionship or friendship? If it was the first, then it would be a little more complicated. If it was the second, it'll be easier to deal with. If your friends thinks that dropping the guy off and talking with him for a period of time is already a romantic relationship, it's your duty as friends to let ehr see both views of her situation. You can advice her on the high and lows. You can also help her by realizing what her feeling towards the guy and his relationship with teh new girl. If she does have feelings for him, you can advise her on how to treat the matter. If it just a n association or friendship, I think it will better if she starts socializing with others than the guy. I am presuming that she also have cordial relationship with other members of the karate class. That way she can expose herself to other people while not being 'obsessive' over other classmates.
@nyang1984 (464)
• Philippines
28 Feb 12
i could feel that your friend has a good heart. and that guy is kinda abusing her and disrespect her as well. tell your friend that it's time for her to make action to that by telling her guy friend about what she really feel towards them. cause your friend is not their driver.